Followers

Wednesday, 16 June 2021

Do I believe in god(s), angels, spirits, demons and the rest?

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

This is a question that I have asked myself a few times over the years, and which I think is probably pertinent given my involvement with mystical and magical systems in general. It is not easy to answer definitively, so I will try to clarify it as much as I can.

Firstly, definitions are important. If a person asks me, yes or no, whether I believe in God, then to avoid complications I would probably reply, yes. However, this needs some qualification. What does 'God' mean, and what do I mean by believe. God to me is not some beard in the sky, a sort of discorporate father figure that I can ask favours of and beg forgiveness of sins. If praying worked, the world would be a very different place, so we can be quite certain that God doesn't answer prayers, at least in the sense that is commonly understood and taught in Sunday school. No. To me, God is the ground of being, the fundamental suchness of the universe, the basic energy of life itself. Liber legis calls it Hadit, and this describes it pretty well, but essentially God is unknowable. God is the silence between notes, the space between words, the eternal and imminent moment between one breath and the next. God doesn't answer prayers because God is prayer, and the person praying. Gods answer to prayers is in the prayer itself.

But a separate being that makes for holiness? I see no reason to even consider that possibility. The God of the ancient Hebrews, Yahweh, I regard as a form of local deity, elevated to master of the universe status by his worshippers, but essentially a Semitic tribal totem no different from Baal, Astaroth, or any of the other dozens of tribal totems running around the middle-east at that time and mentioned in the Old Testament as rival deities.

So, why even call it God? Cultural conditioning I suppose. In the right company using that designation is natural enough and people understand what is meant. But there is room for confusion, and of course those who reject the term might not like it, but that's not my problem. Besides, in the introductory lection we are advised about this in no uncertain terms, so it should, we would hope, be second nature to an initiate: 

"Should therefore the candidate hear the name of any God, let him not rashly assume that it refers to any known God, save only the God known to himself. Or should the ritual speak in terms (however vague) which seem to imply Egyptian, Taoist, Buddhist, Indian, Persian, Greek, Judaic, Christian, or Moslem philosophy, let him reflect that this is a defect of language; the literary limitation and not the spiritual prejudice of the man P."

As for gods, demons, spirits, angels and the rest. I have had my fair share of dealings with gods over the years, but it was always with constructs of the mind, overlays onto reality, images deliberately given to forces, real or imaginary, but with no sense of a separate identity. The same goes for demons, angels and spirits to varying degrees. So no, I don't believe that they have any objective reality. They are however useful ways of interfacing with reality at different levels. For example my work with Liber Astarte was with the goddess Persephone. This was a rather interesting time in which I was able to see things from the perspective of cyclic birth and death, using the early agricultural symbolism and highlighting mans reliance as a species on the annual rhythms of the world, and the sense that we come out of the world, not into it. I have also had experiences that I might describe as demonic, soul sucking things that can attach themselves to a person in the lower astral. Whether these are just negative thought forms, symptoms of a diseased mind, or literal astral scavengers and bottom feeders. They frequently took on the form of walking corpses, thin, hungry things, or occasionally black angry things, aggressive and threatening, thereby matching traditional descriptions of such things. 

The last time I saw one of these was on the night I arrived at my regiment when I was serving in the army. Nobody had told them I was coming, so I arrived at the guard room and was redirected to the barracks where I was given a place to sleep in a spare room. I deployed my roll mat and sleeping bag on the floor and that night settled in to sleep. In the early hours of the morning I awoke to see a black silhouette in the doorway in a threatening posture. It practically buzzed with aggression and I knew it to be non-human right away. I had to meet the regimental sergeant major in the morning and was annoyed at being awoken, I sat up and said, "F off, I'm trying to sleep", and promptly lay back down. I've not seen anything of the sort since. 

What was this? I have no idea. However I've not seen much since that time, nothing uninvited in any case. I have had shells of dead things hanging around, more so when I was in my teens and early twenties, when I was living a lot more fast and loose and really not taking care of myself. More recently, a friend who died about 6 years ago used to visit from time to time, a silent presence in the corner of my mental vision, occasionally coming into my dreams. Oddly he became more and more inhuman as time went by, and more like a hungry thing and less like the friend I knew, until I took him to a nearby temple, he's not been around since. In any case, that was not my friend, just a thought form gradually falling apart over time. While I treated it as if it were a spirit, or a husk of the person I knew, I have no real reason to suppose it was anything other than my memory of my friend, a way of coming to terms with his death, but I will never know for certain.

As for the Angel, and angels in general? That's a subject in itself, which I think I have already covered. I will say that early in my A.'.A.'. career he took the form of a Sumerian God, sometimes the peacock angel of the Yezidi, and an ancient Hebrew spirit of the wilderness, but as I went on these names and forms were gradually cast aside, images of images, not things to be attached to, but useful at certain points in my training. At this moment, I would say that the 'Angel', is another stand in term, much like God, for that about which nothing can be said. These previous images can be called angels in the technical sense, i.e. messengers, ways of making the connection. But the connection made, they are no longer necessary and so I rarely employ them. I will go so far as to say that I was instructed by the Angel itself not to rely on these images and forms. 

So in the final analysis, I suppose I an a positive agnostic in the matter of belief. I have no idea if any of these things are real, and reason says there is little to suggest that they are anything other than projections of the mind. Yet somehow treating them as if they are objectively what they present themselves to be seems to work. Or, as I think it was Robert Anton Wilson who responded, when asked if he thought these things were real: They're real enough.  

Love is the law, love under will.




Monday, 14 June 2021

No path, Nowhere to go.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

 My approach to the path has always come back to seeing reality as it is, rather than as I'd like to see it. Even though at times I have fallen into habits of acquiring badges, mottos, ranks, as well as theories practices and dogmas, eventually each of these falls away under the ruthless scrutiny of the quest for authenticity in practice. What is left is something that I can't even put a name to, at least not one which will stick as definitive. My understanding is that the main thing standing in my way is myself, my preconceptions, hopes, wishes, fears, desires, even the desire for enlightenment becomes something I carry around like a burden, so anything except that 'something', which is ever present yet somehow hidden, ends up being put aside in the end. The path is like the eye of a needle, and even a tiny knot in the yarn makes passing it through the eye impossible.

 Even the path itself can become a sort of attachment. The idea that there is a path to begin with is the same. Is it a path, or am I just a ghost wandering in the mist? In one sense, religion, spirituality, the path, and the rest, ar all just empty words and rituals. And yet they point towards something else, something deeper, and this I have come to appreciate is an understanding of life that goes beyond these things yet at the same time accepts them as expressions of it, itself being inexpressible in its 'is-ness'.

Many years ago, I had a sort of vision, which I perhaps didn't realise the import of until more recently. In the vision I saw a black ocean, and on it flowers eternally blooming and fading away. With this image came the words, "void flowers". I think I can appreciate this vision now. The sea is that nothingness which is itself an infinite fullness, because though itself unformed, gives birth to all things eternally. Like flowers arising on the surface of the ocean only to sink back down again in endless succession. This image is similar to the Egyptian symbolism of the lotus flower, whos roots are in the black mud of creation, and whos flowers briefly bloom on the surface only to sink back down when their time is over.

While I can see that this is the truth of it, according to the limitations of my perception at any rate, I am still far from realising it in daily life, in my person. The vision is not fully digested so to speak, there are still dregs, knots in the thread, ideas, hopes, fears, and the rest, which I cling to even though I know they are passing away. Holding on to the flowers as if they had any permanence, as if we could preserve even one is the predicament we find ourselves in. If that flower be ones life, career, loved ones, even our sense of self, individuality, a soul, religion, God and the rest. All of these things are flowers on the ocean, they bloom in their time and pass away. 

As a person who has spent a lot of time working on magick and spiritual practice this pulls the rug out from under me somewhat. All the grades, titles, practices, even the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel, itself the "image of an image", though important in their own place, are shown to be means to this end, not things to hold on to or to place great importance in. You don't wear skis to cross rocks, or climbing boots to swim in the sea. In the same way, magickal practices are useful in their own place. Qaballah can help order the mind, Goetia or the Abramelin can help bring certain things out or in to the sphere of the magician, yet a magician is only a worker of illusion, that is to say, he operates in the realm of form and concept, of means to ends, and on the lowest levels practical magick to improve ones lot in life. Yet while this remains the focus of practice it is a hinderance to a deeper view which can only really be arrived at when these things are put in their place and understood clearly. Not to refute them in a spasm of world denial, each level of existence has it's proper attributes, only to observe them in this universal perspective, as things that are part of the round of life and death, not things that can be held on to.

By practicing letting go, acquiescing to life as it is without trying to dress it up, or force it into any particular mold, it becomes possible to detach the attention from self, from the impermanent flowers that arise and sink back into the ocean, we become not victims of life, our lives a brief flowering in the sunlight, but willing participants in the dance, the eternal ebb and flow of existence. This can enliven whatever practice or observances we adhere to, because they then become expressions of this voidness, part of the dance and flow, we practice magickal ritual, or meditation, or even drinking tea or quietly sitting, and this is an expression of this eternal flowing and ebbing of the ocean of existence, we become one with it. This it not something to fear or lament over, not is it something to celebrate, it just is, and we can either work with it, or fight against it, and the person who strives against the momentum of the whole universe wastes his strength, even this effort is only a void flower.

Love is the law, love under will.


Monday, 17 May 2021

Inner Order grades 2: Adeptus Major (6○=5□)

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

While Crowley wrote extensively about the Outer Order grades, much less was written about those of the Inner Order. There are a number of reasons for this, one may simply be that he lacked material to fill out these grades. This is the cynical explanation, and while there may be some truth to it, I don’t think it is as simple as all that.

To elaborate, let us consider what it means to enter the Inner Order. The Adept has, by definition, obtained the experience called the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel (K&C of the HGA). This means that she has received her marching orders, and all further directions is not from her supervisor in the Order, but from the Angel itself. Since the K&C is entirely an individual matter, it becomes impossible to write authoritatively on what might constitute the tasks of the grades except in the most general terms. It then becomes the responsibility of the Adept in question to understand how her given tasks in fit onto her current grade work and implement them to the best of her ability in accordance with her own understanding. Ideally this would be done in collaboration with the supervisor, who’s job now is more one of observation and confirmation rather than testing by a set curriculum, but as often as not is an entirely private affair. Success or failure are thus matters kept between the Adeptus and her Angel, “under the shadow of the wings”, as it were.

With this in mind, the Adeptus Major can be generally defined as one who, having received their orders in Tiphareth, is thrown back into the thick of life to fulfil any and all requirements set forth by the Holy Guardian Angel. In my case, these tasks were first defined quite clearly. There validity was confirmed by the apparent ease of initiating the required steps. You might say that the Adeptus Major states her will, and then proves it by walking the walk. A false move will result in the Adeptus getting stuck until the course is corrected.

Technically speaking, there are three main tasks for the Adeptus Major grade. These are as follows:

·      Acquisition of the Siddhis.

·      Control of the Gunas.

·      Self-reliance.

The three paths to be followed are:

·      Kaph: The evocation of the mighty ones (10)

·      Yod: the absorption of the emanations (9), Liber DCCCXXXI

·      Teth: The protection of the Sphere (11), Liber O

It falls to each Adeptus Major to understand the grades in his or her own way, since language is mutable in its nuance and import, so I can’t make any claims to orthodoxy. This missive can therefore be taken as indicative of my approach, which may or may not be useful for others. To that end, while sticking with the general program, I have interpreted the paths in my own way, based on my own understanding of the paths and tasks of the grade. To do this I try to avoid jargon except to indicate where my ideas are drawn from. For this grade then, my keywords are as follows:

Equanimity (Kaph, The Wheel of Fortune)

The traditional image of this atu is the wheel of fortune, spun by an invisible hand. At its apex sits the sphinx, whilst the crocodile (Sebek) and ape (Babu) revolve on the circumference of the wheel. in direct terms, the task is initially to identify with the sphinx rather than the two animal faced gods, to find the centre around which the three gunas (Tamas, Rajas, Sattva) revolve. In the end though, we must bypass even the Sattvic quality of the Sphinx, which however clear, is still only a guna, it arises and passes away just as Rajas and Tamas, but must first be brought into balance. This achieved, the initiate passes beyond the cycles of being, consciousness and bliss inherent in the gunas.

For reference, Tamas is interpreted as ‘thick darkness’, lethargy, heaviness, dullness. Ignorance in the Buddhist sense. Rajas is energy, fiery, positive, forceful. Sattva is clarity, light, transcendence. They are equated with the Salt, Sulphur and Mercury of the alchemical model.

An important point. Both Sebek and Babu are humanoid, with animal faces. That is to say, their animal aspect is foremost, the ravenous Sebek, the wily and equally ravenous Babu. In modern Egyptology, both are regarded as devourers of the dead (make of that what you will). By contrast, the Sphinx is a human faced animal, representing the dominance of the reasoning faculty over the animal. Traditionally speaking, Sphinxes were a sort of inscrutable force themselves, waylaying travelers whom they would devour if they could not answer the riddle: “What goes on four legs in the morning, two at midday, and three in the evening?” It can do no harm to give the answer here, “A man”. It is my sense that understanding that this is man’s lot and acquiescing wholeheartedly with the conditions of our lives from cradle to grave, accepting our existence as the flowering of the universal consciousness, rather than behaving as if we were the victim of a cruel joke, is the real key to the riddle, the fruit of which is equanimity. 

Thus, sattvic awareness is brought into harmony with the other two gunas, and a clear awareness both of the samsaric state, and that which is beyond, yet inherent in samsara itself. Samsara is Nirvana, Nirvana is Samsara.

Self-reliance (Yod, The Hermit)

This path can be understood in a variety of ways. Pertinent to the Adeptus Major grade is the idea of a self-reliant being, directed by the inner light of the Holy Guardian Angel which is our ‘face before we are born’, (called in the Abramelin the ‘Bornless one’, i.e. the one beyond transitory things, who is in a sense zero, being Bornless. This idea resonates with my comments on the path of Kaph, being the Sphinx rather than a mere hungry animal strapped to the wheel of karma as a victim. The Sphinx remember is mercurial, Sattvic, master of the elements rather than their victim, a magician.

A key part of the Adeptus Major grade is that the holder shall convey the orders of her superior in the Order. In terms of the A\A\ as an initiatory Order, this means ensuring that those below her maintain the discipline expected of initiates, and that the system functions as a teaching body. It also includes ensuring that rules around inception of new candidates as well as the advancement of the brethren are upheld, and the teachings of the presiding Adept, usually the Preamonstrator, are duly conveyed and implemented. However this really only comes in to play if the Adeptus Major is assigned the role of Imperator, which may not be the case.

On the inner planes, in a way applicable to all who hold this grade, it is much simpler. The ‘Superior’, is the Angel, the Bornless face of the initiate herself, whose orders, which she received at the Knowledge and Conversation, must be conveyed to the lower spheres. The Adept thus serves as a conduit from Atziluthic to Assiah, herself operating theoretically in Briah, the archetypical plane, communicating via yetziratic forms, words, images, concepts understandable to those in the Outer College, and to the corresponding parts of her own being.

In the ordinary sense, this means that the Adeptus Major is to live her own truth, to be herself in all things, which is not the same as simply asserting herself unduly. This is, interestingly, the real meaning of humility, to be oneself, without ornament or elaboration, just as one is. Thus, as the hermit, the Adeptus Major should aspire to simplicity and humility, ruthlessly casting off all artifice and artificiality,  seeking to do her Will, and nothing else.

Grace (Teth, Strength/Lust)

This is the third task of the Adeptus Major, and the one which, when complete, leads naturally to the next grade of Adeptus Exemptus. My personal feeling is that Crowley’s interpretation of this path as ‘Lust’, while technically fine when properly understood, is too easily misunderstood, and omits an important lesson of this path, that of grace. It gives the impression of fiery and passionate activity, when in face Babalon riding the beast is ‘drunk on the blood of the saints’, therefore not in strict control, holding the reins lightly.

The traditional image of the Atu is a maiden gently but firmly holding open the mouth of a lion. She does this not by force, but by grace. This reflects the adage of the desert fathers, echoed in the Tao te Ching, that wild animals will not hurt somebody who is ‘pure of heart’, or in harmony with the Tao. This is identical with the idea in Thelema that the person who is doing their True Will has the inertia of the universe to assist them, which is the Thelemic interpretation of purity of heart. “Pure Will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, is in every way perfect” Liber al I:44.

As before, we can see that this path represents a development on the ideas presented in the previous two. They can be seen as three strands of a rope which requires all three in order to be complete. The Adeptus Major must this, practice equanimity by accepting the conditions or existence as they are, must be self-reliant and one-pointed, following her True Will wherever it may lead without distraction, and third, must exercise grace in her dealings with the world and her path, not forcing things, but following the path as it unfolds without regret or fear. This is of course easier said than done!

To me, this grade above all others encountered so far, indicates a real change in the direction of the Adept. As an Outer Order magician, there is a sense that the initiate is wearing different hats at different times, learning a curriculum, practicing various skills as a student at a university might, but there is a sense of going through the motions, it is a course that you take, like a university course which you will eventually graduate. The adeptus Minor becomes a sort of Mystic by dint of the Dhyana known to us as the K&C of the HGA, a sense of certainty will ensue, doors will open and close, the path starts to open up, but this is very much the honeymoon period.

An Adeptus Major on the other hand has to has to strive at all times to live as a ‘man of the way’ in its real sense. His school is that of ‘hard knocks’, and the freedom obtained as a denizen of the city of the sun, soon shows itself to be a one-way ticket along the self-willed path that he will follow to its end, either joyfully or kicking and screaming, depending on how well she learns and applies the lessons of this grade. This really isn’t school any more, the Inner College grades are played out in the life of the Adept, and the rewards and punishments, the ordeals, are mandatory and real.

This is in some ways the most severe grade yet, suitably enough residing as it does midway up the pillar of severity. It brooks no argument, takes no prisoners, has no mercy on the adept should a moment of weakness arise. By accepting the grade, she must also bear its curse, to do her True Will and nothing else with equanimity, self-reliance, and grace. If one would be a saint, not one drop can be held back from the cup, you must give your all, or not at all.

Love is the law, love under will.  

Sunday, 9 May 2021

The Spiritual Con

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The spiritual game is like a burglar robbing a building. When the police enter the front door, he goes up to the first floor. When they go up to the first, he goes up to the second and so on, until theoretically at least he must presumably get up to the roof. Our qabalistic system reflects this, our goal is always the next grade up. If I am a Neophyte, I want to become a Zelator. If a Zelator I want to become a Practicus and so on. The presumed spiritual self, the core of one's being, is the robber, always one floor up. The initiate is the police sent to root out the robber, who always seems just out of reach, whenever you make it onto the next floor, there you are, and no robber in sight, he's gone up a level! 

We play this endless game with ourselves, and granted, we find some interesting things on each floor, some have fantastic views. Occasionally we think we get a glimpse of the robber as he disappears up the stairs. He may even leave a note, “you can’t catch me, but keep trying, just a little further”. For the most part, this game is an internalisation of the games we usually play in the world. The spiritual game is largely a sublimation, rather than a new activity.

If we look in other areas of life, we can see that we are always trying to play the robber to somebody else, we are always trying to get something. For some the prize is a new car, a high level job, fame and fortune, for others the prize is something hard to pin down but still just another prize; the knowledge and conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel, enlightenment, siddhis, and so on. However, if we conduct our inner life as if we were out to get something then this is just an elaborate way of moving in circles. We don't really want to grow beyond ourselves, we just want to expand our idea of ourselves, make ourselves more real by adding a sublimated dimension, which we call our spiritual practice.

In social life, and the day-to-day life of business and work, this need to get ahead is always there. Except that there is more than one cop after the robber, we always want to be ahead of the other guy, to get the prize that he is too slow to get, we want to be the one that's 'got it'. Sometimes we behave as a competitor, sometimes a teacher, posing as guide or sage, demonstrating our wisdom or power, as one who inhabits the next floor up from others and therefore entitled to be listened to and respected. As somebody who has in the past had ‘students’ in the A\A\, I became aware of this tendency in myself and others; the need to always be one step ahead, just a bit more enlightened, a bit wiser than the student, have a closer link to the founder of the order, and thus superior, closer to getting the robber than they, always just ahead.

In the moral realm the same thing happens and is often mixed in with spirituality. Are liberal Christians better than conservative? My church is more accepting than yours, or more traditional, more 'old school', or closer to the original gospel, are common examples. In my foray's into the Catholic faith I noticed a strong tendency for self identified 'traditional Catholics' to criticize more liberal 'cafeteria Catholics' as being half baked and probably going to hell, while in turn being criticized for being hidebound by tradition and removed from the gospel. In Buddhism it is well known that each sect regards itself as superior for having a certain view. Mahayana is criticized by Hinayana adherents for its use of teachings other than those of the first Buddha, and Hinayana is often viewed negatively by Mahayana proponents with their sophisticated developments of the basic doctrine. Within our own system similar things happen: my lineage is purer than yours, has a more direct line to Aleister Crowley, or more 'orthodox', or conversely, my lineage might not have a clear paper trail, but we are the more accepting, the more liberal, less judgmental, or closer to the original ideals of the Great White Brotherhood. Claims to greater orthodoxy, greater originality, greater progressiveness, or more stringent examinations and testing criteria, or simply of being more serious Thelemites, all are really just ways of 'getting ahead' of the others, it's a con that we play on each other, and on ourselves. 

There is also the 'purity of aspiration' trap: as a purely ‘spiritual’ practitioner am I really any better than the guy who tries to use magic for material gain? In reality I and the guy using magic for material ends are really playing the same game in different arenas, trying in our way, to get ahead of the competition, to win prizes. We are always trying to be better, in some way, than the other guy.

While we often don't like to admit it, we think we are better than non practitioners because we play a spiritual game rather than a material one, we criticize materialists and those whose primary concerns are comfort in life. We have tried to go one floor up, like robbers, from Assiah to Yetzirah, from Yetzirah to Briah and so on. Really we are just playing the same old game of one-upmanship.

How then to undo this? I don’t think you can really, if you try to then you are liable to fall into yet another trap, the trap of being the most down to earth, grounded, rational and non-game-playing, then you start saying all sorts of terrible things about those who still appear to be playing the game of cops and robbers, and are therefore still inferior to you. It seems like a clever strategy, but once you've seen the robber in the mirror, it's hard to un-see it, and you realise that you can neither advance or retreat, and standing still isn't a possibility either. Deliberately remaining aloof from the game can also be no more than another game if we do it deliberately so as to not play the game, that is to say, if we do it with the objective of improving ourselves in our own or the eyes of others. The movement must be spontaneous, something that you can't get by trying.

 Having been 'on the path' now for while I am more than familiar with all of the tricks. I’ve used a good many of them myself, and probably still do. Even my pointing out how we are all hopelessly lost in this game could simply be another attempt to one-up the competition with my apparent self-awareness. There does seem to be a gap, a way out, action that is non-action, what Castaneda called 'not-doing', and the Taoists call 'Wu wei'. But how to practice this? Paradoxically, there are methods, or habits to acquire. I am still very much a beginner in this myself, but I hope to write a little about it in future posts.

Love is the law, love under will.

Wednesday, 28 April 2021

Intellectual and Mystical Approaches to Practice

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

One thing that marks out Thelema and related occult 'scenes' these days is the heavy slant towards a sort of intellectualism, where the mystical or spiritual aspects of practice get replaced by a sort of sophistry around unprovable ideas and dogmas, or else, in the case of thelema for example, endless speculation about this or that aspect of Aleister Crowley's life and writings. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not anti-intellectual by any stretch, I'm a scientist by training and know the value of concise and clear thinking. What does bother me is how the intellectual aspect of esoteric systems is expressed as a pissing contest and the mystical and devotional aspects of the spiritual path are forgotten about and the it becomes a combative pseudo-academic exercise largely derived from people arguing about which theory of magick is correct, which is ridiculous since they are all pretty much arbitrary, even the most antiquated and venerable, subject only to internal validation and unprovable one way or another.

These days my own practice is largely experiential, a direct confrontation with things as they are rather than as I would like them to be. Not rationalising or trying to fit my experience into a known system in an attempt to tame it and somehow cut it down to size, as if I could make life more digestible if I cut it into chunks and mixed it with a little salt to improve the taste. Over the last few years I have become more inclined to accept that some things don't necessarily fit into my view of the world, and it's not these things that need to change, but my mind that needs to expand to fit them. Magickal theory, of whatever stripe, has largely been discarded, quite simply because these models don't describe the universe accurately. How do I know this? Simple, when I act as if they were true I get no results, which is the same as when I act as if they are not true, so I have no sound reason to accept them. If one's practice is based on sound theory then the described results follow. I strongly feel that good intentions or wishful thinking are not sufficient to win over the laws of the universe. As Crowley put it, drinking sulfuric acid will kill you no matter how hard you believe it is water. Out of this mindset has arisen a sort of marriage of the mystical and the scientific attitude in my practice.

I can't help but feel that things would be a lot better in the world if we were more prepared to experience things directly, rather than through our preconceptions, not only in religious circles but in the realms of politics, society, and pretty much any other area of activity. I am currently working on using various computer models to describe ecological systems around soil-atmosphere carbon cycles, and fitting these to empirical data and assessing their accuracy gets me to thinking. My understanding is that while we use various theories and models to map what is happening in a system of process, these are only approximate, and though some are very accurate they only describe the process and there are always a great number of variables that we simply can't account for: factors infinite and unknown, if you will. The job of the modeler is to account for as many of these factors as possible to get the best fit for the model, so that the unknown factors have negligible influence. This requires a systematic approach that I enjoy, although I confess it also baffles me sometimes. But still, in the words of Monty Python; "it's only a model". 

Life is not compartmentalized, and these habits of thought leak into other areas. With the inner life something similar occurs, models are evaluated on how closely they fit the observed data, and those that do not fit get discarded. As I have already said, these metaphysical models are less subject to the validation which is an essential part of modelling physical and chemical systems such as those involved in climate change which are subject to replication and validation. We must however test our models empirically whenever possible, but often the unknown factors are not only external things, but internal to the observer. The tools are often, mis-calibrated, so to speak, and this can lead to all sorts of errors, from the functionally inconsequential to the drastically consequential. Therefore it is important that we have tools for periodic calibration of the mind and its perceptions, that, in short, we develop a reflective capacity, to develop a mind which, as the saying goes, "reflects the moon and a flying bird", while itself remaining unmoved.

In the spiritual life there is little peer review except (in the case of A.'.A.'.) your supervisor, and people can go for years adhering to a set of ideas that have no basis in reality, or by contrast, may float from idea to idea, never settling down to anything but shifting around. Getting more scattered and not really attaining anything, like a mystical bumble bee undecided on which flower to settle on, never gathering nectar as a result and in fact unable to discern good flowers from weeds. This flitting about is nearly as bad as obsessing over a false model, except that they are more liable to get no result than a bad result, and are likely to end up chucking the whole thing out without ever having committed to the path sufficiently to obtain even superficial results. Further, while A.'.A.'. aspirants have a supervisor, that individual should not be relied on as they will have their own bias and point of view. A good supervisor I think will want their students to learn how to think, not what to think.

Most of the things we make so much noise about, technical differences between different interpretations of the pentagram rituals for example, or insistence on this or that interpretation of the doctrine of the abyss are are orthodox, hilarious given the unknowable quality of the subject matter, are all too common. One branch of Thelema seeking a sort of orthodoxy has gone so far as to try to define the abyss in symbols and sypher, the joke having apparently been lost on them. It is no better than the catholic churches insistence on a specific interpretation of its own doctrines that serve only to alienate and sow division rather than unite, insisting that god is this and he isn't that, and that such and such an interpretation is erroneous on no more than the testimony of old books thrice translated, overcomplicating a message that should be luminously simple. Real spirituality I feel must move between these two frauds of rigid dogmatism on the one hand (that is, opinion based on the strength of the assertion in lieu of robust evidence), and a sort of wooly headed anything goes spirituality embracing any and every obscure and convoluted theory. Quite often it also seems, these two meet at their extremes and one mans bonkers theory becomes the basis on a religion and enshrined in an unassailable vault on no more merit than the absolute belief of the adherents. I have to be honest, this orthodox wing of thelema scares me, it is a sort of fundamentalism lite.  

When I first encountered the A.'.A.'. system, what attracted me to it was the slogan: "The method of science, the aim of religion". I realise now of course that this is not really the method of science at all, but the method of empiricism, which is to say trial and error. "Try all, and hold fast to that which is good", experiment, see what works and what doesn't. Understand theories, listen to people and read widely and deeply, try things, but always be ruthlessly honest about the process and be prepared to cast off even one's pet ideas if they should be demonstrated as unsound. All well and good, but easier said than done, many of us are not really well equipped with critical thinking skills at the outset and mistake the trappings of a scholarly approach for a genuinely empirical attitude, as if barking like a dog makes you a dog.

One really good and scientific way of approaching this problem is a method based on Bayes theorem, which was used by Alan Turing to crack the enigma code, applied to thinking. This method is one of probability, and essential for sound critical thinking, addressing ones biases and obtaining a more realistic view of things. We use probabilities because, as anybody knows, "only the Sith think in absolutes", that is to say, all or nothing, rigid terms, often associated with personality disorders. In Bayesian thinking, the first thing to be aware of is that this method is not black and white, we never actually have absolute certainty, which is as true of mathematical models as it is of life itself, there is always room for error, we must always admit the possibility of the factor infinite and unknown. We always weight the evidence, adjusted to account for previous knowledge of a situation, and critically, should new evidence arise we adjust our assumptions accordingly. To make an example:

Say you have a child, normally well behaved who is accused to stealing cookies from the cookie jar. When asked the child swears she didn't do it and it must have been her brother. As the parent, you know the child well enough that she likely didn't do it, yet nobody else was in the house at the time.

H stands for the hypothesis of innocence, this is possible but not very likely. Prior knowledge of the childs character and that of her brother, a known cookie lover, are the only evidence to support it and the excuse is rather cliché after all. These priors give weight to the hypothesis but not by much given the evidence, i.e., empty cookie jar and no other person around.

N stands for the null hypothesis, that is, the child did in fact steal the cookies and is covering her trail by blaming her brother. You think this is likely, but the evidence points towards the opposite hypothesis.

Which is more probably, H or N? For now we might say that N outweighs H in the scales of justice, so we must see N as being more probable. We might say that observable evidence outweigh the theoretical (H) which is based only on our priors, so we say that in all likelihood she did in fact steal the cookies. 

However, supposing later that day you call both children in for dinner, and the brother is uncharacteristically not hungry while the sister is famished as would be expected if H were true. Whilst you cannot prove anything categorically, this suggests that the brother has already eaten and that the sister is in fact telling the truth. While slight, this new evidence combined with our prior (that the sister doesn't usually steal cookies and the boy is a known cookie lover), must be taken into account. Not incontrovertible, but this does adjust the scales somewhat in her favour.

Take it another step: on doing the laundry later that night after the kids have gone to bed, you find cookie crumbs in the pockets of the brothers jeans, or even a crumpled packet, then this swings the scales back towards H. You then go back and update your probabilities accordingly. Note that this does not mean that N is impossible (she could have planted the evidence, but given her character this is unlikely), only that the evidence is now stacked in favour of the opposite hypothesis. In this situation it would seem much more reasonable to ground the brother and let the sister off the hook and we could respond with a much higher degree of certainty.

We can use this method of reasoning in daily life, we continually adjust, adapt, remember our priors, and remember that we are dealing with probabilities rather than absolutes. In magical and spiritual circles this type of thinking is often cast aside in favour of biased modes of cognition, our priors become what we previously believed (anchoring bias), backed up by what we would like to be true based on the model of reality we are superimposing over things, and these given undue weight. Anchoring bias is like holding down one side of the scales to simulate the weight of evidence where none in fact exists. If these methods were used more regularly and rigorously by occultists then there would be much lower prevalence of outlandish beliefs and the 'method of science' might actually start to be worthy of the name.

But what has this to do with mysticism? Everything. My own belief is that science and mysticism are twin pillars of the temple, not contraries. Mysticism based on bad science is empty speculation at best, fundamentalism, fanaticism and insanity at worst. Science without the broader, deeper view of mysticism, the implicit appreciation of the unity of all things, is mechanistic, utilitarian, the manipulation of dead things. On the other hand, all factors, known and unknown are part of the one equation, even the observer is part of the observed model and can change the outcome by the act of observation itself. Without a rigourous, scientific approach, mysticism tends to head in unverifiable directions and loose contact with the ground of reality, becoming truly an opiate of sorts, a way of avoiding reality and making real unity impossible. As an aikido practitioner I see this danger, people forget the martial aspect of the art (it has to work if it is to have meaning), and it becomes empty movement, a sort of choreographed dance. Or the opposite can happen and the art becomes a rather inefficient for or self defense based solely on faith that it will somehow work if needed, despite never being tested, and with none of the internal work and understanding of why the movements are as they are that really gives aikido life and meaning. In many instances it has ceased to be a budo in any real sense, and at the same time cannot really be called a form of self defense. 

As an A.'.A.'. aspirant, I see the same danger in initiates. Too many are hooked on conspiracy theories and abstract speculations for which the evidence is circumstantial at best and often so wildly unlikely that one wonders how anybody in their right mind can hold such beliefs. Of course it's not right to discount such things as occult knowledge and conspiracy theories out of hand however improbably they might seem (we know that real conspiracies do exist), but you can only go with the weight of evidence, scanty as it often is in areas deliberately concealed from view. I recently conducted a fairly thorough investigation of the origins of some of the more popular theories, they all seem to be related to the Montuak Project, ideas of ancient baby eating alien reptilians for example, all based on the testimony of one person, whose story has actually changed over the years, indicating a lack of consistency at best. These ideas have caught on and have been further developed by other more recent pundits all saying similar things and drawing on a wide variety of media and circumstantial ideas to demonstrate the point, I see it as the mental equivalent of pareidolia, a sort of Rorschach test that may reveal more about the holder of such beliefs than about the validity of the ideas themselves, plugging into our fears and fantasies in ways that trick the mind. It becomes a sort of mental parasite that restructures the thinking in a self-referential loop from which not many seem to emerge. Again we see how the inability to assess the value of information means that anything is allowed to take up residence in the mind, becoming in its turn a sort of fanaticism, which explains the extreme defensiveness common to both religious fanatics and conspiracy theorists. 

A more balanced way is possible, and essential for a healthy mental, emotional and spiritual life, we must learn to properly curate our minds if they are to become the book of Thoth rather than some Necronomicon of crazed ideas. I might for example, believe that I was Napoleon in a past life. This is fine, a datum that I enter into my logs as I might a vivid dream or recurring feeling, but if I wanted to verify it I would need to know things that only Napoleon would know, or produce some other evidence if I expect to be believed. In the absence of evidence I would be wiser to regard the feeling of being Napoleon as only a feeling, possibly meaningful but not likely to be actually true. If we are firm believers in reincarnation we might have a preexisting belief that sways our thinking, in that we already readily accept that such things happen all the time, but this itself may be biased thinking and we would need to examine this prior. Is it based on knowledge of on belief? Why do we believe it? Are we culturally or socially obliged to hold this belief? What would the world look like if it was true? What would the world look like if it was untrue?

The mystical aspect of all of this is then direct experience, authentic communion with the unknown, an unrelenting attitude of aiming to see the universe as it is, not as we would like it to be. This is an austere way of living, and not easy, but in my estimation is the only real way to address reality on her own terms and come to appreciate the magnificent simplicity of living in this world fully conscious, fully participating in the dance of life unconditionally and without reservation. Thus it is that over the years my practice has been stripped down to essentials, with many things cast by the wayside as not providing accurate models of reality, failing under the scrutiny of analysis. Each is a veil of Isis, beautiful in their own ways but essentially veils, meant to intoxicate and seduce, but otherwise a sideshow. Beyond this, the ground of being, Isis unveiled, the face of God which No Man can look upon and live, the Holy of Holies lies silent within the empty tabernacle. 

Love is the law, love under will.



Friday, 19 March 2021

Spring Equinox 2021

Woke up early this morning as usual, the clear pre-dawn air still chilly. I had planned to head out for a morning of Aikido, only to check what todays class schedule was and find that there was no class for some reason. 

I could have meditated, read some liturgy or gone for an early morning walk. Instead I had a coffee, applied for two jobs and had a chat with a couple of friends back in the UK.

Some days, like today, I don't feel in the least bit like observing the mind, engaging in spiritual discipline, or anything related to it, and instead the mind turns naturally towards practical issues like how I will feed and house myself, and the enforced salesmanship of a competitive job market saturated with graduates all vying for position. A distasteful but necessary chore that plugs in to the survival circuits and overrides other considerations in the hierarchy of needs.

What has this to do with the way? Everything. Lots of us are unemployed or soon to be, even highly qualified people. Great patience and perseverance is required. I've found the experience a lot like fishing; you cast the hook, occasionally get a bite, it looks good and you start to reel, and it gets away, and you cast the hook again, perhaps adjusting the bait or picking a better looking spot. The thing is, you can't force it, but have no choice but to wait patiently, with no sense of certainty.

This I think is quite an important life lesson, the lack of certainty. Life is continuous change and flux, even when things appear to be in balance, much like the procession of the seasons that we mark today at the vernal Equinox. Nothing stands still but is in constant motion, flux and reflux, rising and falling on the infinite ocean. So, casting off expectations or any sense of entitlement that may reside in the heart settles the heart and cools the mind. Just watching, seeing what comes up, and aspiring only to move in harmony with the seasons of the year and the greater seasons of life, listening as ever to the silent guide whose invisible hand guides you along the way. Patience, perseverance, humility.

Whatever will come, let it come. I am already given over to the forces that govern life, and will lead me eventually to my death. No reason to despond, nothing to fear, the way of the universe is wide and clear and one tiny life can only see part of it, as a boat on a river does not appreciate the whole, but only the current strait, much less the eternal ocean beyond.

  

Thursday, 18 March 2021

Keng's Disciple

The disciple: "When I don't know people treat me like a fool.
When I do know, the knowledge gets me into trouble.
When I fail to do good. I hurt others.
When I do good, I hurt myself.
If I avoid my duty, I am remiss,
But if I do it, I am ruined.
How can I get out of these contradictions?
This is what I came to ask you."


". . . .You are trying to sound
The middle of the ocean
With a six-foot pole.
You have got lost and are trying
To find your way back
To your own true self.
You find nothing
But illegible signposts
Pointing in all directions.
I pity you."

The disciple asked for admittance,
Took a cell, and there
Meditated,
Trying to cultivate qualities
He thought desirable
And get rid of others
Which he disliked.
Ten days of that!
Despair!

". . . Do not try
To hold on to Tao -
Just hope that Tao
Will keep hold of you!"

". . . You want the first elements?
The infant has them.
Free from care, unaware of self,
He acts without reflection,
Stays where he is put, does not know why,
Does not figure things out,
Just goes along with them,
Is part of the current.
These are the first elements!"

The disciple asked:
Is this perfection?

Lao replied: "Not at all.
It is only the beginning.
This melts the ice.

This enables you
To unlearn,
So that you can be led by Tao,
Be a child of Tao

If you persist in trying
To attain what is never attained
(It is Tao's gift!)
If you persist in making effort
To obtain what effort cannot get;
If you persist in reasoning
About what cannot be understood,
You will be destroyed
By the very thing you seek.

To know when to stop to know
When you can get no further
By your own action,
This is the right beginning!”


― Thomas Merton, The Way of Chuang Tzu