On Listening and Responsiveness

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The initial work of aspiration is by it's nature positive, active, and to an extent this activity continues throughout the life of an aspirant. The work consists of setting up and sticking to a discipline (Pertinax meant 'stick to it'). Persistence is key, and there is an aim in mind that keeps the aspirant on the path, a goal which s/he may only be vaguely aware, but which can be discerned like a star on a misty night. This is the 'fish-hook' that draws the student onwards and upwards. However this doesn't last forever. There is a saying in the book of lies, the aspirants of A.'.A.'. are men, the Brothers of the A.'.A.'. are women. That is to say, aspirants must exercise virtue (qualities of manhood, from the Latin Virtus), that is strength, self-discipline, rigour and determination, all positive traits. But once a fulcrum point is attained it is less a case of actively working towards achieving something, and more one of responsive sensitivity, listening, watching and responding appropriately.

At some point the path ceases to be an act of will and instead becomes habit, which leads to momentum, faster and faster we fall....momentum builds up, but by this time there is no longer a path in the linear sense, only the next step, and the next step. "Always, we begin again", in the words of St. Benedict.

At that point, the Angel takes over and begins to issue instructions. This is of course only a way of speaking, but it fits the perceived experience. Like a soldier trained by years of discipline, when the order comes the aspirant, now initiate, responds. The soldier charges the machine gun nest without hesitation or question. In fact the whole work of the initiate becomes one of responsiveness to the instruction of the Angel. As Frater Saturnus put it, Perinde ac cadaver, in the manner of a corpse, total submission of the aspirant to the Angel. When the order comes there can be no questioning, only acquiescence, and you may find yourself doing things that would previously have been unthinkable, for no other reason than you are compelled to do so. This is the real meaning of martyrdom, not the mawkish throwing away of one's life in a futile gesture, but a deliberate act of putting oneself on the line. It is also the acceptance of the most fundamental reality of ones being, this is not just what you are doing, this is what you are. Birds sing, the sun shines, trees raise their branches to heaven, and the initiate does whatever he does, as the angel of his angel, so to speak. This need not be particularly exciting, and in fact is more often than not perfectly unremarkable. Most of us are not called to do great things in the world of men, to be world changers, movers and shakers. As Crowley points out, Magick is for the shop girl and the butcher, for Joe Blogs. There is a heroism in ordinariness, in the day to day adjustments and small tasks which go towards the work of the adept, who is an adept precisely because of this basic humility, the ability to be himself, without thrills or ruffles.

After this there is no more work, only life itself with its daily round of prayer, meditation, work to keep body and soul together and pay the rent, and whatever ancillary tasks may be to hand. The 'path'  begins to be apparent in all its simplicity, the 'true will' becomes totally ordinary, a living reality rather than a matter of a far off aspiration, a daydream cooked up in the idle mind, something that requires divine help to obtain or else a fond fantasy, but simply daily life, one foot in front of the other. But daily life sanctified by experience and knowledge.

As the zen saying goes, before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water, after enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.

Love is the law, love under will.

An insiders view on aspirants

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The A.'.A.'. can seem rather opaque from the outside. There is an inherent power imbalance that new aspirants have to face when dealing with potential instructors or when signing up to the path with a lineage. This can be both intimidating and off-putting. Since we of the A.'.A.'. are supposed to be set against the mystery mongers, I though that it might be of interest to see how things appear from the inside.

I don't take on students myself these days. That is to say, they rarely cross my path, and since I don't frequent group meetings and don't even live in a country where there are more than a few dozen Thelemites that I know of, I am hardly in a position to do so even if I wanted to. Nonetheless, I have spent a few years at the coal face and have seen a few students come and go, so I do have a little bit of experience to impart.

Since being made Neophyte I have had a handful of students pass through. Only one stuck with the path and he is pretty much independent. We are occasional drinking buddies and I certainly don't consider myself to be his 'teacher'. Most students barely got off the ground, withdrawing while still Probationers. Usually life gets in the way, they cannot find time for the work, this is the first ordeal and one that I almost failed myself. The transition from outside to inside, as it were, requires a radical shift of focus which many are just not in a position to make. On reflection this inversion is really essential in an aspirant. We simply cannot make progress if we are still hooked on exterior things to the exclusion of interior things. This change is revolutionary, and is something that very few people are really prepared for.

Sometimes a promising student will suddenly withdraw. Others are unable to settle down to the grade work, keep shifting about, changing tactics, blaming external factors, blaming their supervisor or the strictures of the Order, and in other ways fidgeting, before finally giving up altogether. As in Asana so in life. The inability to focus and settle down to a discipline can be fatal to ambition.

I freely admit that I am saddened when students leave. When a student withdraws it is natural to wonder what happened, to blame oneself, to wonder if you could have helped them continue. A real sense of failure can kick in since each student resignation represents to some extent a failure to connect adequately with another human being, a failure to help a student overcome a barrier to success. Given the nature of the relationship, the reading of diaries and the assessments, as well as the presiding over initiation ceremonies a certain amount of responsibility is involved, although in reality each is an adult and responsible for their own choices. It may be this relationship itself that puts people off, and in a way I don't blame them, if the instructor is authoritarian or otherwise controlling.

There is also a type who are looking to be attached to a big name within the Thelemic community, and realising that the lineage that we serve is small and inobtrusive, will begin to feel that they would be better off with another group. My instructor referred to this as gangland mentality, in that it is more about the association than the work itself. It's not real unless they guy at the top of the tree has published a book or two. My feeling is that rather than independent aspirants, this type really does feel the need for a guru in order to feel validated. 

Sometimes it is the apparent rigour of the path that seems to puts people off. The thought of endless work, day in day out, potentially forever. This I feel is what comes from growing up in a society where everything is for sale, we want results within as short a time frame as possible and the idea of years of yoga and ceremony is just too much to think about. They want results, not realising that the practice itself is the whole point. The path is endless, and only stops when you are dead.

Simple laziness can also be a problem. This can also manifest in students expecting to be advanced to higher grades despite not having done the work required to get there. I wonder if people simply regard the A.'.A.'. as a sort of game where everybody gets a prize just for participating. Such students get a rude awakening when they are told that they cannot advance because they are still to carry out basic tasks such as writing a diary.

Twice in my experience students have been removed for what I would describe as conduct unbecoming of aspirants. This is particularly painful and difficult to deal with but I feel it best to remove troublesome students early, before they get a foot in the door. A single drop of vinegar can spoil the whole barrel.

On the other hand, successful students are usually independent from the start and require little teaching, perhaps merely conversation as a sounding board. Such students need no guru, and need no external validation, being self-sufficient both emotionally and spiritually. For me this is the ideal because a guru I most definitely am not. I would far rather an aspirant 'cut his own way through the jungle' than rely on my often flawed advice, coming to me only when specific tasks are completed, for verification purposes. This is in reality all I feel qualified to do. I am no teacher, I can only pass on what has been useful to me and ensure that the original benchmarks of each grade are met.

All this has taught me some valuable lessons over the years. One is not to expect too much from aspirants. The majority will remove themselves as soon as things get a bit tricky in terms of rebalancing life with the Great Work as its focus. Because lets face it, for the most part family and friends will not understand, it's easier to pretend not to be an aspirant than to face the awkward questions. I've been there, I know exactly what that ordeal is like, but with a little perseverance it can be overcome.

It has taught me compassion, that most Thelemic of vices. We are all human after all. Sometimes teachers misjudge, sometimes students misunderstand or have unrealistic expectations of their instructor that cannot be met. Frictions will arise from time to time, and only humility and maturity  on both sides will help either party navigate such issues. Sometimes student really don't understand the nature of the work and so misinterpret the word of their supervisors or have unrealistic expectations.

It has taught me to remain detached, tread lightly and be aware that often less is more when it comes to dealing with students. My own instructor, who has been on the path since the 1960's, rarely contacts me. He lets me get on with it and I contact him if anything changes or if there are any new developments. I try to emulate this, refrain from judgement and simply let students get on with it.

Love is the law, love under will.

Pertinax

Daily practice

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

I'm sure that anybody who has set out on any sort of spiritual path has had the fun of establishing a daily regimen of practice, and has therefore also probably gone through various iterations of that practice. Over the years my own has changed and developed, sometimes it has adapted with the grade work I was engaged in, other times as a matter of convenience or mood. I thought that this morning I would share some of my experiences of daily practice and how it has adapted and changed at various stages of my life.

I started out when I was about 13 (back in the early 1990's), with neo-pagan practices. I was for a few years very much into Wicca and Druidry, with a side-order of Tarot and Qaballah. The gods and spirits of nature were my inspiration, and still are to a great extent. However at that stage it was mainly about acquiring knowledge, so I read a lot, wrote in a 'book of shadows', learned simple rituals and practiced them, either in my bedroom or out in the woods, usually in the very early morning. I kept the pagan sabbats, the wheel of the year meant a lot to me, and still does to this day. But practice was informal and very much as I felt like it, I was eclectic in my tastes and somewhat disorganised.

When I discovered Crowley a year or two later at about 15, I read book 4, the book of lies and 777, and I tried to formalise it a bit more. Back in those days the Order was difficult to contact, so I operated alone, learned the LBRP etc, practiced them and spent time summoning deamons and spirits and engaged in the darker side of things, what we might call the left hand path, essentially a search for adventure and personal power. Again it was an ad-hoc affair but I learned a lot. I learned Tarot and with it the correspondences which are the building blocks of the tree of life. I guess this was my true 'neophyte period', on the inner plains at least. I did a lot of astral/etheric work, got burned a few times, and learned a lot from it all.

After that I had to work for a living, physical labour mainly. I also discovered martial arts, tai chi, the Japanese sword. I became very practically oriented, a good antidote for too much astral work and exactly what I needed. Daily practice revolved around the cutting exercised and forms of my chosen arts, under the tutelage of a teacher this time who was very practical minded but was also well aware of the spiritual dimension of the martial arts. He remains to this day a good friend and mentor and is ever ready to bring me down to earth with a crash should I need it.

When I formally joined the A.'.A.'. as a Probationer in 2010 I had been trying to contact the Holy Order for several years, so by that time already had much of the theory under my belt, I knew the syllabus inside out, so was in a good position to know where to start. There were of course ordeals, but that's a different topic. As for practice, it was proscriptive on my part, LBRP, Liber Resh, Liber O, daily asana and pranayama. My intention being to really nail down these fundamentals. This carried on through the outer college grades alongside training in martial arts. In fact the martial arts training contributed significantly to my Zelator work, since my chosen martial art has at it's heart Raja Yoga, which was brought to Japan by Tempu Nakamura and incorporated into Ki-Aikido. I would highly recommend this particular style to any Thelemite interested in Japanese martial arts for that reason. 

Memorising the Holy books took more work. I used to carry around a paper copy of Liber 65 while I was at work. I was at college and cleaning in the early mornings, so I would recite passages of my chapter whilst scrubbing toilets and sinks. Later, Liber VII would be my companion on long walks in the countryside and mountains when I was at university. Liber CCXX was much easier and the other memorisation tasks being relatively short didn't take that long. The trick is daily, consistent practice and recitation.

These days daily practice consists of daily readings, several times a day; first in the pre-dawn darkness, then at dawn and again just before work. If I have time I will read during the daytime but will always engage again at sunset and once more before bed. Meditation, pranayama and asana are practiced in the very early mornings, along with the forms and practices of Ki-Aikido and Yangs long form Tai chi. I usually read before bed, or perhaps do some short meditation. I do very little 'magic', I have no use for it at the moment.

Over the years these things have become instinctive, it is as simple as breathing. It actually helps me to settle in when I move around, which I still do frequently, if I can quickly re-engage with some sort of practice. It centres me, so wherever I happen to be, there I am, at the centre of my universe. The practice is both formal and instinctive. This didn't happen over night, but now it is established it has it's own momentum. The result is an inward focus that turns naturally towards God, as I am now happy to call him (again, that's another topic, perhaps to be discussed another time, but if you don't like the 'G' word you can insert Adonai, Hadit, HGA, or whatever, it makes no difference).

The rest is simple attentiveness, stillness of the surface of the water that "reflects the moon and a flying bird", that is to say, can distinguish between the two, a trait that begins to emerge at the grade of Practicus, and given purpose through the devotion learned as a Philosophus. This inner stillness, silence, receptiveness, even in apparent darkness, is the core of it. The words of Leonard Cohen in his song 'you want it darker', taken from the Torah: "Hineni"  (הנני)  , "Here I am", "Send me!", express this perfectly, a willingness to do the Will of the Angel, which is at this point recognised as my own 'True Will'.

Love is the law, love under will.

Self Introduction

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

As you may have guessed from the greeting at the head of this post I am an aspirant to the A.'.A.'., and have been for nearly ten years now. That label doesn't really cover it, not any more, you could say that Thelema was a good starting point, and I have of course been heavily influenced by Crowley, but it's really not as simple as that, as is probably not uncommon.

I am a member of a small A.'.A.'. lineage operating primarily out of the UK, known as A.'.A.'. in Albion. Their website can be found here: https://ordoaa.wixsite.com/ordoastronargon, though there are also initiates in the U.S. and of course myself, here in Japan.

There is little information about this lineage online except for the website and an accompanying page on a well known social media platform. Of those that I have met, its members tend to be quiet, idiosyncratic types who join largely to be able to get on with the work without engaging in political controversies that abound in Thelemic online spaces. The lineage has limited visibility and a small membership, and derives from two distinct lines of descent. All of this is written about in detail on the aforementioned web page.

A little about me: I am a 39 year old male, I am an environmental scientist by training but am currently teaching English for a living while studying Shinshin-tōitsu (Ki) Aikido in my free time. I speak Japanese and like real ale, traditional music and foraging for wild mushrooms and other edible plants. I also practice Yang style Tai chi chuan.

As an Initiate I am more mystically inclined, Ki Aikido is closely interlinked with Raja Yoga so this forms the basis of my practice and has done for the last decade. I also have a tendency towards monastic discipline and like to get up very early in the mornings to meditate and read. Other areas of interest are Buddhism, Taoism, Mystical Christianity, the rule of St Benedict, Ancient world religions from the Roman Mithraic cults to the Chaldean Oracles, Sumerian traditions, Babylon and the early Solar and Lunar cults and antediluvian mythology from Genesis and the Book of Enoch.

I will probably write things specifically concerning the A.'.A.'. from time to time, including the tree of life and Thelemic doctrine and dogma....yes, such a thing exists. Alongside observations about the path as lived by me and those few aspirants that I come into contact with. I will probably also delve into other areas of interest as time and inclination allow.

Love is the law, love under will.

Pertinax