Egotism and Practice

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

When Crowley instituted the syllabus and methods of the A.'.A.'., he stipulated that each aspirant should work alone or with their instructor. The main reason for this is to reduce the risk of the work becoming a social gathering, a 'tea party', as one initiate put it. Another good reason is to reduce the friction of egos within the work. There is no getting away from the fact that, once you set out on the path, at some point the ego is going to trip you up. For me, the ego pops up from time to time in a multitude of ways. One of the biggest in in comparing myself with others. 

Using a graded system, we are of course subject to a hierarchy, we have people above us who we take as superiors, and those below us in the chain, who presumably that makes inferiors. To attempt to mitigate this somewhat, within the lineage I work out of we have substituted these terms for 'supervisor' and 'student'. It's not perfect, but language is important, what you feed into the subconscious is what grows there. 

Other situations for ego to arise are available. I recall that I once joined a Buddhist meditation group for a while. Nice people, vegetarian, knowledgeable about their subject, with a bit of an activist streak that I wasn't entirely comfortable with but I was mainly there for the meditation. One day I was out with some friends, walking the dogs in the woods, having a beer and generally having a good time. I happened to see a couple walking nearby, and one of them was a lady from the meditation group. I hoped that she wouldn't see me drinking beer in the woods, lest she judge me and think me not a 'serious' practitioner. You see, the ego has a negative side too.  

I've never done a vipassana retreat. I'd quite like to give it a go, but one report gave me food for thought. An acquaintance of mine did one, and she said it was full of egotists all trying to outdo each other with how well they could meditate. I'll never know how much of this is true as reported and how much her perception, perhaps based on the same sort of negative egotism I fell prey to in the woods that day. I suspect it may have been a little of both.

In the dojo we are constantly exposing our strengths and weaknesses to one another. One friend described it as the ego being a raw nerve. We perform well, we feel good, but if we perform badly we feel bad, more so that the other person was there to observe our failure. It takes real humility to fail and fail hundreds of times, even after years of practice, and still go back the next day to do it again.

Egotism arises in all walks of life. As an academic I've felt it, as a martial artist, as a musician, it has a multitude of ways to show its face. I feel however that to try to suppress it or pretend that we don't have it is a mistake. Psychologists tell us that suppressed emotions get stuffed into the subconscious, and arise later as neuroses and projections. What we put into the subconscious is what grows there. The subconscious mind provides the materials from which we build the conscious mind, so we need to be careful of every loose thought and feeling that we suppress and stuff into the cellar, hoping that nobody will notice. 

My current practice regarding ego is to treat it as everything else that comes up, observe it, name it, and understand how it arises and passes away. But importantly try not to attach anything to it. Morihei Ueshiba said, "when a guest comes to visit, invite him in, when he's ready to leave, bid him farewell." Meditation is like this. Spiritual practice is like this. We observe what we are and where we are, thoughts, feelings, pain, pleasure, without judgement or expectation. It can be painful to stand naked before ourselves, it pricks the ego to admit our shortcomings and perceived failings. But without this we have no humility, we build up walls between ourselves and others, we start making distinctions and differences, better/worse, wise/stupid, good/evil etc. 

In the end, ego can teach us how to deal with ego, if we are willing to look it in the face.

Love is the law, love under will.

Meditation demystified 3 (Dharana and Dhyana)

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

This far I have focused only on the physical aspects of yoga and meditation. Now I want to talk a little about the mental aspects. Dharana is properly connected to the grade of Practicus, while dhyana is the main focus of the Dominus Liminus. I will however discuss them in their own right, rather than as grade focused practice. I would further say that the practice of dhyana is probably still my daily practice, helped along by both dharana and pranayama. 

First, definitions: dharana is concentration, dhyana is unification. Dharana admits both subject and object, dhyana is the unification of subject and object into a single whole. Expanded outwards this naturally develops into samadhi, but one step at a time.

Practically speaking, dharana is probably the most complex of the two, and can be as variable as the imagination allows. Liber E suggests various methods, imagining various shapes, tattvas, shapes, colours, smells etc. Of course the simplest and most effective in my opinion is just to count the breath, not necessarily in the same way as pranayama, but simply counting the gentle inhalation and exhalation, or focusing the attention on the hara (muladara chakra or seika no itten). There is really no need to make anything complicated about it, although there is nothing specifically wrong with that either. Coordinated physical movements require concentration, and can therefore form the basis of dharana. Just walking down the street or driving can also serve. The thing is to obtain a mindset that naturally sticks fast to whatever you require it to, and stay there for as long as necessary.

Crowley recommends counting ones breaks. This is highly subjective but still useful, I would suggest making a spreadsheet documenting the number of breaks per session over a given time period, say several months. The best thing is to take the data first and then apply it to a graph all at once, so you can note changes, improvements or regressions, without being tempted to respond to the data and thus bias the results. It should also be possible to work out what helps or hinders good dharana by referring to the diary and noting common factors by comparing particularly good or bad days to the corresponding diary entries. 

As for dhyana: this is where things get confusing. Firstly, good dharana leads naturally to dhyana. Dhyana isn't a practice as such, but a state of unified consciousness that is the result of practice. Dhyana is what happens when you achieve one-pointedness. Within Tempu's system, this was called, shin-shin-toitsu, 'mind-body unification'. In Zen, dhyana is that state in which, when you sit, you just sit, when you walk, you just walk. The mind being like the still surface of a lake, that reflects all things clearly.

Practically speaking, the state can be difficult to achieve, and more so to maintain. In a typical practice during a normal period when I am subject to the usual distractions of life, dhyana comes and goes throughout the sitting. I will be sat, the mind in its usual patterns, coming and going, following thoughts or the senses as usual, and briefly, it will stop, it is like a light comes on or a window opens to let in fresh air, blowing away the cobwebs of ordinary confused though. In aikido, dhyana comes when the mind and body are in perfect harmony with that of my partner, whether throwing or being thrown, the movement becomes unified, and on those occasions the person being thrown almost always lands with a laugh and the harmony of the movement. We might call this 'getting in the groove', it is common among musicians, dancers etc.

So, how to practice dhyana? It is not easy to just issue instructions since we are generally working against a lifetime of habits, but it is at least conceptually simple, since we can soon learn what kinds of things help or hinder our meditation by seeing what thoughts intrude and what makes us want to get up off the cushion. As far as practical advice for sitting itself goes: sit still, breath regularly, relax completely, stop talking, listen. 

Talking of listening; I have found that listening to the 'nada' sound is useful. This is the ringing sound that we hear when all other sounds are filtered out. The mere fact of noticing the sound indicates that the mind is reasonably quiet, so it is a good place to start to cultivate this silence. 

Now, we should be aware that the state of dhyana is always there, like the nada sound, and it only takes a second to return to it. The natural state of the mind and the body is to be unified. Animals, dogs and cats for example, are naturally in this state, did you ever try to push a cat over? They are naturally stable because the mind and body are naturally unified. This is our birthright too, although human minds are filled with all sorts of distractions, we are accustomed to carrying unnecessary tensions and useless thoughts. This causes the mind to tense up and separate from the body. The body tenses up, stiff shoulders, heavy movements, constricted blood vessels, and this happens so gradually that we don't notice. We cannot even remember what dhyana feels like.

Dhyana is then nothing more than our natural state, when we drop pretense, stop chasing after distractions, thoughts, verbal chatter, stop trying to attain some mystical state, when we relax, sit still but alert, just part of the world around us, neither unduly distracted nor closed off from it, we can return to the unified state which is originally ours.

Love is the law, love under will.

On Duplicity

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Over the last decade, the O.T.O. and its attendant A.'.A.'. group have gradually taken center stage in Thelemic discourse. Naturally, the O.T.O. is perhaps the largest and best-known Thelemic order today. I was a member from 2010 to 2014 before resigning to pursue my own path.

Around that time, J.D. Gunther began to gain attention, particularly within the O.T.O. It was said that he was the head of the A.'.A.'. and closely associated with senior O.T.O. members, including the O.H.O. This was intriguing, especially for those familiar with A.'.A.'. history. It’s worth noting that discussion of the A.'.A.'. during O.T.O. meetings was generally frowned upon. While this didn't stop us, it did lend a clandestine air to the whole affair.

Gunther authored a couple of fascinating books combining Jungian psychology, Thelemic doctrine, references to various ancient sources, and a concept he called 'duplexity.' This doctrine posited that the A.'.A.'. and O.T.O. function as dual currents, akin to the two serpents entwined on Hermes' rod. I read these works with interest but must admit that much of their content felt tangential to my path. Gunther’s interpretations of the A.'.A.'. seemed idiosyncratic, and I found Crowley’s vision to be both purer and more compelling.

Despite flying in the face of Crowley's assertions in various places that there is no essential connection between A.'.A.'. and OTO, the idea of duplexity, from what I can gather born of the imaginings of the author, was seized upon by OTO people as proof of the validity of the order, to the extent that it is today taken as dogma in those circles. It doesn't take much analysis to see what the idea gained traction, despite being at odds with what Crowley himself said on the matter. (For the record, when it comes to Crowley's legacy, I trust what he himself said, rather than trusting interpretations of later commentators). At the time we lapped up what appeared to be new teachings, and all wanted to join the official A.'.A.'., to meet the elusive 'world teacher', get invitations to his lectures, and generally be in the 'in crowd'. Gunther gave off an air of academic rigour and depth that leant weight to his writings, of course we were all ears. 

Despite contradicting Crowley's repeated assertions that there is no essential connection between the A.'.A.'. and the O.T.O., the concept of 'duplexity'—seemingly a product of the author’s imagination—was eagerly adopted by O.T.O. members as validation of their order. This idea has since been elevated to dogma within those circles. It doesn’t require much analysis to see why this concept gained traction, even though it conflicts with Crowley’s own statements on the matter. For the record, I trust Crowley’s direct words over the interpretations of later commentators when it comes to his legacy.

At the time, we eagerly embraced what seemed like fresh teachings. We were all keen to join the official A.'.A.'., meet the enigmatic 'world teacher,' receive invitations to his lectures, and be part of the 'in crowd.' Gunther exuded an aura of academic rigor and intellectual depth that gave his writings a certain authority—and naturally, we were all ears.

I did some digging into J.D. Gunther—his background and the reliability of the claims surrounding him. The earliest reference I could find comes from James Wasserman (anecdotal, but from a credible source). Wasserman recounted Gunther walking into their shop in New York, claiming to represent the A.'.A.'. Upon learning that they were students of Marcelo Motta, Gunther immediately reached out to Motta and became his student.

From this, two points become clear:

1. Gunther had a history of making questionable claims to authority, as he had no formal contact with the A.'.A.'. prior to this encounter, as evidenced by his subsequent actions.

2. He did eventually become a student of Motta, thereby establishing himself as an A.'.A.'. initiate under a traceable instructor.

To his credit, once confronted with a legitimate link to the Order, Gunther acknowledged it and petitioned for admission. However, it’s evident that the idea of a pre-existing connection was already in his mind at the time. I would classify this connection as a spiritual link, and it’s worth noting that such claims are difficult to dispute, provided the claimant adheres to them. After all, "Success is your proof."

Motta was well-known, even then, for being something of a firebrand. He attempted—unsuccessfully—to claim leadership of the O.T.O., ultimately losing that battle in court to Grady McMurtry and a group of Motta's own former students. These ex-students went on to form the current leadership of the O.T.O. Their ongoing affiliation with Gunther as his students in the A.'.A.'. is, in fact, the true foundation of the concept of 'duplexity.'

I believe that the later introduction of the term itself, along with its apparent significance, is largely a concoction designed to justify their position rather than stemming from any genuine mystical revelation.

It is well known that Motta, a student of Karl Germer, had a contentious history with many of his own students. He was often described as domineering, demanding absolute loyalty, and expelling most of his students for various perceived infractions. My current superior was briefly in communication with Motta, but when faced with the same demands for loyalty, he politely declined.

With the exception of Frater Sphinx (David Berssen), nearly every student or associate of Motta eventually found themselves expelled or severing ties with him for one reason or another. Gunther's case, however, was somewhat different. He wasn’t expelled from the A.'.A.'. by Motta; instead, he chose to resign.

How do I know this? from the hand of Motta himself. In his volume of the equinox (https://archive.org/details/TheEquinoxVol5No4SexAndReligion), he clearly states the following:

"James Daniel Gunther, once a legitimate OTO representative, demoted for planning to murder his hierarchic superior. Withdrew voluntarily from the A.'.A.'. and was expelled from the OTO" (editorial, sex and religion, page 11).

Perhaps this is hyperbole. Motta was, after all, somewhat unbalanced—paranoid, to say the least. So why should we believe him? My reasoning is as follows: the editorial notes in several places that Motta expelled various individuals from the A.'.A.'., clearly demonstrating that he had no hesitation in severing ties with students who displeased him. Moreover, he had no qualms about publicly outing individuals he claimed were falsely asserting A.'.A.'. status.

If Motta had truly wanted Gunther out, he could have easily done so. This raises an important point: if Motta expelled Gunther from the O.T.O., why did he not do the same with the A.'.A.'.? It suggests that, at least on some level, Motta recognized Gunther's legitimacy within the A.'.A.'. framework, even if their paths eventually diverged.

It's essentially Gunther's word against Motta's, and both men have a track record of making questionable claims—neither seems above bending the truth. So, who should we believe? Personally, I side with Motta. The reason he didn’t sever ties with Gunther was simple: he didn’t need to. Motta, known for his tendency to expel students with relish, would likely have taken great satisfaction in formally dismissing Gunther. He certainly had the authority to do so, as Gunther appeared to regard him as his superior—a lineage that, as far as I know, is still claimed today.

However, expulsion wasn’t necessary. Given the accusations levelled against him, Gunther made the choice to remove himself.

As any Probationer knows, "Only once does the Great Order knock on any one door" (The Preliminary Lection, verse 6). This implies that each individual receives only one opportunity per incarnation—no second chances. Therefore, given that Gunther resigned, as seems likely based on the evidence, his claim to represent the A.'.A.'. cannot hold true.

If Gunther can provide evidence to disprove this, then I’m all ears. So far, though—crickets. I was once told by one of his Probationers that the real magical link was through Krumm Heller. However, since the O.T.O. has consistently stated that they do not recognize this initiate in any capacity, this seems unlikely. Furthermore, I have not encountered this story being repeated.

Given what we know about Motta, I can’t say I blame him for withdrawing, if only for the sake of his mental health. In his position, I’d probably have done the same—high-tailed it out of there—and, like him, continued the work independently. Could he have aligned himself with another initiate? Perhaps. When my own supervisor resigned, I sought out another and successfully retained a formal link to the Order, one that I was able to verify to my own satisfaction.

However, times were different back then; perhaps that opportunity wasn’t available to him. In such cases—which, as it turns out, are not uncommon—someone may lose their direct, flesh-and-blood link to the Order. But that doesn’t mean the quest must come to an end.

Withdrawing from Motta's discipleship does not necessarily equate to withdrawing from the Great Work. By Gunther’s own admission, he subsequently entered a lengthy period of introspection before reemerging in the 1980s as the leader of what was then the most prominent A.'.A.'. group—the one with its address printed in the back of most O.T.O.-published Crowley books.

If we take Crowley at his word that the A.'.A.'. is a sempiternal Order, then it transcends the mundane concerns of interpersonal politics. I fully accept that one can withdraw from discipleship while still maintaining an inner connection to the A.'.A.'., as the notion of an unbroken chain of transmission from the dawn of time seems highly improbable. That idea resembles the fanciful dreams of the Theosophists more than grounded reality.

This leads to a critical dichotomy: either the A.'.A.'. is a sempiternal spiritual order accessible to anyone who genuinely seeks it, or it is a mundane hierarchical organization where membership hinges on a direct, flesh-and-blood link. If the latter is true, we can reasonably conclude that the A.'.A.'. was merely a creation of Aleister Crowley in his more idealistic youth, and the talk of sempiternal orders is little more than decorative fantasy.

 Personally, I side with Crowley and regard the A.'.A.'. as a sempiternal order of the spirit. “The Brothers of the A∴A∴ refuse none. They have no objection to anyone claiming to be of themselves. If he does so, let him abide by it” (Liber LXXI III:24). This means I have no issue with anyone claiming membership. It doesn’t concern me as long as they don’t impose on or interfere with others.

The A.'.A.'. is an immensely powerful thought-form, directly resonating with the highest ideals of many spiritual seekers. In a sense, once you’re in—once you’ve received the brand—you are in for life. I’ve had students who, despite formally resigning, continue to think in A.'.A.'. terms and use the grade system. They are fully aware that their resignation forfeits their right to claim affiliation with the mundane Order, yet they persist in the work.

I don’t blame them for continuing; after all, their commitment to the principles remains. Importantly, however, they aren’t out making claims of authority, nor are they questioning the legitimacy or integrity of those who choose not to operate under the same banner or submit to their authority. For this reason, I choose not to comment.

Generally, I adopt a live-and-let-live approach, but I draw the line at dishonesty—especially when it is used to deceive others and sow division for personal gain. When duplicity arises, I feel a responsibility to speak out.

I know several people within both the O.T.O. and the Gunther-led A.'.A.'., adherents to the concept of duplexity. To avoid unnecessary arguments, I generally keep my peace, as this has little bearing on my day-to-day life. On the whole, good work is being done within that camp. Some valuable books are being published—some less so—but there are a few truly brilliant occultists and writers affiliated with the group whom I hold in high regard, even though I view the leadership's claims to sole authority as spurious.

Gunther continues to remain active on the lecture circuit. The notion that all A.'.A.'. groups, except theirs, are pretenders surfaces regularly. They have honed the art of authoritative assertion to a fine degree—so much so that their air of certainty leaves little room for challenge. At this point, it feels like finely tuned propaganda, almost convincing in its assuredness. Yet, engaging with it is akin to drinking a draft that initially seems pleasant but harbours a hidden bitterness beneath the surface.

Crowley wrote, to paraphrase, that the hallmark of the Black Brothers is their exclusivity: "We are the men," "ours is the only way." When I look at the Gunther-led A.'.A.'., this is precisely what I see. Not only is the claim to be head of the Order—by my assessment and in the opinion of his superior (who ought to have the final say)—most likely false, but the group’s claims of exclusivity are also highly suspect. It’s worth noting that no other known A.'.A.'. individuals make such claims, even though much stronger assertions could arguably be made by others. This, to me, is a significant red flag.

The projected air of authority from this group feels brittle, like a cracked vase—it appears polished on the surface, but when tapped, it emits a hollow, false note. A little digging into readily available archives quickly reveals the underlying deception. To be clear, I’m not accusing them of being 'Black Brothers' outright, but they certainly display traits commonly associated with that type and may well be heading down that path.

This approach also leans heavily on an anchoring bias among new recruits. People naturally tend to rely on the first piece of information they receive on a topic when evaluating subsequent evidence. Most of us encounter this particular A.'.A.'. group first—often through references in the backs of books. Impressed by its aura of gravitas and lacking any immediate reason to question it, many, at least subconsciously, measure all other claims against this initial impression. I must admit, if you overlook the crucial fact of Motta’s testimony, their presentation is quite convincing.

My (now resigned) superior fell into this pattern, as have some of my students—and I did as well, for quite some time. Simply put, I didn’t know any better until I started examining the evidence.

In any case, it will persist. There is nothing I can do to stop it, and that’s alright. History, after all, is written by the victors—just ask the Catholic Church. My own path with the mundane A.'.A.'. is nearly complete; you could say I’ve passed through Crowley’s system and emerged in clearer waters.

It is only the lingering attachments of my lower self—formed during my time as an aspirant in a small lineage of the A.'.A.'., coupled with my strong aversion to dishonesty, especially in spiritual matters—that make me sensitive to these issues.

Love is the law, love under will.

Martial arts in relation to the A.'.A.'. path

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

I have been fortunate in my life to have been exposed to the martial arts relatively early on. I always had an interest in the martial arts, I practiced a Korean art for about a year in my mid-teens, then at 19 I met a practitioner of Karate, Batto-jutsu, and Tai chi chuan. My interest at the time was largely in the Japanese sword. I remember after discussing this with him he showed me how to cut. Then, handing me a suitable sized stick, told me to go and practice cutting before heading off for a beer. This I did, for hours, and continued to learn from him for years. For the next few years the bokken (wooden training sword) was a constant companion. In fact even after I joined the British Army a couple of years later, except for basic training, I carried a pair of bokken wherever I travelled, even overseas at one point, and trained with whoever was available. 

I also took up the practice of Yang style Tai chi chuan, the longer form consisting of 108 steps. I have now practiced this for over 20 years. 

I have had an interest in Thelema since my teens, and formally affiliated with the A.'.A.'. ten years ago this month. Less than a year after that I also began training in Shinshin-toitsu Aikido (Sometimes called 'Ki Aikido'). I remember one autumn Sunday morning when I had only recently started, sitting seiza in the dojo, the instructor reading from the shoku-shu (book of sayings and readings), "The Universe is a limitless circle with a limitless radius. This condensed becomes the one-point in the lower abdomen which is the centre of the Universe".......I was hooked.

Later exploration revealed to me that Koichi Tohei, the student of O Sensei who went farthest in exploring the ki (氣) aspect of aikido and founder of ki aikido, didn't simply come up with the system by himself, but in addition to intensive training in Zen meditation and the ascetic misogi practices of Ichikukai, started by the Zen master and swordsman Yamaoka Tesshu, inherited a lot of his knowledge from Nakamura Tempu, the Japanese espionage agent who, after contracting tuberculosis travelled the world in search of a cure, obtaining a medical degree in the process and finally winding up in the Himalayas, practicing raja yoga under the semi-mythical guru Kariappa. Tempu on returning to Japan, eventually went on to formulate the system he called shin shin toitsu do. (The way of mind-body unification, sometimes called 'Japanese yoga'). Tohei Sensei was a student of this system, which enabled him to understand and put into practice what he was learning under O Sensei as a student of aikido. 

Tohei eventually went on to start his own organisation promoting shin shin toitsu aikido (aikido with mind-body unification), a merging of the two systems, essentially aikido with raja yoga and misogi training built in. In this system, students practice aikido, and in a parallel track practice shin shin toitsu do. The two systems are tested together, for example you have to pass sets of ki tests at 5th, 3rd and 1st kyu in order to be allowed to test for the relevant aikido grades. This also continues up through the dan (black belt) grades. 

Throughout my own A.'.A.'. path, ki aikido has been a constant companion. My Zelator exams were passed by virtue of the mind-body unification practices taught in the dojo up to sho-kyu (5th kyu aikido), and having recently passed my shodan exam, 9 years after starting, you could say that the art is central to my path. While it is not necessary for A.'.A.'. students to enroll in their local aikido club, It is without reservation that I would recommend such training as a viable and robust training system which meets, and in most instances surpasses the testing requirements of the 2=9 and 3=8 grades, with higher level training even meeting the requirements of dhyana for a Dominus Liminus. The A.'.A.'. path is largely solitary, and one thing lacking I feel is adequate testing. Students could be doing the wrong thing, having bad posture or incorrect breathing, potentially for years without correction, going on to pass these mistakes on to subsequent students. 

While I can't speak of other arts, in ki aikido, asana and pranayama are taught and tested right from the start. You can't progress through the early grades without demonstrating proficiency, and this continues through the higher levels. Most aikido techniques don't work without these fundamentals in place and the uncoordinated practitioner is left with only a hollow shell of the art, which without proper coordination is just an inferior, dance-like form of ju-jutsu. Successful aikido implies successful yoga. The learning and practice of kata (forms) and waza (techniques) requires intense Dharana (concentration) and dhyana (unification) training, leading the aspirant naturally to a unified state required of the A.'.A.'. initiate up to and beyond the adeptus minor level.

Some A.'.A.'. instructors may refuse such things, insisting on using Liber E as the basis of training. That is their prerogative, but personally, if a student goes through a rigourous system like this, which specifically teaches and tests in the requirements of the A.'.A.'., albeit under a different format, I would have no problem with accepting this as evidence for the relevant grades. My yardstick in such matters in not so much adherence to form for it's own sake, but simply practicality, does it get the required results?

Of course there are a lot of other requirements for an A.'.A.'. aspirant, the system is extensive and each must be armed at all points, both for their own training and for teaching others, which is a key part of the system. I consider that yoga is core practice, yet sadly degraded and downplayed by many students who are more interested in other aspects of the system that are more obviously 'occult', while the difficult, rigourous and often unnoticed disciplines of yoga, and their fruits, are forgotten on the bookshelf.

Love is the law, love under will.

When it gets uncomfortable

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

November is here and winter is breathing his cold winds. It is a few degrees above freezing in my apartment when I wake up and there is little I would like more than to lay in bed. Various things are coming up that make it harder to settle down into meditation or any sort of formal practice. Today I have an important pre-test for aikido, in which the senior instructor will determine if we are ready to progress to the next grade and thus be allowed to participate in the formal examination. I have a piece of writing that was five years in the making, winnowed down to a mere six pages in the hope that a publisher will see fit to allow it to go to peer review. The outcome of this, whether I can get a first author publication, will determine the direction of my career and I have to stop myself from constantly checking for updates. A recent health check requires me to have an issue examined further, and while probably nothing there is always the spectre of potential complications. Don't even get me started on the state of the world, politics, the environment.

I know full well that a meditation instructor would probably say, 'just sit'. And I do just sit, but it's not comfortable. after a few minutes I notice the mind has wandered off into speculations, daydreams, playing out worst and best case scenarios. Gone are the physical issues with meditation, years since. After meditating fairly solidly for nearly 10 years now the body quickly settles into zazen mode, itches and aches quickly subside into the background. It's as if the body knows this cross legged posture and knows that it means to relax, to melt into the cushion, spine strait, muscles lengthened, just rest. Still occasionally there are times when just sitting is the hardest thing. The mind is also usually fairly good at this game. Once the slow, tidal ebb and flow of the breath starts, the gentle counting from 1 to 10, a well worn groove, a well trodden synaptic pathway which time and repetition have reinforced to the point where it can quickly dominate the awareness.

Yet still, occasionally, mornings like this. The sense of so many things pending. Short term and long term goals just around the corner, success or failure. Doors closing and opening. In a way this is always going on, although there are crux points where it all seems to converge. It is at these points, where 'just sitting' becomes most important, that it becomes most difficult. At such times all we can do is redouble our determination. Go out for a walk or something, find ways to alleviate excess stress, avoid falling into cyclic internal dialogues or fruitless speculation. In practical terms, do all we can, practice what can be practices, send off that application, submit that paper, attend to your health. But finally, the results are out of our hands. The secret of magic is to perform the ritual and then forget it, go on with life, trust it, and know that in the greater scheme of things it doesn't really matter. There is nothing left to do but sit.

Love is the law, love under will.

Simplicity and regularity in daily practice

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The idea to write this entry came to me this morning, as I thought it would give a glimpse into the simplicity and regularity which has become a staple of my life in recent years, to show that despite the complexities of the A.'.A.'. as a system, at some point all that gives way to something quite different, if the initiate in question is constituted that way at least.

All the way through the Outer College grades I worked hard at each task, spending hours on it most days, memorising texts and readings, writing and performing complex rituals and trying my best to stick to a rigid routine of ceremonial and Raja Yoga based meditation, and I don't mind saying that it was an uphill slog that took years to complete. I rarely do anything like that now, and quite possibly the most outwardly occult thing I get up to is daily meditation, which I like to make more or less formal.

(Frater Pertinax in zazen)

Daily routine

I usually first stir around 4 or 5 in the morning, depending on the time of year. I get up, have a wash, make a cup of tea, before putting on the robe and settling down into zazen. My method is simple, a four-fold breath for perhaps 5 minutes, perhaps 4 or 5 seconds for each inhalation, exhalation and pause between the two. After the body has relaxed and the mind quietened down I will then count the inbreaths through the nose in cycles of ten breaths, usually between 3 and 5 sets, taking anything between 10 and 30 minutes, although I am not strict about this. The first few cycles I focus my attention on counting the inbreaths, feeling the cool of the breath on the inhalation, and may then switch to a focus on the outbreath for the final couple of cycles. By that time the mind and body are nicely unified and relaxed, I am wide awake and utterly calm. I usually finish up with the first sip of tea (just out of shot).

Following this, most recently my routine has been to perform a star ruby (Liber XXV), and Liber Resh, and may then read for a while, often one or another Holy Book; perhaps the Thelemic canon, Hindu or Buddhist, even Christian texts, usually the more mystical ones and I also enjoyed reading from the desert fathers recently so occasionally dip in to the sayings and stories of those old hermits.

Once the body has warmed up I will do some exercise, single person exercises for Aikido, some Tai chi (Yang style). If the weather is mild I will head outside for this, but often I will practice indoors. These are really moving Yoga so can be regarded as an extension of meditation.

Following that, breakfast, another cup of tea, checking the news, emails etc., and getting ready for work. I try to maintain a meditative and attentive attitude throughout the day, for which Aikido and Resh are perhaps the most useful tools for regular re-centering and focus.

In the evenings things are pretty normal, a couple of days per week I might go out to the park with wooden weapons and practice sword and staff (bokken and jo) forms for an hour, maybe more Tai chi, before coming in to make dinner and probably watch something on Netflix or Youtube, I prefer a good horror film, albeit the supernatural, creepy kind rather than slashers which I don't see the point of. I will also make time through the day to study, play violin or engage in either vocation or hobby related activities. I may have a drink or two on the weekend, or rarely during the week and very rarely to inebriation, I find it best to be moderate about this.

The day is usually finished with a walk in the evening, around sunset, more meditation, reading for leisure before bed at about 8 or 9 at night. As for diary entries, I reserve this for occasional reflections on the path or for interesting turns of events. Mostly daily life is quiet, rhythmic, uneventful, and not worth writing about so I may go weeks between entries. I am not looking for 'results' from my practice, I do it these days only because it is in my nature to do so, and not in order to obtain some result. My main 'task' at the moment is the harmonising of the gunas, and this kind of quiet, focused life suits that aim well enough. Meditation has become like brushing my teeth, it's just something I do in the mornings and I don't feel quite right until I've sat, even for a short period.

The key here I find is regularity, harmony and rhythm, as a car runs best on a smooth road with a measured hand steering, so in life, no impatient revving, pumping the brakes, or other disruptive behaviour from the driver, and as much as possible a clear road and clean windscreen. 

I don't have much in the way of rules, mostly it is just a case of being natural. One rule however is that I don't use any sort of social media between 6pm and 6 am, and don't use any internet at all after about 9pm. This means that the night hours up until dawn are hours of silence, rest and reflection. Before I instigated this I found it was much too easy to disrupt the silence and recollection by checking for messages or emails. Anything from the world that I feel has no place in contemplation and should be limited to the hours of normal human interaction. The result here is that rather than automatically going online and getting lost for hours scrolling through inane material, which was sometimes a problem before, I now simply get up and get on with the morning routine. Once my morning meditation is done, then I allow myself other pastimes.

And there it is, utterly mundane and stripped of all mystical pretense. No grand mystical experiences, no ecstasies or visions, no astral work and no profound spiritual insight, and I am not writing books on occultism or teaching. I just sit on my mat and breath, or else get on with my life in as quiet a way as possible. So, what's the point you might ask? Now there's a secret I don't quite know how to articulate.

Love is the law, love under will.

 

Results magic

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

In this post I want to talk a little on an aspect of the work that I don't really give much attention to. Eagle eyed readers will have noticed that in my title I have (mis)-spelled 'magic'. leaving out the k in Magick. There is a simple reason for this, to me, results magick is not the same thing as Magick. Some will doubtless disagree with this, or misunderstand what I mean, which is perfectly ok. But this is my opinion based on my experience over the last nearly 30 years of messing around with both magic and Magick, and I seek only to express rather than persuade.

My very first experiments at spells were probably at the age of about 10 or 11, when I recall finding a small booklet of spells for an old AMIGA game (not old back then in the early 1990's) of the sword and sorcery type. It had various spoken spells to make it rain, light fires, and other things that I forget. I remember shouting these simple bi-syllabic words at the heavens with my brother, and appearing to have some success in which we both marveled at the apparent power were had tapped, although looking back it was just as likely coincidence and I don't regard this as a result as such. This probably piqued my interest in the occult. Later, on discovering Wicca at about 13, whilst charms and spells are all part of that system, I cannot say I had any real success with them. I remember being a love lorn teenager petitioning the Goddess to make the girl I was in love with reciprocate, which she did after a fashion but not as I wanted, which in hindsight is just as well for both of us. In any case even at that point I had the sense that these things were really only window dressing and not really what the system was about. There was the Goddess and the horned God behind it all, quietly ruling over nature. Wicca has a distinctly religious aspect of the animistic type and somehow messing around with poppets to gain love or money seemed a bit vacuous compared to the great tides of nature. 

Crowley was at pains to separate his system of Magick from the parlour tricks kind of magic that we call results magic, or low magic. That's not to say that one should not ever do results magic, but that it should always be results "Magick". This is to say, that it should be in line with ones True Will. To paraphrase from memory, any other sort of magic (other than the Great Work) tends towards black magic, and to deliberately work towards anything other than the Great Work is black magick by definition. Of course, this means that the first and foremost task of the magician should be the that of discerning the True Will, which in the A.'.A.'. system stats with the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel, although we need not confine ourselves to that label.

I spend a fair amount of time using the internet and haunt a few occult, spirituality and Thelema based groups and forums. I often see posters asking for a spell for this, a charm for that, or advice on how to summon some demon from the Goetia. I've even seen people asking how to invoke the Virgin Mary and Christ! These people want spirits, up to and including God himself to manipulate reality on their behalf in order to obtain some secular end that they have been unable to secure for themselves. If God doesn't perform as they ask, they ask Satan or his demons. Others will try to use spells to effect changes in society, make politicians see sense or influence the ruling of high-court judges, and while these desires may be laudable in themselves, only a Magister can really claim to understand the universe, only a Magus has the Wisdom, and for the rest of us the use of magic to effect such things is I think presumption at best. Only one time have I managed to raise a significant amount of energy using results magic, for a protective spell for a friend going to a dangerous part of the world. The result was a backfire, resulting in a near mental collapse on my part and a withdrawal from the occult lasting several years, and however well intentioned my efforts I clearly didn't understand what I was dealing with. Far better to keep things on their respective planes, if you want a better world, work towards it in the usual, pragmatic way, but first, work on yourself, to quote Gandhi: 

“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”

The use of results magic to enact changes to the external world may be labelled as 'spiritual', but in my opinion there is nothing spiritual about it, it is entirely secular in its methods and objectives, and stems from the view of magical powers as a sort of supernatural Swiss Army knife to obtain ends more or less arbitrarily, with no consideration as to whether such things are proper to their nature or to the course of events. In fact, such people don't care about their real nature, their True Will, and are in reality only a collection of wants, justified with one or other label of spirituality.

As I have gone on in life, and with initiation, I have found more and more that I cannot perform even the simplest results magic, such is not in line with my Will. I understand the technical methods, and could probably put together a recipe for such a working well enough, but I lack to energy, the drive, the will to pull it off. On the other hand, not long ago I performed a working using four sigils for four spirits which I evoked directly as part of my current grade work. This was a directly willed task related to and supporting the ultimate end of the work of an Initiate, and instead of the halting, forced and artificial atmosphere of results magic, this was profound, intuitive, simple and effective, and entirely in line with the above quote, in that the subject of the required change was myself, to better express the universal will, not vice-versa. The results started almost immediately and those four forces, which had always been active in my life, now being named and recognised became much more obvious, and thus easier to control, which was the intent of the working. This has led to greater self-awareness and control in my daily life on the one hand, and unexpectedly, greater peace, trust and equanimity in my interior life. A deeper silence has opened up beyond the silencing of the internal dialogue, as a stream opens to a deeper lake, so the superficial silence of interior words has given way to a deeper interior quietude beyond a simple absence of words. 

The reason for this difference is clear enough I think. Results magic is based on exterior wants, the desires of the senses, it is focused on secular ends, on that which arises and passes away. Magick conducted as part of the Great Work, under the direction of ones Holy Guardian Angel, is interior, spiritual, of universal scope whilst also being entirely human and in harmony with our basic nature. The effects on ones outer life are not arbitrary, but are the result of a greater harmonising of the outer and the inner. Another way to put this would be to say that when what you really want is in harmony with the Tao, when ones personal life is in sync with the way of the universal, the True Will, or the Will of God, then magick becomes a natural expression of life rather than a device for fulfilling wishes, and the magician is then no longer a mere 'occultist', but a magician in the true sense, a being more powerful and yet simpler than the pseudo-spiritual type of occultist who wears his spirituality as a sort of posture. Nothing can stop you when you have the momentum of the universe behind you! 

Love is the law, love under will.