Martial arts in relation to the A.'.A.'. path

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

I have been fortunate in my life to have been exposed to the martial arts relatively early on. I always had an interest in the martial arts, I practiced a Korean art for about a year in my mid-teens, then at 19 I met a practitioner of Karate, Batto-jutsu, and Tai chi chuan. My interest at the time was largely in the Japanese sword. I remember after discussing this with him he showed me how to cut. Then, handing me a suitable sized stick, told me to go and practice cutting before heading off for a beer. This I did, for hours, and continued to learn from him for years. For the next few years the bokken (wooden training sword) was a constant companion. In fact even after I joined the British Army a couple of years later, except for basic training, I carried a pair of bokken wherever I travelled, even overseas at one point, and trained with whoever was available. 

I also took up the practice of Yang style Tai chi chuan, the longer form consisting of 108 steps. I have now practiced this for over 20 years. 

I have had an interest in Thelema since my teens, and formally affiliated with the A.'.A.'. ten years ago this month. Less than a year after that I also began training in Shinshin-toitsu Aikido (Sometimes called 'Ki Aikido'). I remember one autumn Sunday morning when I had only recently started, sitting seiza in the dojo, the instructor reading from the shoku-shu (book of sayings and readings), "The Universe is a limitless circle with a limitless radius. This condensed becomes the one-point in the lower abdomen which is the centre of the Universe".......I was hooked.

Later exploration revealed to me that Koichi Tohei, the student of O Sensei who went farthest in exploring the ki (氣) aspect of aikido and founder of ki aikido, didn't simply come up with the system by himself, but in addition to intensive training in Zen meditation and the ascetic misogi practices of Ichikukai, started by the Zen master and swordsman Yamaoka Tesshu, inherited a lot of his knowledge from Nakamura Tempu, the Japanese espionage agent who, after contracting tuberculosis travelled the world in search of a cure, obtaining a medical degree in the process and finally winding up in the Himalayas, practicing raja yoga under the semi-mythical guru Kariappa. Tempu on returning to Japan, eventually went on to formulate the system he called shin shin toitsu do. (The way of mind-body unification, sometimes called 'Japanese yoga'). Tohei Sensei was a student of this system, which enabled him to understand and put into practice what he was learning under O Sensei as a student of aikido. 

Tohei eventually went on to start his own organisation promoting shin shin toitsu aikido (aikido with mind-body unification), a merging of the two systems, essentially aikido with raja yoga and misogi training built in. In this system, students practice aikido, and in a parallel track practice shin shin toitsu do. The two systems are tested together, for example you have to pass sets of ki tests at 5th, 3rd and 1st kyu in order to be allowed to test for the relevant aikido grades. This also continues up through the dan (black belt) grades. 

Throughout my own A.'.A.'. path, ki aikido has been a constant companion. My Zelator exams were passed by virtue of the mind-body unification practices taught in the dojo up to sho-kyu (5th kyu aikido), and having recently passed my shodan exam, 9 years after starting, you could say that the art is central to my path. While it is not necessary for A.'.A.'. students to enroll in their local aikido club, It is without reservation that I would recommend such training as a viable and robust training system which meets, and in most instances surpasses the testing requirements of the 2=9 and 3=8 grades, with higher level training even meeting the requirements of dhyana for a Dominus Liminus. The A.'.A.'. path is largely solitary, and one thing lacking I feel is adequate testing. Students could be doing the wrong thing, having bad posture or incorrect breathing, potentially for years without correction, going on to pass these mistakes on to subsequent students. 

While I can't speak of other arts, in ki aikido, asana and pranayama are taught and tested right from the start. You can't progress through the early grades without demonstrating proficiency, and this continues through the higher levels. Most aikido techniques don't work without these fundamentals in place and the uncoordinated practitioner is left with only a hollow shell of the art, which without proper coordination is just an inferior, dance-like form of ju-jutsu. Successful aikido implies successful yoga. The learning and practice of kata (forms) and waza (techniques) requires intense Dharana (concentration) and dhyana (unification) training, leading the aspirant naturally to a unified state required of the A.'.A.'. initiate up to and beyond the adeptus minor level.

Some A.'.A.'. instructors may refuse such things, insisting on using Liber E as the basis of training. That is their prerogative, but personally, if a student goes through a rigourous system like this, which specifically teaches and tests in the requirements of the A.'.A.'., albeit under a different format, I would have no problem with accepting this as evidence for the relevant grades. My yardstick in such matters in not so much adherence to form for it's own sake, but simply practicality, does it get the required results?

Of course there are a lot of other requirements for an A.'.A.'. aspirant, the system is extensive and each must be armed at all points, both for their own training and for teaching others, which is a key part of the system. I consider that yoga is core practice, yet sadly degraded and downplayed by many students who are more interested in other aspects of the system that are more obviously 'occult', while the difficult, rigourous and often unnoticed disciplines of yoga, and their fruits, are forgotten on the bookshelf.

Love is the law, love under will.

When it gets uncomfortable

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

November is here and winter is breathing his cold winds. It is a few degrees above freezing in my apartment when I wake up and there is little I would like more than to lay in bed. Various things are coming up that make it harder to settle down into meditation or any sort of formal practice. Today I have an important pre-test for aikido, in which the senior instructor will determine if we are ready to progress to the next grade and thus be allowed to participate in the formal examination. I have a piece of writing that was five years in the making, winnowed down to a mere six pages in the hope that a publisher will see fit to allow it to go to peer review. The outcome of this, whether I can get a first author publication, will determine the direction of my career and I have to stop myself from constantly checking for updates. A recent health check requires me to have an issue examined further, and while probably nothing there is always the spectre of potential complications. Don't even get me started on the state of the world, politics, the environment.

I know full well that a meditation instructor would probably say, 'just sit'. And I do just sit, but it's not comfortable. after a few minutes I notice the mind has wandered off into speculations, daydreams, playing out worst and best case scenarios. Gone are the physical issues with meditation, years since. After meditating fairly solidly for nearly 10 years now the body quickly settles into zazen mode, itches and aches quickly subside into the background. It's as if the body knows this cross legged posture and knows that it means to relax, to melt into the cushion, spine strait, muscles lengthened, just rest. Still occasionally there are times when just sitting is the hardest thing. The mind is also usually fairly good at this game. Once the slow, tidal ebb and flow of the breath starts, the gentle counting from 1 to 10, a well worn groove, a well trodden synaptic pathway which time and repetition have reinforced to the point where it can quickly dominate the awareness.

Yet still, occasionally, mornings like this. The sense of so many things pending. Short term and long term goals just around the corner, success or failure. Doors closing and opening. In a way this is always going on, although there are crux points where it all seems to converge. It is at these points, where 'just sitting' becomes most important, that it becomes most difficult. At such times all we can do is redouble our determination. Go out for a walk or something, find ways to alleviate excess stress, avoid falling into cyclic internal dialogues or fruitless speculation. In practical terms, do all we can, practice what can be practices, send off that application, submit that paper, attend to your health. But finally, the results are out of our hands. The secret of magic is to perform the ritual and then forget it, go on with life, trust it, and know that in the greater scheme of things it doesn't really matter. There is nothing left to do but sit.

Love is the law, love under will.

Simplicity and regularity in daily practice

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The idea to write this entry came to me this morning, as I thought it would give a glimpse into the simplicity and regularity which has become a staple of my life in recent years, to show that despite the complexities of the A.'.A.'. as a system, at some point all that gives way to something quite different, if the initiate in question is constituted that way at least.

All the way through the Outer College grades I worked hard at each task, spending hours on it most days, memorising texts and readings, writing and performing complex rituals and trying my best to stick to a rigid routine of ceremonial and Raja Yoga based meditation, and I don't mind saying that it was an uphill slog that took years to complete. I rarely do anything like that now, and quite possibly the most outwardly occult thing I get up to is daily meditation, which I like to make more or less formal.

(Frater Pertinax in zazen)

Daily routine

I usually first stir around 4 or 5 in the morning, depending on the time of year. I get up, have a wash, make a cup of tea, before putting on the robe and settling down into zazen. My method is simple, a four-fold breath for perhaps 5 minutes, perhaps 4 or 5 seconds for each inhalation, exhalation and pause between the two. After the body has relaxed and the mind quietened down I will then count the inbreaths through the nose in cycles of ten breaths, usually between 3 and 5 sets, taking anything between 10 and 30 minutes, although I am not strict about this. The first few cycles I focus my attention on counting the inbreaths, feeling the cool of the breath on the inhalation, and may then switch to a focus on the outbreath for the final couple of cycles. By that time the mind and body are nicely unified and relaxed, I am wide awake and utterly calm. I usually finish up with the first sip of tea (just out of shot).

Following this, most recently my routine has been to perform a star ruby (Liber XXV), and Liber Resh, and may then read for a while, often one or another Holy Book; perhaps the Thelemic canon, Hindu or Buddhist, even Christian texts, usually the more mystical ones and I also enjoyed reading from the desert fathers recently so occasionally dip in to the sayings and stories of those old hermits.

Once the body has warmed up I will do some exercise, single person exercises for Aikido, some Tai chi (Yang style). If the weather is mild I will head outside for this, but often I will practice indoors. These are really moving Yoga so can be regarded as an extension of meditation.

Following that, breakfast, another cup of tea, checking the news, emails etc., and getting ready for work. I try to maintain a meditative and attentive attitude throughout the day, for which Aikido and Resh are perhaps the most useful tools for regular re-centering and focus.

In the evenings things are pretty normal, a couple of days per week I might go out to the park with wooden weapons and practice sword and staff (bokken and jo) forms for an hour, maybe more Tai chi, before coming in to make dinner and probably watch something on Netflix or Youtube, I prefer a good horror film, albeit the supernatural, creepy kind rather than slashers which I don't see the point of. I will also make time through the day to study, play violin or engage in either vocation or hobby related activities. I may have a drink or two on the weekend, or rarely during the week and very rarely to inebriation, I find it best to be moderate about this.

The day is usually finished with a walk in the evening, around sunset, more meditation, reading for leisure before bed at about 8 or 9 at night. As for diary entries, I reserve this for occasional reflections on the path or for interesting turns of events. Mostly daily life is quiet, rhythmic, uneventful, and not worth writing about so I may go weeks between entries. I am not looking for 'results' from my practice, I do it these days only because it is in my nature to do so, and not in order to obtain some result. My main 'task' at the moment is the harmonising of the gunas, and this kind of quiet, focused life suits that aim well enough. Meditation has become like brushing my teeth, it's just something I do in the mornings and I don't feel quite right until I've sat, even for a short period.

The key here I find is regularity, harmony and rhythm, as a car runs best on a smooth road with a measured hand steering, so in life, no impatient revving, pumping the brakes, or other disruptive behaviour from the driver, and as much as possible a clear road and clean windscreen. 

I don't have much in the way of rules, mostly it is just a case of being natural. One rule however is that I don't use any sort of social media between 6pm and 6 am, and don't use any internet at all after about 9pm. This means that the night hours up until dawn are hours of silence, rest and reflection. Before I instigated this I found it was much too easy to disrupt the silence and recollection by checking for messages or emails. Anything from the world that I feel has no place in contemplation and should be limited to the hours of normal human interaction. The result here is that rather than automatically going online and getting lost for hours scrolling through inane material, which was sometimes a problem before, I now simply get up and get on with the morning routine. Once my morning meditation is done, then I allow myself other pastimes.

And there it is, utterly mundane and stripped of all mystical pretense. No grand mystical experiences, no ecstasies or visions, no astral work and no profound spiritual insight, and I am not writing books on occultism or teaching. I just sit on my mat and breath, or else get on with my life in as quiet a way as possible. So, what's the point you might ask? Now there's a secret I don't quite know how to articulate.

Love is the law, love under will.

 

Results magic

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

In this post I want to talk a little on an aspect of the work that I don't really give much attention to. Eagle eyed readers will have noticed that in my title I have (mis)-spelled 'magic'. leaving out the k in Magick. There is a simple reason for this, to me, results magick is not the same thing as Magick. Some will doubtless disagree with this, or misunderstand what I mean, which is perfectly ok. But this is my opinion based on my experience over the last nearly 30 years of messing around with both magic and Magick, and I seek only to express rather than persuade.

My very first experiments at spells were probably at the age of about 10 or 11, when I recall finding a small booklet of spells for an old AMIGA game (not old back then in the early 1990's) of the sword and sorcery type. It had various spoken spells to make it rain, light fires, and other things that I forget. I remember shouting these simple bi-syllabic words at the heavens with my brother, and appearing to have some success in which we both marveled at the apparent power were had tapped, although looking back it was just as likely coincidence and I don't regard this as a result as such. This probably piqued my interest in the occult. Later, on discovering Wicca at about 13, whilst charms and spells are all part of that system, I cannot say I had any real success with them. I remember being a love lorn teenager petitioning the Goddess to make the girl I was in love with reciprocate, which she did after a fashion but not as I wanted, which in hindsight is just as well for both of us. In any case even at that point I had the sense that these things were really only window dressing and not really what the system was about. There was the Goddess and the horned God behind it all, quietly ruling over nature. Wicca has a distinctly religious aspect of the animistic type and somehow messing around with poppets to gain love or money seemed a bit vacuous compared to the great tides of nature. 

Crowley was at pains to separate his system of Magick from the parlour tricks kind of magic that we call results magic, or low magic. That's not to say that one should not ever do results magic, but that it should always be results "Magick". This is to say, that it should be in line with ones True Will. To paraphrase from memory, any other sort of magic (other than the Great Work) tends towards black magic, and to deliberately work towards anything other than the Great Work is black magick by definition. Of course, this means that the first and foremost task of the magician should be the that of discerning the True Will, which in the A.'.A.'. system stats with the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel, although we need not confine ourselves to that label.

I spend a fair amount of time using the internet and haunt a few occult, spirituality and Thelema based groups and forums. I often see posters asking for a spell for this, a charm for that, or advice on how to summon some demon from the Goetia. I've even seen people asking how to invoke the Virgin Mary and Christ! These people want spirits, up to and including God himself to manipulate reality on their behalf in order to obtain some secular end that they have been unable to secure for themselves. If God doesn't perform as they ask, they ask Satan or his demons. Others will try to use spells to effect changes in society, make politicians see sense or influence the ruling of high-court judges, and while these desires may be laudable in themselves, only a Magister can really claim to understand the universe, only a Magus has the Wisdom, and for the rest of us the use of magic to effect such things is I think presumption at best. Only one time have I managed to raise a significant amount of energy using results magic, for a protective spell for a friend going to a dangerous part of the world. The result was a backfire, resulting in a near mental collapse on my part and a withdrawal from the occult lasting several years, and however well intentioned my efforts I clearly didn't understand what I was dealing with. Far better to keep things on their respective planes, if you want a better world, work towards it in the usual, pragmatic way, but first, work on yourself, to quote Gandhi: 

“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”

The use of results magic to enact changes to the external world may be labelled as 'spiritual', but in my opinion there is nothing spiritual about it, it is entirely secular in its methods and objectives, and stems from the view of magical powers as a sort of supernatural Swiss Army knife to obtain ends more or less arbitrarily, with no consideration as to whether such things are proper to their nature or to the course of events. In fact, such people don't care about their real nature, their True Will, and are in reality only a collection of wants, justified with one or other label of spirituality.

As I have gone on in life, and with initiation, I have found more and more that I cannot perform even the simplest results magic, such is not in line with my Will. I understand the technical methods, and could probably put together a recipe for such a working well enough, but I lack to energy, the drive, the will to pull it off. On the other hand, not long ago I performed a working using four sigils for four spirits which I evoked directly as part of my current grade work. This was a directly willed task related to and supporting the ultimate end of the work of an Initiate, and instead of the halting, forced and artificial atmosphere of results magic, this was profound, intuitive, simple and effective, and entirely in line with the above quote, in that the subject of the required change was myself, to better express the universal will, not vice-versa. The results started almost immediately and those four forces, which had always been active in my life, now being named and recognised became much more obvious, and thus easier to control, which was the intent of the working. This has led to greater self-awareness and control in my daily life on the one hand, and unexpectedly, greater peace, trust and equanimity in my interior life. A deeper silence has opened up beyond the silencing of the internal dialogue, as a stream opens to a deeper lake, so the superficial silence of interior words has given way to a deeper interior quietude beyond a simple absence of words. 

The reason for this difference is clear enough I think. Results magic is based on exterior wants, the desires of the senses, it is focused on secular ends, on that which arises and passes away. Magick conducted as part of the Great Work, under the direction of ones Holy Guardian Angel, is interior, spiritual, of universal scope whilst also being entirely human and in harmony with our basic nature. The effects on ones outer life are not arbitrary, but are the result of a greater harmonising of the outer and the inner. Another way to put this would be to say that when what you really want is in harmony with the Tao, when ones personal life is in sync with the way of the universal, the True Will, or the Will of God, then magick becomes a natural expression of life rather than a device for fulfilling wishes, and the magician is then no longer a mere 'occultist', but a magician in the true sense, a being more powerful and yet simpler than the pseudo-spiritual type of occultist who wears his spirituality as a sort of posture. Nothing can stop you when you have the momentum of the universe behind you! 

Love is the law, love under will.

 

Inner Order Grades 1: Adeptus Minor 5=6

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The grade of Adeptus Minor is both the heart of the Great Work and the Heart of the tree of life. It is the summit of the Outer College grades and the focus towards which the aspirant has been aiming all through the preceding work. To get here she will have endured challenges on the physical, mental and emotional planes, have been proven time and again, and finally admitted, after a period of close scrutiny as an Dominus Liminus, to the grade of Adeptus Minor without. 

In truth, this is the furthest anybody can directly lead another, and all subsequent grades must be claimed by the aspirant as part of her ongoing work as a member of the Order of the Rose Cross. While grade papers do exist for these grades, they were written post-Crowley by an unknown successor and are not strictly necessary for advancement, which is not formal, but actual. 

This grade is situated in Tiphareth, the central point of the whole Tree of Life system. In terms of initiation this central point is the apex of the pyramid formed by the four grades of the Outer College, just as a pyramid was constructed by the Neophyte from the four powers of the Sphinx. This pyramid represents the alignment of four aspects of his being in Yetzirah, being the physical, emotional, intellectual, and socio/sexual aspects of the adepts exterior person, harmonised during the period as a Dominus Liminus, precipitating the dawning of the light of the Rosy Cross. 

Adeptus Minor (Without)

There is no set ritual to admit to the grade, although there are guidelines and the oath paper as per previous grades. Formally speaking the Adeptus Minor wears the robe of a Probationer, but with one important difference; within the pentagram on the breast is a symbol, which can vary between Adepti, but which will sum up the attainment of that Adept. I had though that this was a personal adaptation of my own, but began to notice that others were doing the same, thing, so I suppose some traditions arise naturally. My choice is a burning heart girt with a serpent, familiar from readers of Liber LXV. My take is to leave the choice of symbol, or no symbol at all, up to each initiate.

The Adeptus Minor has a single task, to "attain the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel". There are any number of options that the adept may use to complete her task. Liber Samekh can and has been used both as it is and adapted to suit the individual, which is what I did. The call of the 8th Aethyr provides another model, a streamlined version of the Abramelin ritual that only takes half the time to complete. But these are all really fingers pointing at the moon, certainly useful, they create the right mood in the Adept, but they themselves will not cause the Knowledge and Conversation. The thing is, and this should have been apparent for some time, the Adept cannot decide exactly when and where Knowledge and Conversation will take place, you can't simply will it into existence as if you could pull yourself up by your bootstraps! This seems to be a truism in all systems of attainment, and while the aspirant has been in relative control of her advancement through the previous grades, which were really a series of tasks that she could complete in sequence, entrance to Tiphareth is not something that can be forced. You can set the scene, light the incense, put on the soft music, but you cannot force the Holy Guardian Angel to pay you a visit, you cannot force success. There is every chance that the adept will not know success when he sees it if he thinks of it in terms of baking a cake, a little salt here, a dash of Abramelin oil, repeating barbarous words day in day out until like the postman, one's Holy Guardian Angel makes an entrance and solves all of one's problems, telling you to go write a book or start a new religion. Such thinking is doomed to failure. This step requires a different approach, a different mindset entirely, one of grace and a great deal of humility.

All through the Outer College grades, the magician has taken an active role, worked his way up the tree of life, accepted challenges and braved ordeals. He got here largely through grit and determination and by now will be a well honed and disciplined individual. But now, all that is done with, a switch has to occur. Instead of the masculine role, the feminine must be assumed. This is what is meant when it is said that the Holy Guardian Angel is always male. Biological gender here is immaterial, we are not dealing with biological matters, but spiritual ones, and here more than ever the magician must become mystic. The active must become receptive, a sense of Holy expectancy pervades the life of the Adept. For this reason, I tend to regard those who insist that their Angel is female, usually young men, as fantasists mistaking their fetish for illumination.

So, the Adept must set the scene, prepare themselves, truly make themselves fit, and then......wait, and watch. In a way the description of this stage as a sort of marriage is misleading. This waiting cannot be the impatient waiting of a bride for her groom. In a sense it is not even waiting for anything in particular, since such a psychological stance like a cat awaiting the mouse, or a runner awaiting the pistol shot, would create intolerable tension and soon tire. Boredom sets in, and with it stagnation.

Instead life goes on. The adept knows that she is waiting, and what she is waiting for, and thus vigilant awareness is required. Along with this, perhaps for the first time in years, there is nothing else to do, and aside from the routine of the operation and whatever ritual or practices this might involve, life takes on a very ordinary aspect. The adept is a very different person to Probationer who entered the Outer College, perhaps years before: the star in sight is overhead, a sense of knowing is there that was absent before; trust, faith even. Not the faith of 'belief in things which we know to be untrue' of the cynic, but the living faith of one who knows that dawn is approaching, and that the glimmer of pink on the horizon will soon bloom into the first golden rays of dawn.

Adeptus Minor (Within)

Descriptions of the Knowledge and Conversation experience vary. Some are poetic in expression, ecstatic even, while others are more reserved, but they are notable for their paucity, leading to the common conception that it only happened to Crowley, and perhaps a handful of others. I don't know whether this paucity is because the event is rare, or because it is so personal, and people don't want to put their experience on display for fear that somebody will come along and tell them they are dreaming. I propose a third option, that of embarrassment! A light show was expected, flashing words writ across the sky and a voice of thunder declaring the True Will to the enraptured Adept. Quite the opposite seems to be the case. The Adept may even think she has failed, and it may take a while to realise that anything has changed, because in a certain sense, nothing has changed, the Knowledge and Conversation was there all along.

The Adept will have already had the 'Vision of Adonai', and will notice the difference. In my case the vision consisted of waking up one morning to light inside myself, brighter than the light of the sun when I opened my eyes, and a clear, lucid consciousness that what I was waiting for (as a Neophyte at that point) had occurred. The result of this was fresh confidence based on the knowledge that there was something to all of this business of attainment, and the long term effect was a kind of confirmation of the path, which is why, I believe, that a Zelator (2=9) is considered to be on the path for life, whether they like it or not. Reports vary, and it has been described as a 'kiss' of the angel, but I am not an emotional type, and there was no sense of love or eroticism, simply light and awareness that the source of that light was the very heart of my being.

The key difference between this and the Knowledge and Conversation, is the aspect of communication. While one effect of the K&C is the continued purification and refinement the lower sephirah, the real benefit is that inner certainty, trust in life, that even while I don't understand it, and sometimes it is unpleasant, there is a process going on which I am a part of, and that part is ultimately worth it, even though the why is beyond my comprehension. This is Knowledge. While the vision assured me that I was on the right track, the K&C gave specific marching orders, a path which I was to take in life, nothing beyond the realms of probability, no earth shattering revelation of things I'd never considered, but acts that I'd put off for years through fear of failure and a desire to be sensible, to do the right thing in the eyes of others, all of which doubts have since been kicked into the long grass. That was five years ago now and I have followed out the task as given almost to its completion. Not that I think that is an end to it, simply that I have no idea what comes next, and I don't need to know. The path continues.

Some thoughts on the nature of the Holy Guardian Angel: the Holy Guardian Angel is not 'a being', it is being itself, intuited in the mind of Man, and thus taking the form of that mind. However this is illusion, as it must be as an Atziluthic force descending into Briatic, archetypal consciousness with only the vaguest expression in the Yetziratic, astral plane. The Knowledge and Conversation is not an event in time, like a conversation with a person, it is ongoing conversation and communion with pure being. I have read descriptions of flashing lights and unearthly visions, rapture and ecstasy, but I tend to view such descriptions with a degree of scepticism, they are too flowery, they try too hard to make something special out of it, they are full of astral 'noise', the emotional and intellectual content of the perceiver, and to my mind this detracts from the utter simplicity of the event. I am inclined to the opinion that the shock of a vision is in inverse proportion to the readiness of the recipient, as a stone dropped perfectly into a pool leaves no ripple, so the final union is consummated in silence.

Love is the law, love under will.

Knowledge and Conversation is only the beginning

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The A.'.A.'. path from Neophyte to Adeptus Minor is a long slog. The amount of time, dedication and study required, the tests needing to be sat, the diaries written and submitted, and the plethora of other ancillary tasks to be completed is truly daunting, and many people seem to just get stuck chugging away at one or another grade for years at a time, never mind the ordeals. However, what people fail to realise is that all of this is preparatory and should probably take no more than five or six years. 

Now, I enjoyed my Outer College years immensely. Never in my life had I so systematically studied and practiced the magical and mystical arts. However, once you get to the Inner College you realise that this was all just practice and preparation, essential groundwork but still only preliminary. The Outer College curriculum is designed on one hand to begin working on breaking down mental, emotional and physical limitations, and to give the individual a full suite of techniques to meet any circumstances, a veritable Swiss army knife of occult knowledge, on the other. It has to be like this since as the aspirant has not yet attained knowledge and conversation he has no real idea of what he is and what he should be doing, and so he is trained as comprehensively as possible in all of the classes of methods of attainment. 

It all changes at the Adeptus Minor grade (without). While as an adept in the A.'.A.'. he must be armed at all points, he will now be in a position to select the most suitable tools for his particular job. At the same time his knowledge puts him in a position to teach others. This is essential because one key component of A.'.A.'. membership is the will to teach. Even if, of all the tools available, he himself only requires one or two fine tuned to his own needs, he still has to be able to offer instruction and testing in the full curriculum of the Holy Order if he is to authentically claim his grade.

The Adeptus Minor (within), having attained to the knowledge and conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel, and newly awake to briatic consciousness, has received his marching orders so to speak. A new sense of purpose awakens in him, and although he may not know the ultimate goal of his orders, he knows where to start and intuitively begins the necessary adjustments. If the Outer College is like the private soldier receiving his basic training (an extremely thorough training I might add), and the Adeptus Minor (without) is his commission, this next stage (5=6 within) is akin to his receiving orders from high command (K&C), via the path of Gimel. He may not know the overall strategic mechanism in play and can only guess at his ultimate role in the operation, but he at least knows what to do next and has the necessary tools and training to do so.

While 5=6 may entail a period of repose, it typically shifts gear quite quickly. It is this switch from knowledge to action that constitutes the shift from 5=6 to 6=5. Without trying to cover every detail of either grade, the Adeptus Major not only has his orders, but is actively implementing them, even though he may not know the full meaning of his acts. This is what is meant when it says (One star in sight) that the 6=5 has full magical power, but without comprehension. If will stops and asks why, etc.....he does not need to ask, but he must act, he must follow his orders, the will of his angel.

The Adeptus Exemptus is a much more complete individual. Having learned to discern the will of his angel (5=6), he was given command and told to act (6=5), the act complete and, as is often the case, understanding his role in hindsight, he then comes to understand the deeper strategy, not just what the Angel requires, but what it means (7=4), he knows more fully who he is and what his place in the overall scheme of things is. The adept at this stage is one who has come into his own in life, the captain of his ship, the professor in his college, he then formulates his attainment in his thesis, and only then can he, understanding his role in the action, be in a position to firstly, accept the curse of the next step, and willingly walk into the abyss. He can only offer all that he is to the cup of Babalon if he knows what that all consists of. Further than this, it is not just knowing what one has to offer, but the work and awareness attained in getting to this stage make the next step the only conceivable action when one's life is seen in its proper context in relation to the universal life. I would hazard to say (I'm not a 7=4), that anyone who cannot easily and definitely take this next step has not really attained to the maturity of this grade. If you are ready it's not a jump, but a step, a natural progression. If you are not ready nothing at all can force the issue and failure, possibly even insanity await those who presume to do so. The risk is not that the abyss is inherently dangerous, only that in failing to understand oneself the unprepared adept will not be able to make the jump, and if he insists that he has done so when he hasn't then all of his acts and words will be based on a false premise. This is by definition insanity.

We can see then that the Outer College grades are really preparatory for the step taken at 5=6, and of these the most important is probably the step up from 1=10 to 2=9, the step at which most people stop, unable to attain a genuine interior awareness they remain mere 'occultists', rather than magicians in any real sense. They may bring with them shifts of awareness that seem amazing to the magician traversing these grades for the first time. He will be tempted to hang around and enjoy the view, and this is fine in itself, each to their own. But the attainment of the Knowledge and Conversation is only the first real step. The Inner College grades are where the True Will of the Adept is carried out, where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. While success of any given 1=10 is anybody's guess, I would recommend, that each aspirant of the first yetziratic triad (2=9, 3=8, 4=7) makes every effort to complete their Outer College grade work as quickly as possible, without skipping any steps or skimming over anything, but not spending too much time procrastinating and trying to get everything perfect (since you are not an adept, how can you know what 'good enough' is, let along perfect?). Even once these things are done the operation to invoke the Holy Guardian Angel is still ahead, and beyond that, the Great Work awaits.

Love is the law, love under will. 

 

Meditation Demystified 2 (Pranayama)

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The second stage of raja yoga, is pranayama, which we often think of as 'breath control', but is really the control of the life force (prana). So while this practice starts with the breath, it is really the prana that is being manipulated, or better to say regulated, through the breath. Throughout the various oriental traditions of meditation and yoga are various approaches to this, each with their own theoretical models and concepts. The Taoist methods of Tai chi and Qi gong are good examples, particularly the latter, of pranayama, and I would recommend them as extracurricular activities. 

The most basic form of breathing exercise is simply watching the breath. Either just gently following it or counting to ten with each cycle. This method can itself lead to the highest results and to be completely honest little else is strictly necessary, with the caveat that this is true for a mind already well disposed and balanced, in a healthy body capable of relaxing fully. The rest of us have to work at this, and so we have the methods of Yoga.

Modern man (and probably historical man too) has a huge number of stresses and imbalances to work through before he can really get down to business. Not all of us are called to live in a monastery, and all of us have baggage, so auxiliary exercises are necessary to prepare the initiate for meditation. Once Asana has been established, the first of these is of course pranayama.

If we peruse Liber E, A.C. gives various methods and variations on breathing exercises that the student can try out. I won't repeat or comment on these individually except to say that the student should beware of letting this practice turn into a sort of competition to try to constantly slow the breath more and more. The breath naturally slows as the body relaxes, the muscles and circulatory system open up, the blood flows more efficiently, delivering oxygen and nutrients to every part of the body, and with it the flow of prana becomes both stronger and more even. If you try to force a tensed body to slow the breath you only suffocate it, and the sign that you are doing this is that after a few cycles you are gasping for breath.

In all things the breathing, while being ideally slow and deep, should be natural and in harmony with the state of the body. Crowley talks about automatic rigidity, but in my experience at least this is only a preliminary stage early in the practice of pranayama. After this a gradual and deep relaxation occurs, much like success in asana, with which this state is essentially identical. Once automatic rigidity is obtained it should immediately be relaxed. Rigidity is the body trying to hold on to something, and in meditation we really don't want to be holding on to anything. The breath should be natural and slow, in through the nose, out through the mouth, slowing to a point before you start to feel short of breath, so initially it might be quite rapid. I would aim for an inhalation of about 10 seconds, and inhalation of about 15 initially, shortening a little if you start to feel short of breath, but allowing the body to naturally relax with each exhalation until a sort of settle liveliness, not the dead relaxation of a rock, but the living relaxation that we can see in a cat at rest. 

You can also experiment with adding Kumbhakam (holding the breath) for short periods at the conclusion of either the inhalation or the exhalation. The two have different effects, although for relaxation I would recommend at the end of the exhalation where it can be held longest without strain. In the above suggested 10/15 cycle I would add perhaps 5 seconds to make 10/15/5, although you may well find that other cycles suit you better, so experiment, and listen to the body. Of course bodies differ, and even the same body will differ depending on a range of variables such as time of day, weather, stress levels and others. The job of the aspirant is to learn for herself which variables influence her practice and to adapt accordingly to maximise the benefits of the practice.  

In A.'.A.'. terms, the initiate must be able to hold to a cycle of pranayama for a given period of time, traditionally one hour. Personally I don't think this is necessary and have methods available to determine whether the results of pranayama have been obtained. The real results should be a deep relaxation, steadiness and great improvement of the quality of the asana, which before was measured rather bluntly by how long the Zelator could maintain it. At this point we really want to look for quality rather than quantity, since anyone with a bit of grit can endure an hour of sitting. In pranayama, only constant and intelligent practice will bring about the sort of relaxed steadiness that is required.

These methods are difficult to describe, so I won't go into detail, but in general the examiner will sit with the student for a period of time in asana, and the latter will then begin pranayama. The resulting relaxation should come fairly quickly, after less than a dozen cycles, after which the examiner can test by gently pressing the student while in the asana, while himself completely relaxed and centered, carefully sensing movements of the automatic reflexes for signs of tension or instability. Small tremors and movements will betray the slightest tension. Of course, knowing that he is being tested will tend to cause higher levels of tension and thus pronounced responses, but this is ok since it makes for a better test of the students steadiness and relaxed state.

As was implied earlier in this post. Pranayama isn't about the breath. The breath is just the method. What is really being trained is prana, which is to say the nervous system and the energy which flows through it, which, while invisible, is perceptible through its action in the body. Where body and mind are not unified and prana is not under control, it will tend to respond to all sorts of outside influences, particularly those administered by the examiner who knows exactly what to look for. If the students pranayama isn't resulting in greater levels of relaxation, both of mind and body, these impulses will remain beyond his control and thus beyond the scope of his will. If he cannot control these then he does not have control over himself, except in the crudest of terms. Will is still a matter of deliberate mentation, and not yet part of the students being 

Personally I wouldn't expect perfection in a Practicus, but I would expect a level of relaxation above that obtained by the same individual as a Zelator. While the testing itself could last only a few minutes I would be looking for signs that even if the prana is twitchy, the Practicus is aware of this and is able to respond appropriately, not by tensing, but by deepening her relaxation. 

Space here does not permit a full detailed examination of the methods I use, and in any case they are liable to be misinterpreted unless shown first hand, for which one to one contact is required. I am aware that these methods may appear rather idiosyncratic, but actually they are derived from Raja Yoga as practiced and taught by Japanese students over the last 80 years under the tutelage of Nakamura Tempu, an ex-Japanese Army spy operating in China in the 1930's, who later practiced Raja Yoga in the Himalayas before returning to Japan to teach it to some of the early Aikido instructors, themselves students of zen Buddhism and Ichikukai misogi training, and familiar with methods of meditation. I use these methods because they work, are devoid of metaphysical speculation, and with practice can be taught to and learned by anyone. I would not say however that these methods should be universal, individual instructors will have their own methods. In my case, when I was a Practicus my instructor offered no such testing, but since I was already undergoing training in pranayama and relaxation and being regularly tested as part of my Aikido training. She, being a martial artist and Yoga practitioner, recognised the validity of what I was doing and its applicability to the A.'.A.'. work, and passed me on those grounds, For this reason I employ the same methods. 

 Love is the law, love under will.

Meditation Demystified 1 (Asana)

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The training of the mind is central to the curriculum of the A.'.A.'. and can fit nicely into practically any spiritual tradition due to its non-sectarian, empirical nature. Crowley wrote extensively on the subject, and his 'Eight lecture on Yoga' is a classic that I think anyone wishing to take up the practice should acquire.

There is, as Crowley notes, more nonsense written about yoga, than about anything else in the world. I can only echo him when he states; "There is nothing mysterious and oriental about Yoga". I would venture that despite recognising this fact, he himself wrote a fair amount of nonsense on the topic, and going by an examination of Liber E seemed to regard yoga as a branch of athletics where the aim is to gradually deepen ones pranayama and lengthen the time spent in asana.

Having gone through these practices and also trained in another school of Raja Yoga I am pretty confident in stating that there is no goal to this practice; meditation is as useful as drinking wine and listening to Mozart. It serves no purpose, you won't get anything particularly useful out of it, you do it because you 'dig it', and Alan Watts puts it. Reality is an acquired taste and most of us are engaged in various forms of escapism much of the time. If your yoga practice is producing visions and strange effects then you are not in fact meditating, but in fact doing something else. 

It should be noted though that Liber E is really no more than an aid-memoir, and the student should really discuss methods with her supervisor who should be in a position to advise. I would also recommend enrolling in formal sessions of yoga or zazen, if these are available, since nothing beats first hand instruction. 

Meditation is central to the A.'.A.'. curriculum, so I want to address the topic in as simple a way as possible. While I have stated that meditation is useless, it is interesting. Just as our Mozart and wine connoisseur will learn to discern nuances and details inaccessible to the tyro, the meditator will also in time come to appreciate the movements of the mind in ways not apparent, and in this way acquaint himself both with the mind and with reality as it is in itself, and this constitutes illumination. 

While the Hindu tradition says a lot about Yoga that the practitioner can only confirm or deny by experience, I feel that it has the potential to be misleading. This is because it starts from a religious perspective, positing a definite doctrine and cosmology and expecting experiences to conform to this. For the A.'.A.'. student this may also be the case and he is liable to ascribe all sorts of meaning and mileposts to his 'results' based on a Thelemic understanding of things. Personally I prefer the zen approach, which does not assume anything or set definite goals, but proceeds empirically, is entirely observation based, and (in my opinion) better suited to the 'method of science', that the A.'.A.'. purports to teach. However, Crowley knew little of zen (at least he wrote little about it, if anything except indirectly when he discussed Taoism) and his Buddhism seems based largely on reports of 19th century commentators who interpreted it as a sort of nihilistic, world denying death cult. But that's a different topic, I digress...   

In this post I would like to outline my approach to meditation and yoga. I will not discuss here things like astral travelling or the spirit vision, which do not really relate to meditation and in fact serve the opposite purpose. Meditation is not about 'transcending' the real world. Nor is it about going on intense inner journeys or safaris in ones' own mind or on the astral planes. It is not about getting outside the body, talking with spirits or angels, and most definitely not about obtaining visions. While meditating these things, if they arise, should be considered breaches in the magicians circle. The Japanese word for them is Makyos, and they constitute the hallucinations and mental distortions that arise in the course of meditation. They can easily be mistaken for results by the inexperienced practitioner, but are best brushed aside. As a rule of thumb, the meditator should ignore anything that arises in his meditation.

While astral work and the rest are part of the A.'.A.'. curriculum, and necessary for formal progress in that system, they have the potential to do damage to the initiate, to 'loosen the girders of the soul', and are purposely destabilising. Meditation serves as a counter balance, a tether in ordinary life. This is why, immediately after the completion of the 1=10 grade, in which the aspirant is purposely shaking things loose, she is expected to step up her meditation practice and get well and truly grounded. The practices given for this are those of meditation, specifically Raja Yoga but other options are, in my opinion, perfectly fine.

1: Posture

The first thing that needs to be done is the stilling of the body. The practitioner wants to be able to think (or not think) without undue disturbance from the body, something that will be essential when she comes to tackle Pranayama and Dharana later on. The classic practice for this is Asana. A look at Liber E shows a range of postures, derived from classical sources. They all have their potential benefits and drawbacks. rather than go through each exhaustively I will discuss what I feel a good asana should consist of.

Crowley states that an Asana is that which is 'steady and easy'. It is then any posture that keeps the body upright, preferably with minimal external support, and allows for total relaxation. The spine should be upright and straight, and definitely not leaning on the back of a chair. The breathing should be totally unencumbered. I like to sit cross legged, but in such a way that the knees are not twisted, so full-lotus is out. Knee joints only have limited torsional strength, and once they give way they will always be weak, so a position in which they are neither twisted, nor hyper-extended is best. The Dragon, otherwise known circles as Seiza, can be useful if taught correctly, which it usually isn't. In the dragon posture, care must be taken to not slump back onto the heels and the body should be aligned so that the weight is directly between the knees and ankles, not over one or the other. While many traditions involve long periods in this posture, it can get uncomfortable, particularly if you have a large frame. 

The spine should be straight whatever asana is chosen, and the head upright, facing forward, with the eyes either straight forward or gazing gently at a spot on the floor two metres from you, assuming you are sitting on the floor. You should not be looking down, as this tends to withdraw awareness. In zazen the eyes are not closed, but do not look at anything in particular. Closed eyes will cause the awareness to withdraw and mental traffic to increase, and the intention is not to block out the world around you, but to become part of it. If you wish to escape reality then there is always alcohol, sleep, or TV. 

I like to use the half lotus posture, sitting cross legged on a small cushion, left foot over the right knee, spine straight and hands cupped in my lap in a mudra, left hand over right, both palms up and thumb tips lightly touching. A small cushion under the bottom can help elevate the body a little, assisting the posture. If the weather is cold a blanket across the knees is also useful. Once the posture is assumed it should be perfectly balanced. Spine straight, as it the head were being lightly pulled upwards by the crown. The neck, shoulders and arms should be relaxed. The chest should be neither thrust out or collapsed inwards. After ten minutes or so an unbalanced posture will become painful at the point of greatest strain, typically the lower back. You can always adjust and in time and a little experiment the best posture will become apparent. 

The place of practice should be quiet, clean and uncluttered with no cold drafts and little to draw the eye. I like to face a wall and will sometimes burn a little incense. Music it not required since the objective is presence in the here and now, with little to distract and only the mind and five senses for company. Avoid anything extra and anything that might draw the mind into mystical speculations or internal ruminations. The mental attitude is as important as the physical one, and in asana the best way is to not try to stop thoughts, but to be aware of them in the same way as you would be aware of birds singing.

I will cover some of the methods of breathing in detail later, when I discuss Pranayama, but for simplicity you can breath gently through the nose, follow the feeling of the breath or count each breath cycle from one to ten. Breathing should be soft, natural and easy. We are not trying to control anything at this point but instead allowing the body to  adopt its natural activity. Essentially, movement of the chest is minimal, let the stomach expand and contract lightly and easily, there should be no gasping and the breath should be deep and slow just as if you were asleep. 

While there is no point in waiting for Asana to be perfect before moving on to Pranayama, I would consider this the fundamental practice, the one on which all others are build, and probably only the really important one since it contains all of the critical elements of body and mind. These days it is the one practice that I do most often, and it really is the cornerstone of my practice.

A word on asana relating to the zelator grade of A.'.A.'.. As per tradition, she must sit in her asana for one complete hour without moving, shifting or scratching, in order to be formally passed to the grade of practicus. In order for this to be possible she must have selected a posture which is comfortable, balanced, and relaxing. One hour is a long time to sit entirely motionless and if your posture isn't really good by the time you go for testing it's going to be hell. Remember also that asana isn't a competition, and while an hour is mandatory for the A.'.A.'., in daily life you need not sit this long. I typically sit for 10-15 minutes, occasionally longer. One thing I do insist on, is that during the test, the examiner sits with the zelator, also in their asana, for the whole hour. Not only does this demonstrate commitment on the part of the examiner, but also gives support to the zelator and enables them to sit, not with the feeling of being watched, but in the common experience of sitting, which is something I feel is missing from the solitary life of an A.'.A.'. aspirant.

Love is the law, love under will.

 

Outgrowing Thelema

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

A little over a year ago I was talking with a friend and brother and I informed him that I was no longer a Thelemite. At the time I didn't entirely know what that meant, I only knew it to be the case. I was no longer saying Resh, facing Boleskine, doing Star Rubies or even reading Crowley's works. His philosophy, while interesting, no longer seemed, or seems real to me, and no longer touches me on any deep level. I am no longer a Thelemite, although it is part of my makeup. But then so are a number of other traditions.

I have now been actively involved in the A.'.A.'. for coming up to ten years. I have memorised Holy Books, performed magickal ceremonies and workings, invoked under the stars with wine and strange drugs. I spent 5 years in the OTO, leaving when it became apparent that they were not really 'doing the work', but instead engaged in an elaborate laarp (an understanding that hit me like a flash right in the middle of my II* initiation ceremony), and was rapidly being infiltrated by the alt-right, cleft by identity politics, intrigue and accusations of sexual misconduct as well as battles for hegemony a sort of thelemic hegemony contentious factions, and in general becoming entirely secular in its concerns. If that's organised Thelema I wanted none of it.

Though I have been involved in occultism since my teens, Thelema didn't really take off for me until my 20's. One fine, clear night in the very early spring of 2001 I was approaching my 21's birthday. I recall thinking that I was unhappy with where I was in life, having left school at 16 with only a single GCSE to my name and no discernible future. I had spent a lot of the time taking hallucinogenics and doing magic. All I really knew was that I didn't want to still be in that loop in ten years time. I recalled that night Aleister's words: "If you want to change your luck, you have to do something out of character". I took him at his word, and to the shock of most of my friends I signed up for 4 years in the British Army, where I was involved in surveillance and target acquisition and did two tours of active service.

That got the ball rolling. You could call it an act of Will, i.e. probably the first thing I had ever done that wasn't an automatic response to circumstances. But get the ball rolling was all it did, and it was several years before I learned to steer. When I got out of the Army I immediately went into autopilot, very nearly getting married to an alcoholic and settling down to a life that promised nothing but mediocrity and boredom punctuated by drunkenness and resentment. Luckily Uncle Al came to the rescue again and by way of escapism I began reading Thelemic works again and started quietly looking into the A.'.A.'.. After a betrayal of trust on her part I left my fiance, skipped town, joined the A.'.A.'., and the following year enrolled in university, where I spent eight years training to be a scientist.

Now looking back it appears something of a roller-coaster ride since that starry night 19 years ago. I am of course thankful for the Thelemic mindset. It gave me a lot of grit and determination. It is for this that I selected the motto 'Pertinax' (Stick to it). As far as the Outer College work goes, persistence is key. As in life, if you want to attain a set goal, persistence is key. Yet I maintain now that I am not a Thelemite. Not any more, at least not in the strict sense.

In terms of Doctrine, much of the bells and whistles of Thelema no longer ring true for me. I don't believe the reception story, I personally think that Crowley wrote Liber Al whilst on a sort of mental high or ecstasy, something that he himself said he was capable of. It's full of his style and bluster and I see no reason to believe a preaterhuman consciousness dictated it. I do however accept the basic premise Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law, and that Love is the law, love under will, and the metaphysical concepts described as Nuit, Hadit, and Ra Hoor Khuit, so perhaps I'm a Thelemite afterall, but these are only words to me, they point to things but in themselves are misleading. Babalon to me is overly sexualised and tends to short circuit the end it is intended to serve, defeating its own object and causing the mind to focus on the distractions of procreation. As for the A.'.A.'., well, there clearly are no Secret Chiefs. I agree with my supervisor that the A.'.A.'. is a spectrum of consciousness that anybody can plug into. The mundane order by that name that Crowley founded is only a syllabus and a structure. Nonetheless the spectrum of consciousness remains, and many of us have been successful in implementing the syllabus he gave and integrating it into our lives to great success.

The last couple of year have been about burning up old karma. About neutralizing the effects of previous causes, and what Castaneda called 'erasing personal history'. The sum total of my actions over the last 19 years is rapidly approaching completion. This is by no means permanent, and like anybody else I have to plan for inevitable change. Unlike before however I have no defined goals, the HGA didn't leave further instructions beyond what I am doing now. I have no True Will as such. One of the first things that happened when I was admitted as a 5=6 is that the HGA, up until that point a constant guide and companion, disappeared. The vision and name obtained prior to that proved empty signs, fingers pointing to the moon. I had my marching orders back in 2015, which I duly obliged, and by doing so found myself exactly where 16 year old me had dreamed I might end up, although at the time it was only a fantasy. It is now down to me to reach my own understanding, without having it given to me by an apparent outside force, and I am fine with that.

Now I am here, and by a much stranger route than I would have imagined. Nearing the completion of that particular karma, there is nothing left to will, no right or wrong path, only decisions that I make in the presence of the eternal. From here it's less about True Will and more about momentum. I am like a planet cast out of its original orbit around its birth star, out into the wilds of space. How far I go and how fast depend on momentum built up, and whether I hit something in the meantime; life can always throw a curve ball. 

I am less inclined to force anything, let alone set my will going in any particular direction. I have become more acquiescent, reflective. "Behold where thine angel hath led thee", now jump! My daily study and practice is that of Zen, and the Christianity that I was originally brought up in, now understood afresh from the perspective of an initiate. The significance of the crucifixion, original sin and other core elements beyond the mass of cultural accouterments and biases added to it from its inception in the 1st century. Not that I believe it in any literal sense, only that I understand the formula and can thus accept it as a praxis. A deepening appreciation of existence as it is, rather than what I would like it to be. Presence, mindfulness really, and a connection to life on its own terms, as per the Golden Dawn 5=6 ceremony: "even as we are bound to the cross of suffering", the only way to get on with life is to accept it, warts and all, without evasion or fear. I suppose I am reaching middle age, being 40 this year. Gone to seed, as a younger, more condescending me might have said, with a slight sneer no doubt. I will never be the sort of Christian that the church likes, an obedient sheep, and I am probably a poor sort of occultist, not rejecting Christianity wholesale as I did in my youth, but instead wearing it like an old jumper, a bit ragged and sometimes itchy, with holes and stains, but undoubtedly comfortable.

While I myself am no longer a Thelemite, I don't disregard it's value. Thelema is like a dose of salts, it gets results, and quickly. Anyone who takes up Thelema as a core philosophy should hold onto their hat. For those stuck in a rut it's just the thing, as well as for those indoctrinated with the more pernicious fundamentalist sorts of religion I would recommend a prescription of Thelema, as well as to anyone who's life has stalled and looks set to crash on takeoff. For this reason I continue to work within the A.'.A.'. system, as a spectrum of consciousness rather than a dogmatic position' Let others make a new religion of Thelema, I am quite content to just quietly tend my own garden.

Love is the law, love under will.

An Order of the Spirit

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Those starting out on the path often meet with confusion when they discover that contrary to their expectation of a singular Order known as the A.'.A.'., there are in fact dozens of A.'.A.'.'s. They then find themselves faced with the task of discernment: which is the 'real' one? Endless sleuthing then ensues, chasing paperwork chains, trying to verify claims and endless conflict in the lower planes. This conflict arises even among so-called initiates claiming their bit of the sand-box here in Malkuth. It really is endless and cyclic, and serves as a fantastic winnowing pan, but sooner or later we have to move on if we are to advance in the way of the Spirit.

You see, A.C. was quite clear when he stated that the A.'.A.'. has existed since time immemorial as an Order of the Spirit. My own experience and that of others that I have spoken to confirm this, we work not within mundane or even yetziratic spheres, but in fact much higher up the tree of life. While we that work within this or that lineage descended from A.C. must take care to preserve his outer rules and guidelines for consistencies sake, in reality it is not this or that person or group who will initiate an aspirant, but the Spirit of Wisdom itself. Sometimes a student will struggle under the confines of the formal system and its technical requirements and be held back. Or conflicting with the personalities of supervisors will withdraw altogether. If he is wise he will realise that these things are of the lower planes in the world of action, and that the Spirit of Wisdom continues in the background irrespective of these issues that occupy us so deeply.

Of what I have seen of aspirants over the years, including myself, those who take their oaths seriously and get 'hooked up' as it were, tend to continue in the work whether they plan to or not. Movement between lineages happens, those who formally leave continue alone because it is in their nature. Occasionally people re-join outer orders when they are more properly fitted or other wise get moved from place to place. My supervisor now isn't my original supervisor, since she withdrew formally about 5 years ago and I was obliged to seek another connection, in the outer at least, and I wasn't going to call it a day just because she had. We can never tell where we will be fitted to the chain. Since the world of action requires a special patience and maturity that often only develops away from others solitude is needed.

Once the hook is in, as it were, the aspirant is like a fish on the line; the spirit moves in him and he is drawn inexorably up the tree of life irrespective of conditions in the outer world, the spirit often has little regard for the letter. The signs are there if he knows how to look and whilst an A.'.A.'. aspirant has to pass various practical and written tests and complete technical work in order to be formally admitted to a grade, real initiation does not necessarily abide by these rules. One of the most difficult jobs in an outer order is attempting to marry up formal and actual initiation. Usually an aspirant will have actually obtained a grade quite some time before being formally admitted. On the other hand, once this actual admission is recognised by the aspirant it usually serves as a catalyst for them to complete the work, so I like to let them know when they are ready, it gives that extra impetus needed to reach the next summit!

While I hold with the opinion that if a person expects to teach A.C.'s system to others he should have learned it thoroughly himself. I also have to concur that the 'Real' A.'.A.'. is much broader and deeper than the syllabus set out in Crowley's writing, and in fact is a school with many colleges where students study many different topics and methodologies. This is not an Order of rules and regulations, of strict deadlines and exact copying of the work of dead men, this is an Order of the Spirit of Wisdom! Wisdom guides and teaches, not other men and women who are, when all is said and done, no more than fellow pilgrims on the road!

A promising aspirant may have difficulty in settling into a formal Order with its rules and syllabus of technical teachings. Not to say that these things are bad, they work for some and the Outer College curriculum is a fantastic primer to initiation in general, but each must come to the work in his own way, answering the call as he understands it. As we hear occasionally, there are many Brothers and Sisters of the A.'.A.'. who never hear of such an Order existing. I would only add, that there are also many members of formal orders who never enter the Order of the Spirit and instead fixate on mundane works, spending their lives in tribal groups and never really ascending beyond this burning ground of Malkuth. When a finger points to the moon, you don't look at the finger.

Our task then becomes one of making ourselves fit, learning to listen, wait watchfully for the movement of the Spirit of Wisdom within us and in those who we work with as aspirants. Not only watching, clipboard in hand to make sure they (and we) meet certain prescribed criteria so that we can put a tick in a box, which can lead to little more than a heightening of the judgmental attitude that I feel precludes real communion between people. Rather we watch for the movement of the spirit that signifies real progress, a movement that marks out aspirants as surely as the brand on the forehead which he receives when he is admitted to the order. Learning to recognise this requires real humility and discernment, since we must always be careful that we don't fall into a doctrinaire interpretation of things and thus exclude the Spirit entirely, for the simple reason that it is easier to understand written and formal rules and we lack the subtlety to discern the spirit. We do not try to bring the Holy Order down to our level; on the contrary it is our responsibility to rise up to meet it. 

Love is the law, love under will.

The Vision and the Voice

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

Having been working through the A.'.A.'. system for most of a decade now I've gotten pretty familiar with most, if not all of the writings of Aleister Crowley's writings. As I have gone on, I have more and more branched out and explored areas of mysticism that Crowley never wrote much about, or at least only touched on briefly. Other things he seems to have completely missed, or else ignored. These omissions have largely carried over into the writings of his predecessors, who unsurprisingly follow similar veins of thought and arrive at similar conclusions. It has become the thing to try to emulate Crowley, to obtain his visions, his 'heights of ecstasy', and to understand the path in the way that he did. Along with Thelema as a system; a Victorian era occultism, Jungian psychology, dream analysis and other visionary experiences are a big part of the A.'.A.'. system, so they are important as a basis for a spiritual education of this type. However there comes a time when the book needs to close on these things, some distance gained, as a way of getting perspective and developing as a person along lines derived from ones karma, if you like, rather than the forced growth of a vine trained to a frame for the convenience of the gardener.

The more my own practice deepens, the more I realise that this stuff really is only the preliminaries of the spiritual life. The Neophyte is encouraged to work with astral and etheric forces. By doing so she opens up the doorway to Yesod via the path of Tau, and from there becomes a denizen of the astral realm, that of the instincts followed by an incursion into realm of the mind, of concepts and images, and at a deeper strata the realm of emotions and socio/sexual programming, in short the things which for many of us make up our personalities, who we are, or who we think ourselves to be.

The best way to view a mountain isn't from the summit, but from a distance. In terms of practice, a lot of what I do these days is less about climbing to the summit of who I am, but of getting sufficient distance from it to be able to appreciate it, both in itself and in relation to the landscape in which it sits. Thelema is very individualistic, as is modern western culture. The 'individual' takes centre stage in his or her own drama. Given the inevitability of death and the disintegration of the body, and with it the individual, this is vain worship of a false idol. Modern society all but forces this worship, making it the default position. We worship vapidity and temporariness and spirituality of all stripes teaches us to hope implicitly for an afterlife of some sort, a continuation of the individual after the death of the body, either by resurrection or reincarnation, both speculative at best, driven more by hope than knowledge. We focus so much on our individuality that we lose sight of our person-hood, as members of humanity, and the fact that we are social creatures who only really derive meaning in life from our relationships with others, a fact that should be more apparent now in these days of mass self-isolation where the importance of our connections is brought to the fore. 

Even the wisdom of the ancients, from paganism to yoga and anything in between, are all drafted in to propagate the cult of the self. All point towards the improvement of the self, a becoming,...but becoming what? All change is a process, but a process is not necessarily an improvement. It strikes me that as individuals the only thing we are all undeniably becoming is rotten flesh in a casket, the very idea of becoming when married to the idea of the individual is doomed to failure, because it is founded on a delusion, it is to be married to a ghost.

Rather than becoming, and focusing on the individual, focusing on myself and MY path, perhaps it is better to simply observe the process of constant change. Increasingly my inclination is to just be, just exist with no special aim beyond the task before me. Birds sing, flowers open to the sun, the moon goes and returns in eternal cycles, this is True Will in action. As a biologist it is apparent to me that organic life is a constant cyclic dance, interacting with the minerals of the soil, the air around it, and all fueled ultimately by the sun or, in a very few cases, by the heat at the centre of the earth. In the Soto zen tradition the idea of becoming, linked to the idea of self, is seen as illusory, a fantasy that does nothing but compound our stuckness. The central practice of zen, meditation, is about sitting in quiet awareness as an expression of Buddha nature, not intent on becoming a Buddha, but simply existing. In Tai chi chuan the form in its intricate flowing movements is an expression of the Tao, Koichi Tohei taught that meditation is an expression of the universal mind, and the author of the Psalms writes: "Be still and see that I am God!"

This vision, that is no vision, since it reflects off of nothing, this voice that rings like the deepest silence. Light shines in darkness and the darkness does not comprehend, because the darkness is the 'individual', the ego and the mind which is opaque, not permeable to the light, and so does not comprehend it. The daily round of practice, meditation and mindfulness serve best now, like sinking into deep water, into sleep, like dying, "as an acid that eats steel, as a cancer that utterly corrupts the body, so am I unto the spirit of man!" Or, "And I said, Now have I begun: this is the change of the right hand of the most High". The rest is silence, and the eternal glimmer of distant stars.

Love is the law, love under will.

Outer Order Grades 6: Dominus Liminus

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

"Let any Philosophus be appointed a Dominus Liminus".

The status of the Dominus Liminus can be thought of as a sub-grade of the Philosophus. This is not quite accurate however, and in practice this grade bears more resemblance to the Probationer grade, or that of an 'Adept in waiting'. Not being officially assigned to a Sephirah, this grade resides in the region of the Tree of Life called Paroketh. The name of the grade translates as: Lord of the Threshold, and as such the Dominus Liminus is one who again waits at the door, but this time the door is that of the Inner Temple, that of the Rose Cross, as signified by the emblem he wears on his breast.

This grade is situated at the intersection of Peh and Samekh, and is essentially a grade of harmonisation. Having traversed the pillars of severity and mercy he returns to the middle pillar, since it is along this grade that real progress is made. There is no set time limit for advancement to the subsequent grade, which can occur at any time that authority confers it.  

The Dominus Liminus is encouraged to meditate deeply on the path. This is a grade of integration and of bringing to fruition the work carried out so far. In previous grades the aspirant has been assessed by his supervisor at the conclusion of each grade, but here things are different, the tests too critical, and he is instead assessed by Preamonstrator of the A.'.A.'.. I would like to say that assessment is by committee, in that the Dominus Liminus is recommended for advancement into the Order of the Rose Cross by his supervisor, there may or may not be some debate, but ultimately the final decision lies with the Preamonstrator, or else the senior active initiate.

The Dominus Liminus is expected at this point to take up an office in a temple of initiation, and to facilitate this he is issued a copy of Liber Mysteriorum which contains the Temple Initiations of the Outer College. This takes care of his memorisation task and will also help to integrate the essential keys of the outer college curriculum and give structure to his work, furthering his central task of harmonisation. He may well have served in the temple prior to this grade, and in particular a Philosophus may well have served the Order in this capacity, fulfilling the requirements for both grades.

Control of thoughts provides a complimentary exercise to the Yoga prevalent in this grade. Exactly how this is carried out depends on the aspirant who is left to himself in all things. One example might be to adopt separate personalities, and at a physical signal such as the wearing of a ring, adopt one or the other. This is a very difficult practice to maintain for long periods but can prove useful in highlighting where the personality is still dominant, veiling the Self.

The harmonising of knowledge is a difficult thing to assess. Really I would regard this as a work of synthesis. Previously in each grade the aspirant has worked in a specific manner and on particular subjects. The 1=10 concerned himself with ceremonial, hermetic science and all the paraphernalia and objects of occultism, the 2=9 became a Hatha Yogi and so on. The Dominus Liminus is not limited by this, and rather than being partial and deliberately focused on one area of attainment he instead finds his own natural balance where the four broad areas that he has worked on become synthesised into a single praxis according to his own nature. It is for this reason that Initiates of this grade or above may seem a little idiosyncratic in their approach, making them difficult to pin down. What is actually happening here is that the Dominus Liminus is maturing, gestating we might say, in his own silence and according to the inner prompting of the Angel which increasingly is his sole guide in these matters.

This brings us to, Lighting the magick Lamp. We read in Liber A:"This shall he accomplish secretly and apart, without asking the advice or approval of his Adeptus Minor." Refers not only to the practical but the inner requirements. The Dominus Liminus constructs his own lamp and places it within his own temple, where it burns without wick or oil, being fed by the Aethyr, which is to say, from this point he is left to his Angel and should refer ever more to that inner light. To facilitate this the practices of Raja Yoga again will play a key role.

He is expected to bring his Yoga to a higher standard still; Dharana leads naturally to Dhyana, subject and object while still distinct, are at the same time one. Pratyahara begins and consciousness is withdrawn from the senses by profound relaxation, and may well be facilitated by the practice of Mahasatipatthana learned in the 4=7 grade. Where this practice involves a separation of the senses, Pratyahara goes one step further and is removed from the senses. This is not to say unaware,  since consciousness continues, and with a though you can a return to full waking awareness. But within the practice itself is silence, the mind is turned inwards to the secret depths of ones being as if you were at the bottom of a well, something like the space on the edge of sleep, only controlled, balanced, liminal, a door between the worlds, only not the worlds of dream on the threshold of sleep, this is Paroketh, the threshold of Briah, the creative world. The Dominus Liminus will need this liminal space if he is to enter the next grade, since it is here that communication with the Holy Guardian Angel takes place, in silence, withdrawn from the world and even from oneself, where vision proceeds not from the light of the things of the subconscious, but of the Logos itself, the light of the Aethyr.

I recall this grade as a quiet time in my Outer College work. Where the previous grades had been full of activity, suddenly I was left with little to do except digest and reflect. Aside from the aforementioned tasks I worked on commentaries on the Holy Book chapters that I had memorised, and also continued to work on the adaptation of Liber Samekh that I had begun as a Practicus. The effect was not unlike that of a student who, having completed his finals now awaits the exam boards decision. There was also a regular sense of being questioned, almost interrogated by an unseen person or persons questioning my right to be where I was at the threshold, which is consonant with the statement in part 5 of the task of this grade "his mastery will be often disputed, though he knoweth it not".

The transition from this grade to the next was silent, almost imperceptible, as if at a given point my perspective changed of its own accord, the lamp lit as if by itself, and a light ascended to the darkness.

This brings to an end my brief exploration of the Outer Order Grades of the A.'.A.'., a work that covered just under four years of constant daily study and work. On the whole this exercise has been something of a recapitulation on my part, not unlike the work of synthesis carried out as a Dominus Liminus. While some of the ideas and images here may not chime with what others have written, and there is sure to be some disagreement, I hope that there might also be some common ground, and that this account might be of use to somebody considering the path or already on it.

Love is the law, love under will.