Who are the black brothers?

(Caveat: I will say here that I claim no grade. I had some experiences once, and some people affirmed some things that may or may not be true, and I seem to be at a stage in life that equates to a grade, but who doesn't? Such things are really just a convention, a way of talking about things rather than something absolute. I say what I say now only by way of opinion, not from any authority, so take it or leave it in that spirit)

Every system has it's fair share of boogeymen and heretics. Perhaps the most infamous in the Tree of Life system, is the Black Brother. This figure stands in stark warning to the unwary initiate, 'you must give all of your blood for the cup, to do otherwise is to be a Black Brother' (or sister). In theory at least, a Black Brother could be defined as a mature Adeptus Exemptus who refuses the final step, usually defined as the leap into the Abyss. Another way of putting it might be that he is somebody who, on completing his journey to Chesed, and perceiving that the last thing to do is to embrace that emptiness which is being/non-being, at One with the All, and thus None, but instead refuses and chooses instead a life of personal aggrandisement, indulgence, self ego stroking. 

It strikes me as incomprehensible, that a person on the threshold of liberation, should refuse it, and choose instead to continue in their old ways. It has the ring of St Augustine's prayer:

"Oh lord, make me pure, but not yet!" 

Such a person has we suppose, had a glimpse of that infinite emptiness/fullness, and chosen instead to ignore it and instead amuse themselves building sand castles on the edge of the eternal ocean. However, my sense is that if a person has really, for an instant, caught an authentic glimpse of that eternity, they would not, could not, refuse. In fact, I doubt very much whether it would either be a choice, once you've seen it you're done, if you think you have a choice you aren't really there. It would be like a suffocating man refusing to take a breath, a fish refusing to swim. The moment you perceive it you know in your bones, you are that.

There are of course those who get a glimpse of something and freak out, reporting de-personalization, a sense of not existing, as sometimes happens in intense meditation retreats I am told, although I feel that such people are unusual and usually unstable, they don't stay in that state but make all effort to get back to their ordinary consciousness. An example I came across recently was a woman on YouTube talking about non-duality, and her body language and the way she spoke of her experience looked to me more like a mental break than enlightenment, but then what do I know?

We are told that in earlier grades and stages, the Black Brother cannot exist, since by definition such a person has not yet confronted emptiness. By this I don't mean intellectual assent in the concept, which is generally garnered much much earlier in the path, but actual direct apprehension. Once you have directly perceived a thing you cannot then un-know it, though you can of course be in denial.

It is also fashionable to label as Black Brother any aspirant/initiate who's personal views you dislike. There are of course liars, deceivers, egomaniacs abounding in the occult and religious spheres, all looking for a following, ready to tell a story to make themselves look good. We might be tempted to label such as Black Brothers, but my feeling is that they cannot be such, because if they even once perceived that emptiness, everything else would fade into insignificance. If you directly perceive truth even once it is like a breeze blowing into a dusty room, dispelling the cobwebs of the mind.

It is thus you can know that those who tick all the boxes for insincerity, egomania, and the rest are not in fact Black Brothers, but are of a much lower order. If I were to grade them I would say failed Practici, since truthfulness and integrity are central to that grade, so they are in fact no higher than Yesod, the Sphere of delusion. The Universe is based on truth, and if we are to be in harmony with it, then we must also base our lives on truth, not simply the inclination to not tell lies, but that essential integrity of nature  that is antithetical with falseness, with delusion, glamour and contradiction.

In the Inner Order Grades, one does not advance oneself. You don't fulfill a set of exams and move on to the next grade. Grades are not formal, but real, one cannot help but live in accordance with your inner truth, which is your real 'grade'. 

Grades are not bestowed from without either, another person might recognise you as this or that grade, but they cannot confirm it nor do they need it, anymore than a dog needs confirmation that it is in fact a dog. These grades are only recognitions of ones state of being. 5=6 appreciates his Karma (True Will) as the trajectory and nature of his life it is obvious when he sees it. 6=5 learns to live in accordance with it and gradually removes impediments to that nature (usually self imposed), and a 7=4 having become 'exempt' from Karma by having reduced internal contradictions to a level where they no longer thwart the overall trajectory of life, is in a position to teach, and must therefore write his thesis. It is by virtue of momentum (affinity with the dharma we might say), that he quite naturally merges into emptiness. No need to fling oneself or do violence to oneself or the universe in general.

The 7=4 who does not merge with emptiness naturally like this, was never really a 7=4. It isn't a choice, it is a destiny. Just as a caterpillar is destined to become a butterfly because it is its nature. If such a person, willfully (small w) tries to cross the 'abyss', it shows only that they are deluded about it, are 7=4 in name only. Such a person will not become a Black Brother because they by definition have not seen emptiness, even in a dream, and thus haven't turned back from anything. You have to know what you are giving up, to truly give it up. To 'give something up' implies duality, and if you have really perceived and known your own emptiness there is nothing to give up anyway.

So who are the Black Brothers? The very concept is a contradiction. There are those who directly perceive emptiness and embrace it, whom I suspect we never hear from, who possibly don't give a damn about it. And there are the rest of us in our ignorance, chips on our shoulders, planks in our eyes, perhaps contemplating emptiness but not really perceiving it. We like the idea of the Abyss, of Emptiness, but to us it is only a word, an idea, and where there are ideas there is no emptiness, we lose it the moment we conceptualize it.

Thus we are generally so far beneath this idea of the Abyss, even though were were to see it even for a moment we would be instantly across, yet while it might be closer than an arms length, it might as well be a universe away. To call somebody a Black Brother because you don't like their opinions, their politics, their dress sense, ignores the basic fact that such a person has most likely never even come close to truth, even in a dream, and so can't in fact be defined as a Black Brother. 

Who are the Black Brothers? 

They don't exist.

Memorising the holy books

 The practice of memorising chapters of the Holy books for A.'.A.'. students is one of the basic tasks of the grades. It is also, apparently one of those that seems to take the longest. I know that some instructors don't require this task, viewing it as time wasted on Crowley's bad poetry that could be more profitably employed elsewhere. 

I understand this attitude, I'm not a fan of them either, though I suppose I once was. As I've gotten older, what initially I took for a high style rich in references to the classics and various abstract concepts (they are in there) now strikes me as turgid, ponderous, pompous even, and a lot of it, especially the Book of the Law sets forth a philosophical system which, while some aspects bear up to observation, seems inherently flawed, and no matter how they are explained away many verses still give the impression of a sort of spiritual fascism of 'might makes right', a worm at the core of Thelema that I utterly reject. I don't want to go into that too deeply, but you only have to take the text for face value, with it's inherent spiritual aristocracy and trampling of anyone weaker than yourself it advocates, a sort of spiritual darwinism, let alone the sort of people who head the most visible Thelemic orders, to see.

However, despite my misgivings, I still advocate the memorising of the Holy Books in their respective grades. My reason is simple, I found in my own practice, that the memorisation tasks were a thread that ran through the whole grade work and strung it all together. When I was a Probationer I was working part time as a cleaner in my college, I would get up early in the mornings and spend two hours a day cleaning toilets, mopping floors and the rest. I kept a copy of Liber 65 in my pocket and whilst working, I would recite from memory verse by verse, over and over, checking from time to time and systematically adding a verse when I had memorised adequately. 

The task as I have said, strings the grade work together. It also discourages the casuals. I know of no initiate who has completed the grade work who hasn't also memorised their chapter, and those who have come to be tested before they were ready invariably had also not completed this task. But it really is that level of dedication to daily consistent practice that is necessary for anything worthwhile to come out of being an initiate. To put it simply, the act of going through the practices, literally forges you into that sort of person, develops the will, the consistency, and the self discipline that are necessary not just for the A.'.A.'., but for life in general. 

While I have my reservations, I have no alternative but to retain Crowley's Holy Books on the syllabus, though it's not my syllabus to change and since I no longer teach it, this makes no difference. My practice these days is with the Heart Sutra, and I have to admit that is going slowly, I am not as consistent as I could be, but then I am not trying to get anything out of it, no grade to attain, no goal, so I take a leisurely approach. However, I know full well from my time learning the Holy Books, that were I required to do so I could probably have it memorised, in chinese, within a year. That is what you get out of the tasks, and no initiate of the A.'.A.'., in my opinion, should neglect this task of the benefits to be gained from it. 

 

Dropping the ball

At the outset I should be clear. This post isn't an attack on Crowley or his followers. It is really just an expression of my disentangling myself from a system and way of thought that I invested a great deal of time an energy into, yet in the end feel obliged, for the sake of self-honesty, to view with a sense of skepticism, perhaps even disillusionment.

Perhaps I'm bitter. Perhaps I'm also grieving a little for the ending of a mode of life that I embraced for a long time. I am certainly processing something, so bear with me.

This is just how things look where I am right now, not some universal truth....

Reading through various texts like Liber E, eight lectures on yoga, the Vision and the Voice, etc, that describe Aleister Crowley’s magickal and mystical attainments, you might get the impression that here is a master of the arts who has had the sort of experiences and attainments that most of us can only dream of. The style of writing and the descriptions of experience, as well as his suggestions and ideas on the theory of yoga/meditation and the rest sounds legitimate from our perspective as inexperienced aspirants and interested outsiders. These visions and attainments led Crowley to believe that he was a Master of the Temple, one who had overcome the ego, and thus truly selfless. More than that, in his mind he was the Magus, the speaker of the Holy Logos which would guide humanity through the next Aeon of its existence. He was in his own mind, in short, the new 'World Teacher'.

I have to admit that I swallowed this, hook line and sinker for a long time when I was starting out, and maintained it (I shudder to admit) through force of will rather than any deep conviction, I was too invested to just let go. Like a lot of keen A\A\ aspirants I subconsciously measured myself against Crowley, thinking that I needed to get this or that kind of experience at a given grade. To be fair, a lot of what he describes seems to be accurate as far as it goes. If you sit still long enough, you will start to feel disembodied. If you concentrate on a point for long enough, you start to lose all sense of time and space. The steps of Dhyana and Samadhi, that Crowley holds up as key stages in his system, seem unobtainable until you see what they are, and when you see them, they can be entered into in a moment’s notice (caveat: and lost again just as quickly).

Now, I might possibly get some hackles up, but then you can't say much these days without angering somebody, and the alternative is to not speak at all.

(Opinion alert!)

Crowley was a consummate writer with an extremely vivid imagination, a sharp intellect, and a keen awareness of both facts. He could conjure up visions in his writing that enthrall the mind of the reader, as they did my younger self. Just so, the visions themselves seem to have enthralled Crowley, giving him the impression that he had obtained great heights of initiation. These days though I can’t help but regard the whole thing as one big makkyo. Crowley could be regarded as his own worst critic, and having no teacher except in the very early days he was of course free to interpret his visions and experiences just as he pleased. If he wanted to proclaim himself world teacher, then who was to gainsay him?

My sense is that, had Crowley had a good teacher, he would have regularly been taken down a peg or two, if he would have had the humility to put up with that, which is questionable. You tell a well trained meditation teacher of your visions of oneness with the universe, experiences of universal love, or intimations of world teachership, you are likely to be told, “go back to your cushion, sit down and shut up”.

My sense now, having had, or approximated most of the sorts of experiences Crowley described, realised they are mostly products of my ego and imagination, having realised that having these experiences hasn’t benefitted either me or the world at large, is that I am still a complete beginner. I came out of them much as I went in, having 'tried on new hats', but little more. It wasn't easy to come to terms with the fact but there is is, but I am not alone. Crowley, for all of his visions and claims to attainment, never seemed to overcome his basic programming, nor did he really want to I suspect. He wrote in his 40’s and 50’s and into old age, much as he had in his teens and 20’s when he was starting out. He did seem to mellow, was kinder to students, as his letters to various people suggest, and to me this is a much higher attainment than any of the visions and initiations.

So, I’m not saying Crowley knew nothing, he seems to have figured something out in his way, perhaps arrived at a sort of peace with things as he grew older. It is difficult to say, though we have his later writings so we can gauge his overall outlook, though he never really let go of the visions and attainments, and there is the occasional hint of irony later, I suspect he had an inkling that it was all a mirage, but he never came out and said that.

We often hear of the beginner student who, having their first vision thinks they have cracked it, only to be disabused by their teacher. I feel that, had Crowley had this, instead of the praise of Jones and the adoration of his groupies and followers, might have actually broken out and begun to progress in the practice of meditation. Instead, he had his ego stroked, told himself he was this and that grade, and halted all real progress.

Did he produce a useful system in the A\A\? Yes, it has it’s uses if you apply yourself with full commitment. There seems to be an element of truth to the idea that even if the teacher is bad, if the student is sincere then good results can follow. But the idea of using Crowley’s  experience as any sort of standard of progress makes little sense to me now. You can learn all sorts of magickal techniques, acquire a good dose of occult knowledge on a range of subjects, so the system has value, but in terms of attainments themselves, but it's really not much more than a set of mental gymnastics to go through the various exercises and rituals. It is I feel, the dedication of the student to long-term and sincere practice that makes the difference, not the system itself. And therein lies its real value, in that it gives the student something to hold on to, but in itself doesn’t have any particular power or significance. 

Crowley was in my mind at least, as much a beginner as me, and if the blind lead the blind….

Aside from all of that, the attitude to others inherent in the Book of the Law has begun to leave a bad taste in my mouth. You can read almost anywhere in Crowley's writings a sense of aristocracy. Amusing that the son of a brewer should have such leanings, the sort of aspirational snobbery that makes a person aspire to the upper classes. It is no secret that he was a tory, and this basic world view comes out in his writings in places too numerous to cite. But the book of the law has numerous lines on stamping down the weak, the dogs, the sub-humans who don't accept his law. He is clear that anybody who doesn't accept the Book of the Law is a troglodyte.

I'm not sure if there was a time when I felt like this. For me, being a Thelemite was a useful maneuver in that it taught self-reliance, focus, and a can do attitude, so it had its uses, but more and more the less palatable aspects seem more pronounced as my own life experience leads me to fell less like an 'individual' and more like just another person, less need to distinguish myself and more a sense of being part of the whole of my species, and the universe as a whole. I do think AC had intimations of this state, but they are I feel overshadowed with the lower parts of his nature and his inherent classism and snobbery come to the fore in my mind, and my sense is that he got a glimpse of that universality, but it never really did him much good. 

So, what of the A\A\? What of the lineage I joined and passed through?

Once you have used it to climb a wall, a ladder is of no further use to you. But you owe it to the next person to leave it there, so they too can climb and see what you see, should that be their will. Decrying ladders alone doesn't help when there is still the perception of their necessity. But once you realise that there is no wall to climb ladders are seen as superfluous, something extra.

I was heavily invested in the A\A\, it was central to my life for over a decade, which is probably why I still talk about it a lot. I understand that others will come and want to try it out, will insist, as I did, on going through the system grade by grade exactly as written. I commend their commitment as having value in itself, even as I feel that there are much easier ways. I have only the smallest online presence, I don’t attract students. I know those who do, and who still teach the system, so my policy is to not interfere. But this blog is my space, so I can speak my mind. Nobody is obliged to agree.

At different stages in life people need different things. 15 years ago I needed Thelema, needed something to grasp, a ladder to climb, and any discipline is a good discipline. Now it doesn’t suit my outlook or match my experience in the world (but that is another post). There was a time I needed the A\A\ system, tried with all my might to get accepted by a teacher in that system, and when accepted I approached it single-mindedly, only for it to gradually fall away years later as I started to see things differently. But I recognise that this is just my path, my outlook, not that of another. So, I suppose I write this not to discourage others, but to record my own experience. And the understanding, in hindsight, that joining Crowley’s Order, embarking on the Great Work, was the spiritual equivalent of taking a fairground ride. Fun while they last, but the teacups only go in a prescribed circle and produce temporary giddiness. We can't play games forever.