The A.'.A.'. can seem rather opaque from the outside. There is an inherent power imbalance that new aspirants have to face when dealing with potential instructors or when signing up to the path with a lineage. This can be both intimidating and off-putting. Since we of the A.'.A.'. are supposed to be set against the mystery mongers, I though that it might be of interest to see how things appear from the inside.
I don't take on students myself these days. That is to say, they rarely cross my path, and since I don't frequent group meetings and don't even live in a country where there are more than a few dozen Thelemites that I know of, I am hardly in a position to do so even if I wanted to. Nonetheless, I have spent a few years at the coal face and have seen a few students come and go, so I do have a little bit of experience to impart.
Since being made Neophyte I have had a handful of students pass through. Only one stuck with the path and he is pretty much independent. We are occasional drinking buddies and I certainly don't consider myself to be his 'teacher'. Most students barely got off the ground, withdrawing while still Probationers. Usually life gets in the way, they cannot find time for the work, this is the first ordeal and one that I almost failed myself. The transition from outside to inside, as it were, requires a radical shift of focus which many are just not in a position to make. On reflection this inversion is really essential in an aspirant. We simply cannot make progress if we are still hooked on exterior things to the exclusion of interior things. This change is revolutionary, and is something that very few people are really prepared for.
Sometimes a promising student will suddenly withdraw. Others are unable to settle down to the grade work, keep shifting about, changing tactics, blaming external factors, blaming their supervisor or the strictures of the Order, and in other ways fidgeting, before finally giving up altogether. As in Asana so in life. The inability to focus and settle down to a discipline can be fatal to ambition.
I freely admit that I am saddened when students leave. When a student withdraws it is natural to wonder what happened, to blame oneself, to wonder if you could have helped them continue. A real sense of failure can kick in since each student resignation represents to some extent a failure to connect adequately with another human being, a failure to help a student overcome a barrier to success. Given the nature of the relationship, the reading of diaries and the assessments, as well as the presiding over initiation ceremonies a certain amount of responsibility is involved, although in reality each is an adult and responsible for their own choices. It may be this relationship itself that puts people off, and in a way I don't blame them, if the instructor is authoritarian or otherwise controlling.
There is also a type who are looking to be attached to a big name within the Thelemic community, and realising that the lineage that we serve is small and inobtrusive, will begin to feel that they would be better off with another group. My instructor referred to this as gangland mentality, in that it is more about the association than the work itself. It's not real unless they guy at the top of the tree has published a book or two. My feeling is that rather than independent aspirants, this type really does feel the need for a guru in order to feel validated.
Sometimes it is the apparent rigour of the path that seems to puts people off. The thought of endless work, day in day out, potentially forever. This I feel is what comes from growing up in a society where everything is for sale, we want results within as short a time frame as possible and the idea of years of yoga and ceremony is just too much to think about. They want results, not realising that the practice itself is the whole point. The path is endless, and only stops when you are dead.
Simple laziness can also be a problem. This can also manifest in students expecting to be advanced to higher grades despite not having done the work required to get there. I wonder if people simply regard the A.'.A.'. as a sort of game where everybody gets a prize just for participating. Such students get a rude awakening when they are told that they cannot advance because they are still to carry out basic tasks such as writing a diary.
Twice in my experience students have been removed for what I would describe as conduct unbecoming of aspirants. This is particularly painful and difficult to deal with but I feel it best to remove troublesome students early, before they get a foot in the door. A single drop of vinegar can spoil the whole barrel.
On the other hand, successful students are usually independent from the start and require little teaching, perhaps merely conversation as a sounding board. Such students need no guru, and need no external validation, being self-sufficient both emotionally and spiritually. For me this is the ideal because a guru I most definitely am not. I would far rather an aspirant 'cut his own way through the jungle' than rely on my often flawed advice, coming to me only when specific tasks are completed, for verification purposes. This is in reality all I feel qualified to do. I am no teacher, I can only pass on what has been useful to me and ensure that the original benchmarks of each grade are met.
All this has taught me some valuable lessons over the years. One is not to expect too much from aspirants. The majority will remove themselves as soon as things get a bit tricky in terms of rebalancing life with the Great Work as its focus. Because lets face it, for the most part family and friends will not understand, it's easier to pretend not to be an aspirant than to face the awkward questions. I've been there, I know exactly what that ordeal is like, but with a little perseverance it can be overcome.
It has taught me compassion, that most Thelemic of vices. We are all human after all. Sometimes teachers misjudge, sometimes students misunderstand or have unrealistic expectations of their instructor that cannot be met. Frictions will arise from time to time, and only humility and maturity on both sides will help either party navigate such issues. Sometimes student really don't understand the nature of the work and so misinterpret the word of their supervisors or have unrealistic expectations.
It has taught me to remain detached, tread lightly and be aware that often less is more when it comes to dealing with students. My own instructor, who has been on the path since the 1960's, rarely contacts me. He lets me get on with it and I contact him if anything changes or if there are any new developments. I try to emulate this, refrain from judgement and simply let students get on with it.
Love is the law, love under will.
Pertinax
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