Simplicity and regularity in daily practice

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The idea to write this entry came to me this morning, as I thought it would give a glimpse into the simplicity and regularity which has become a staple of my life in recent years, to show that despite the complexities of the A.'.A.'. as a system, at some point all that gives way to something quite different, if the initiate in question is constituted that way at least.

All the way through the Outer College grades I worked hard at each task, spending hours on it most days, memorising texts and readings, writing and performing complex rituals and trying my best to stick to a rigid routine of ceremonial and Raja Yoga based meditation, and I don't mind saying that it was an uphill slog that took years to complete. I rarely do anything like that now, and quite possibly the most outwardly occult thing I get up to is daily meditation, which I like to make more or less formal.

(Frater Pertinax in zazen)

Daily routine

I usually first stir around 4 or 5 in the morning, depending on the time of year. I get up, have a wash, make a cup of tea, before putting on the robe and settling down into zazen. My method is simple, a four-fold breath for perhaps 5 minutes, perhaps 4 or 5 seconds for each inhalation, exhalation and pause between the two. After the body has relaxed and the mind quietened down I will then count the inbreaths through the nose in cycles of ten breaths, usually between 3 and 5 sets, taking anything between 10 and 30 minutes, although I am not strict about this. The first few cycles I focus my attention on counting the inbreaths, feeling the cool of the breath on the inhalation, and may then switch to a focus on the outbreath for the final couple of cycles. By that time the mind and body are nicely unified and relaxed, I am wide awake and utterly calm. I usually finish up with the first sip of tea (just out of shot).

Following this, most recently my routine has been to perform a star ruby (Liber XXV), and Liber Resh, and may then read for a while, often one or another Holy Book; perhaps the Thelemic canon, Hindu or Buddhist, even Christian texts, usually the more mystical ones and I also enjoyed reading from the desert fathers recently so occasionally dip in to the sayings and stories of those old hermits.

Once the body has warmed up I will do some exercise, single person exercises for Aikido, some Tai chi (Yang style). If the weather is mild I will head outside for this, but often I will practice indoors. These are really moving Yoga so can be regarded as an extension of meditation.

Following that, breakfast, another cup of tea, checking the news, emails etc., and getting ready for work. I try to maintain a meditative and attentive attitude throughout the day, for which Aikido and Resh are perhaps the most useful tools for regular re-centering and focus.

In the evenings things are pretty normal, a couple of days per week I might go out to the park with wooden weapons and practice sword and staff (bokken and jo) forms for an hour, maybe more Tai chi, before coming in to make dinner and probably watch something on Netflix or Youtube, I prefer a good horror film, albeit the supernatural, creepy kind rather than slashers which I don't see the point of. I will also make time through the day to study, play violin or engage in either vocation or hobby related activities. I may have a drink or two on the weekend, or rarely during the week and very rarely to inebriation, I find it best to be moderate about this.

The day is usually finished with a walk in the evening, around sunset, more meditation, reading for leisure before bed at about 8 or 9 at night. As for diary entries, I reserve this for occasional reflections on the path or for interesting turns of events. Mostly daily life is quiet, rhythmic, uneventful, and not worth writing about so I may go weeks between entries. I am not looking for 'results' from my practice, I do it these days only because it is in my nature to do so, and not in order to obtain some result. My main 'task' at the moment is the harmonising of the gunas, and this kind of quiet, focused life suits that aim well enough. Meditation has become like brushing my teeth, it's just something I do in the mornings and I don't feel quite right until I've sat, even for a short period.

The key here I find is regularity, harmony and rhythm, as a car runs best on a smooth road with a measured hand steering, so in life, no impatient revving, pumping the brakes, or other disruptive behaviour from the driver, and as much as possible a clear road and clean windscreen. 

I don't have much in the way of rules, mostly it is just a case of being natural. One rule however is that I don't use any sort of social media between 6pm and 6 am, and don't use any internet at all after about 9pm. This means that the night hours up until dawn are hours of silence, rest and reflection. Before I instigated this I found it was much too easy to disrupt the silence and recollection by checking for messages or emails. Anything from the world that I feel has no place in contemplation and should be limited to the hours of normal human interaction. The result here is that rather than automatically going online and getting lost for hours scrolling through inane material, which was sometimes a problem before, I now simply get up and get on with the morning routine. Once my morning meditation is done, then I allow myself other pastimes.

And there it is, utterly mundane and stripped of all mystical pretense. No grand mystical experiences, no ecstasies or visions, no astral work and no profound spiritual insight, and I am not writing books on occultism or teaching. I just sit on my mat and breath, or else get on with my life in as quiet a way as possible. So, what's the point you might ask? Now there's a secret I don't quite know how to articulate.

Love is the law, love under will.

 

Results magic

 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

In this post I want to talk a little on an aspect of the work that I don't really give much attention to. Eagle eyed readers will have noticed that in my title I have (mis)-spelled 'magic'. leaving out the k in Magick. There is a simple reason for this, to me, results magick is not the same thing as Magick. Some will doubtless disagree with this, or misunderstand what I mean, which is perfectly ok. But this is my opinion based on my experience over the last nearly 30 years of messing around with both magic and Magick, and I seek only to express rather than persuade.

My very first experiments at spells were probably at the age of about 10 or 11, when I recall finding a small booklet of spells for an old AMIGA game (not old back then in the early 1990's) of the sword and sorcery type. It had various spoken spells to make it rain, light fires, and other things that I forget. I remember shouting these simple bi-syllabic words at the heavens with my brother, and appearing to have some success in which we both marveled at the apparent power were had tapped, although looking back it was just as likely coincidence and I don't regard this as a result as such. This probably piqued my interest in the occult. Later, on discovering Wicca at about 13, whilst charms and spells are all part of that system, I cannot say I had any real success with them. I remember being a love lorn teenager petitioning the Goddess to make the girl I was in love with reciprocate, which she did after a fashion but not as I wanted, which in hindsight is just as well for both of us. In any case even at that point I had the sense that these things were really only window dressing and not really what the system was about. There was the Goddess and the horned God behind it all, quietly ruling over nature. Wicca has a distinctly religious aspect of the animistic type and somehow messing around with poppets to gain love or money seemed a bit vacuous compared to the great tides of nature. 

Crowley was at pains to separate his system of Magick from the parlour tricks kind of magic that we call results magic, or low magic. That's not to say that one should not ever do results magic, but that it should always be results "Magick". This is to say, that it should be in line with ones True Will. To paraphrase from memory, any other sort of magic (other than the Great Work) tends towards black magic, and to deliberately work towards anything other than the Great Work is black magick by definition. Of course, this means that the first and foremost task of the magician should be the that of discerning the True Will, which in the A.'.A.'. system stats with the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel, although we need not confine ourselves to that label.

I spend a fair amount of time using the internet and haunt a few occult, spirituality and Thelema based groups and forums. I often see posters asking for a spell for this, a charm for that, or advice on how to summon some demon from the Goetia. I've even seen people asking how to invoke the Virgin Mary and Christ! These people want spirits, up to and including God himself to manipulate reality on their behalf in order to obtain some secular end that they have been unable to secure for themselves. If God doesn't perform as they ask, they ask Satan or his demons. Others will try to use spells to effect changes in society, make politicians see sense or influence the ruling of high-court judges, and while these desires may be laudable in themselves, only a Magister can really claim to understand the universe, only a Magus has the Wisdom, and for the rest of us the use of magic to effect such things is I think presumption at best. Only one time have I managed to raise a significant amount of energy using results magic, for a protective spell for a friend going to a dangerous part of the world. The result was a backfire, resulting in a near mental collapse on my part and a withdrawal from the occult lasting several years, and however well intentioned my efforts I clearly didn't understand what I was dealing with. Far better to keep things on their respective planes, if you want a better world, work towards it in the usual, pragmatic way, but first, work on yourself, to quote Gandhi: 

“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”

The use of results magic to enact changes to the external world may be labelled as 'spiritual', but in my opinion there is nothing spiritual about it, it is entirely secular in its methods and objectives, and stems from the view of magical powers as a sort of supernatural Swiss Army knife to obtain ends more or less arbitrarily, with no consideration as to whether such things are proper to their nature or to the course of events. In fact, such people don't care about their real nature, their True Will, and are in reality only a collection of wants, justified with one or other label of spirituality.

As I have gone on in life, and with initiation, I have found more and more that I cannot perform even the simplest results magic, such is not in line with my Will. I understand the technical methods, and could probably put together a recipe for such a working well enough, but I lack to energy, the drive, the will to pull it off. On the other hand, not long ago I performed a working using four sigils for four spirits which I evoked directly as part of my current grade work. This was a directly willed task related to and supporting the ultimate end of the work of an Initiate, and instead of the halting, forced and artificial atmosphere of results magic, this was profound, intuitive, simple and effective, and entirely in line with the above quote, in that the subject of the required change was myself, to better express the universal will, not vice-versa. The results started almost immediately and those four forces, which had always been active in my life, now being named and recognised became much more obvious, and thus easier to control, which was the intent of the working. This has led to greater self-awareness and control in my daily life on the one hand, and unexpectedly, greater peace, trust and equanimity in my interior life. A deeper silence has opened up beyond the silencing of the internal dialogue, as a stream opens to a deeper lake, so the superficial silence of interior words has given way to a deeper interior quietude beyond a simple absence of words. 

The reason for this difference is clear enough I think. Results magic is based on exterior wants, the desires of the senses, it is focused on secular ends, on that which arises and passes away. Magick conducted as part of the Great Work, under the direction of ones Holy Guardian Angel, is interior, spiritual, of universal scope whilst also being entirely human and in harmony with our basic nature. The effects on ones outer life are not arbitrary, but are the result of a greater harmonising of the outer and the inner. Another way to put this would be to say that when what you really want is in harmony with the Tao, when ones personal life is in sync with the way of the universal, the True Will, or the Will of God, then magick becomes a natural expression of life rather than a device for fulfilling wishes, and the magician is then no longer a mere 'occultist', but a magician in the true sense, a being more powerful and yet simpler than the pseudo-spiritual type of occultist who wears his spirituality as a sort of posture. Nothing can stop you when you have the momentum of the universe behind you! 

Love is the law, love under will.

 

Inner Order Grades 1: Adeptus Minor 5=6

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The grade of Adeptus Minor is both the heart of the Great Work and the Heart of the tree of life. It is the summit of the Outer College grades and the focus towards which the aspirant has been aiming all through the preceding work. To get here she will have endured challenges on the physical, mental and emotional planes, have been proven time and again, and finally admitted, after a period of close scrutiny as an Dominus Liminus, to the grade of Adeptus Minor without. 

In truth, this is the furthest anybody can directly lead another, and all subsequent grades must be claimed by the aspirant as part of her ongoing work as a member of the Order of the Rose Cross. While grade papers do exist for these grades, they were written post-Crowley by an unknown successor and are not strictly necessary for advancement, which is not formal, but actual. 

This grade is situated in Tiphareth, the central point of the whole Tree of Life system. In terms of initiation this central point is the apex of the pyramid formed by the four grades of the Outer College, just as a pyramid was constructed by the Neophyte from the four powers of the Sphinx. This pyramid represents the alignment of four aspects of his being in Yetzirah, being the physical, emotional, intellectual, and socio/sexual aspects of the adepts exterior person, harmonised during the period as a Dominus Liminus, precipitating the dawning of the light of the Rosy Cross. 

Adeptus Minor (Without)

There is no set ritual to admit to the grade, although there are guidelines and the oath paper as per previous grades. Formally speaking the Adeptus Minor wears the robe of a Probationer, but with one important difference; within the pentagram on the breast is a symbol, which can vary between Adepti, but which will sum up the attainment of that Adept. I had though that this was a personal adaptation of my own, but began to notice that others were doing the same, thing, so I suppose some traditions arise naturally. My choice is a burning heart girt with a serpent, familiar from readers of Liber LXV. My take is to leave the choice of symbol, or no symbol at all, up to each initiate.

The Adeptus Minor has a single task, to "attain the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel". There are any number of options that the adept may use to complete her task. Liber Samekh can and has been used both as it is and adapted to suit the individual, which is what I did. The call of the 8th Aethyr provides another model, a streamlined version of the Abramelin ritual that only takes half the time to complete. But these are all really fingers pointing at the moon, certainly useful, they create the right mood in the Adept, but they themselves will not cause the Knowledge and Conversation. The thing is, and this should have been apparent for some time, the Adept cannot decide exactly when and where Knowledge and Conversation will take place, you can't simply will it into existence as if you could pull yourself up by your bootstraps! This seems to be a truism in all systems of attainment, and while the aspirant has been in relative control of her advancement through the previous grades, which were really a series of tasks that she could complete in sequence, entrance to Tiphareth is not something that can be forced. You can set the scene, light the incense, put on the soft music, but you cannot force the Holy Guardian Angel to pay you a visit, you cannot force success. There is every chance that the adept will not know success when he sees it if he thinks of it in terms of baking a cake, a little salt here, a dash of Abramelin oil, repeating barbarous words day in day out until like the postman, one's Holy Guardian Angel makes an entrance and solves all of one's problems, telling you to go write a book or start a new religion. Such thinking is doomed to failure. This step requires a different approach, a different mindset entirely, one of grace and a great deal of humility.

All through the Outer College grades, the magician has taken an active role, worked his way up the tree of life, accepted challenges and braved ordeals. He got here largely through grit and determination and by now will be a well honed and disciplined individual. But now, all that is done with, a switch has to occur. Instead of the masculine role, the feminine must be assumed. This is what is meant when it is said that the Holy Guardian Angel is always male. Biological gender here is immaterial, we are not dealing with biological matters, but spiritual ones, and here more than ever the magician must become mystic. The active must become receptive, a sense of Holy expectancy pervades the life of the Adept. For this reason, I tend to regard those who insist that their Angel is female, usually young men, as fantasists mistaking their fetish for illumination.

So, the Adept must set the scene, prepare themselves, truly make themselves fit, and then......wait, and watch. In a way the description of this stage as a sort of marriage is misleading. This waiting cannot be the impatient waiting of a bride for her groom. In a sense it is not even waiting for anything in particular, since such a psychological stance like a cat awaiting the mouse, or a runner awaiting the pistol shot, would create intolerable tension and soon tire. Boredom sets in, and with it stagnation.

Instead life goes on. The adept knows that she is waiting, and what she is waiting for, and thus vigilant awareness is required. Along with this, perhaps for the first time in years, there is nothing else to do, and aside from the routine of the operation and whatever ritual or practices this might involve, life takes on a very ordinary aspect. The adept is a very different person to Probationer who entered the Outer College, perhaps years before: the star in sight is overhead, a sense of knowing is there that was absent before; trust, faith even. Not the faith of 'belief in things which we know to be untrue' of the cynic, but the living faith of one who knows that dawn is approaching, and that the glimmer of pink on the horizon will soon bloom into the first golden rays of dawn.

Adeptus Minor (Within)

Descriptions of the Knowledge and Conversation experience vary. Some are poetic in expression, ecstatic even, while others are more reserved, but they are notable for their paucity, leading to the common conception that it only happened to Crowley, and perhaps a handful of others. I don't know whether this paucity is because the event is rare, or because it is so personal, and people don't want to put their experience on display for fear that somebody will come along and tell them they are dreaming. I propose a third option, that of embarrassment! A light show was expected, flashing words writ across the sky and a voice of thunder declaring the True Will to the enraptured Adept. Quite the opposite seems to be the case. The Adept may even think she has failed, and it may take a while to realise that anything has changed, because in a certain sense, nothing has changed, the Knowledge and Conversation was there all along.

The Adept will have already had the 'Vision of Adonai', and will notice the difference. In my case the vision consisted of waking up one morning to light inside myself, brighter than the light of the sun when I opened my eyes, and a clear, lucid consciousness that what I was waiting for (as a Neophyte at that point) had occurred. The result of this was fresh confidence based on the knowledge that there was something to all of this business of attainment, and the long term effect was a kind of confirmation of the path, which is why, I believe, that a Zelator (2=9) is considered to be on the path for life, whether they like it or not. Reports vary, and it has been described as a 'kiss' of the angel, but I am not an emotional type, and there was no sense of love or eroticism, simply light and awareness that the source of that light was the very heart of my being.

The key difference between this and the Knowledge and Conversation, is the aspect of communication. While one effect of the K&C is the continued purification and refinement the lower sephirah, the real benefit is that inner certainty, trust in life, that even while I don't understand it, and sometimes it is unpleasant, there is a process going on which I am a part of, and that part is ultimately worth it, even though the why is beyond my comprehension. This is Knowledge. While the vision assured me that I was on the right track, the K&C gave specific marching orders, a path which I was to take in life, nothing beyond the realms of probability, no earth shattering revelation of things I'd never considered, but acts that I'd put off for years through fear of failure and a desire to be sensible, to do the right thing in the eyes of others, all of which doubts have since been kicked into the long grass. That was five years ago now and I have followed out the task as given almost to its completion. Not that I think that is an end to it, simply that I have no idea what comes next, and I don't need to know. The path continues.

Some thoughts on the nature of the Holy Guardian Angel: the Holy Guardian Angel is not 'a being', it is being itself, intuited in the mind of Man, and thus taking the form of that mind. However this is illusion, as it must be as an Atziluthic force descending into Briatic, archetypal consciousness with only the vaguest expression in the Yetziratic, astral plane. The Knowledge and Conversation is not an event in time, like a conversation with a person, it is ongoing conversation and communion with pure being. I have read descriptions of flashing lights and unearthly visions, rapture and ecstasy, but I tend to view such descriptions with a degree of scepticism, they are too flowery, they try too hard to make something special out of it, they are full of astral 'noise', the emotional and intellectual content of the perceiver, and to my mind this detracts from the utter simplicity of the event. I am inclined to the opinion that the shock of a vision is in inverse proportion to the readiness of the recipient, as a stone dropped perfectly into a pool leaves no ripple, so the final union is consummated in silence.

Love is the law, love under will.

Knowledge and Conversation is only the beginning

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The A.'.A.'. path from Neophyte to Adeptus Minor is a long slog. The amount of time, dedication and study required, the tests needing to be sat, the diaries written and submitted, and the plethora of other ancillary tasks to be completed is truly daunting, and many people seem to just get stuck chugging away at one or another grade for years at a time, never mind the ordeals. However, what people fail to realise is that all of this is preparatory and should probably take no more than five or six years. 

Now, I enjoyed my Outer College years immensely. Never in my life had I so systematically studied and practiced the magical and mystical arts. However, once you get to the Inner College you realise that this was all just practice and preparation, essential groundwork but still only preliminary. The Outer College curriculum is designed on one hand to begin working on breaking down mental, emotional and physical limitations, and to give the individual a full suite of techniques to meet any circumstances, a veritable Swiss army knife of occult knowledge, on the other. It has to be like this since as the aspirant has not yet attained knowledge and conversation he has no real idea of what he is and what he should be doing, and so he is trained as comprehensively as possible in all of the classes of methods of attainment. 

It all changes at the Adeptus Minor grade (without). While as an adept in the A.'.A.'. he must be armed at all points, he will now be in a position to select the most suitable tools for his particular job. At the same time his knowledge puts him in a position to teach others. This is essential because one key component of A.'.A.'. membership is the will to teach. Even if, of all the tools available, he himself only requires one or two fine tuned to his own needs, he still has to be able to offer instruction and testing in the full curriculum of the Holy Order if he is to authentically claim his grade.

The Adeptus Minor (within), having attained to the knowledge and conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel, and newly awake to briatic consciousness, has received his marching orders so to speak. A new sense of purpose awakens in him, and although he may not know the ultimate goal of his orders, he knows where to start and intuitively begins the necessary adjustments. If the Outer College is like the private soldier receiving his basic training (an extremely thorough training I might add), and the Adeptus Minor (without) is his commission, this next stage (5=6 within) is akin to his receiving orders from high command (K&C), via the path of Gimel. He may not know the overall strategic mechanism in play and can only guess at his ultimate role in the operation, but he at least knows what to do next and has the necessary tools and training to do so.

While 5=6 may entail a period of repose, it typically shifts gear quite quickly. It is this switch from knowledge to action that constitutes the shift from 5=6 to 6=5. Without trying to cover every detail of either grade, the Adeptus Major not only has his orders, but is actively implementing them, even though he may not know the full meaning of his acts. This is what is meant when it says (One star in sight) that the 6=5 has full magical power, but without comprehension. If will stops and asks why, etc.....he does not need to ask, but he must act, he must follow his orders, the will of his angel.

The Adeptus Exemptus is a much more complete individual. Having learned to discern the will of his angel (5=6), he was given command and told to act (6=5), the act complete and, as is often the case, understanding his role in hindsight, he then comes to understand the deeper strategy, not just what the Angel requires, but what it means (7=4), he knows more fully who he is and what his place in the overall scheme of things is. The adept at this stage is one who has come into his own in life, the captain of his ship, the professor in his college, he then formulates his attainment in his thesis, and only then can he, understanding his role in the action, be in a position to firstly, accept the curse of the next step, and willingly walk into the abyss. He can only offer all that he is to the cup of Babalon if he knows what that all consists of. Further than this, it is not just knowing what one has to offer, but the work and awareness attained in getting to this stage make the next step the only conceivable action when one's life is seen in its proper context in relation to the universal life. I would hazard to say (I'm not a 7=4), that anyone who cannot easily and definitely take this next step has not really attained to the maturity of this grade. If you are ready it's not a jump, but a step, a natural progression. If you are not ready nothing at all can force the issue and failure, possibly even insanity await those who presume to do so. The risk is not that the abyss is inherently dangerous, only that in failing to understand oneself the unprepared adept will not be able to make the jump, and if he insists that he has done so when he hasn't then all of his acts and words will be based on a false premise. This is by definition insanity.

We can see then that the Outer College grades are really preparatory for the step taken at 5=6, and of these the most important is probably the step up from 1=10 to 2=9, the step at which most people stop, unable to attain a genuine interior awareness they remain mere 'occultists', rather than magicians in any real sense. They may bring with them shifts of awareness that seem amazing to the magician traversing these grades for the first time. He will be tempted to hang around and enjoy the view, and this is fine in itself, each to their own. But the attainment of the Knowledge and Conversation is only the first real step. The Inner College grades are where the True Will of the Adept is carried out, where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. While success of any given 1=10 is anybody's guess, I would recommend, that each aspirant of the first yetziratic triad (2=9, 3=8, 4=7) makes every effort to complete their Outer College grade work as quickly as possible, without skipping any steps or skimming over anything, but not spending too much time procrastinating and trying to get everything perfect (since you are not an adept, how can you know what 'good enough' is, let along perfect?). Even once these things are done the operation to invoke the Holy Guardian Angel is still ahead, and beyond that, the Great Work awaits.

Love is the law, love under will. 

 

Meditation Demystified 2 (Pranayama)

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The second stage of raja yoga, is pranayama, which we often think of as 'breath control', but is really the control of the life force (prana). So while this practice starts with the breath, it is really the prana that is being manipulated, or better to say regulated, through the breath. Throughout the various oriental traditions of meditation and yoga are various approaches to this, each with their own theoretical models and concepts. The Taoist methods of Tai chi and Qi gong are good examples, particularly the latter, of pranayama, and I would recommend them as extracurricular activities. 

The most basic form of breathing exercise is simply watching the breath. Either just gently following it or counting to ten with each cycle. This method can itself lead to the highest results and to be completely honest little else is strictly necessary, with the caveat that this is true for a mind already well disposed and balanced, in a healthy body capable of relaxing fully. The rest of us have to work at this, and so we have the methods of Yoga.

Modern man (and probably historical man too) has a huge number of stresses and imbalances to work through before he can really get down to business. Not all of us are called to live in a monastery, and all of us have baggage, so auxiliary exercises are necessary to prepare the initiate for meditation. Once Asana has been established, the first of these is of course pranayama.

If we peruse Liber E, A.C. gives various methods and variations on breathing exercises that the student can try out. I won't repeat or comment on these individually except to say that the student should beware of letting this practice turn into a sort of competition to try to constantly slow the breath more and more. The breath naturally slows as the body relaxes, the muscles and circulatory system open up, the blood flows more efficiently, delivering oxygen and nutrients to every part of the body, and with it the flow of prana becomes both stronger and more even. If you try to force a tensed body to slow the breath you only suffocate it, and the sign that you are doing this is that after a few cycles you are gasping for breath.

In all things the breathing, while being ideally slow and deep, should be natural and in harmony with the state of the body. Crowley talks about automatic rigidity, but in my experience at least this is only a preliminary stage early in the practice of pranayama. After this a gradual and deep relaxation occurs, much like success in asana, with which this state is essentially identical. Once automatic rigidity is obtained it should immediately be relaxed. Rigidity is the body trying to hold on to something, and in meditation we really don't want to be holding on to anything. The breath should be natural and slow, in through the nose, out through the mouth, slowing to a point before you start to feel short of breath, so initially it might be quite rapid. I would aim for an inhalation of about 10 seconds, and inhalation of about 15 initially, shortening a little if you start to feel short of breath, but allowing the body to naturally relax with each exhalation until a sort of settle liveliness, not the dead relaxation of a rock, but the living relaxation that we can see in a cat at rest. 

You can also experiment with adding Kumbhakam (holding the breath) for short periods at the conclusion of either the inhalation or the exhalation. The two have different effects, although for relaxation I would recommend at the end of the exhalation where it can be held longest without strain. In the above suggested 10/15 cycle I would add perhaps 5 seconds to make 10/15/5, although you may well find that other cycles suit you better, so experiment, and listen to the body. Of course bodies differ, and even the same body will differ depending on a range of variables such as time of day, weather, stress levels and others. The job of the aspirant is to learn for herself which variables influence her practice and to adapt accordingly to maximise the benefits of the practice.  

In A.'.A.'. terms, the initiate must be able to hold to a cycle of pranayama for a given period of time, traditionally one hour. Personally I don't think this is necessary and have methods available to determine whether the results of pranayama have been obtained. The real results should be a deep relaxation, steadiness and great improvement of the quality of the asana, which before was measured rather bluntly by how long the Zelator could maintain it. At this point we really want to look for quality rather than quantity, since anyone with a bit of grit can endure an hour of sitting. In pranayama, only constant and intelligent practice will bring about the sort of relaxed steadiness that is required.

These methods are difficult to describe, so I won't go into detail, but in general the examiner will sit with the student for a period of time in asana, and the latter will then begin pranayama. The resulting relaxation should come fairly quickly, after less than a dozen cycles, after which the examiner can test by gently pressing the student while in the asana, while himself completely relaxed and centered, carefully sensing movements of the automatic reflexes for signs of tension or instability. Small tremors and movements will betray the slightest tension. Of course, knowing that he is being tested will tend to cause higher levels of tension and thus pronounced responses, but this is ok since it makes for a better test of the students steadiness and relaxed state.

As was implied earlier in this post. Pranayama isn't about the breath. The breath is just the method. What is really being trained is prana, which is to say the nervous system and the energy which flows through it, which, while invisible, is perceptible through its action in the body. Where body and mind are not unified and prana is not under control, it will tend to respond to all sorts of outside influences, particularly those administered by the examiner who knows exactly what to look for. If the students pranayama isn't resulting in greater levels of relaxation, both of mind and body, these impulses will remain beyond his control and thus beyond the scope of his will. If he cannot control these then he does not have control over himself, except in the crudest of terms. Will is still a matter of deliberate mentation, and not yet part of the students being 

Personally I wouldn't expect perfection in a Practicus, but I would expect a level of relaxation above that obtained by the same individual as a Zelator. While the testing itself could last only a few minutes I would be looking for signs that even if the prana is twitchy, the Practicus is aware of this and is able to respond appropriately, not by tensing, but by deepening her relaxation. 

Space here does not permit a full detailed examination of the methods I use, and in any case they are liable to be misinterpreted unless shown first hand, for which one to one contact is required. I am aware that these methods may appear rather idiosyncratic, but actually they are derived from Raja Yoga as practiced and taught by Japanese students over the last 80 years under the tutelage of Nakamura Tempu, an ex-Japanese Army spy operating in China in the 1930's, who later practiced Raja Yoga in the Himalayas before returning to Japan to teach it to some of the early Aikido instructors, themselves students of zen Buddhism and Ichikukai misogi training, and familiar with methods of meditation. I use these methods because they work, are devoid of metaphysical speculation, and with practice can be taught to and learned by anyone. I would not say however that these methods should be universal, individual instructors will have their own methods. In my case, when I was a Practicus my instructor offered no such testing, but since I was already undergoing training in pranayama and relaxation and being regularly tested as part of my Aikido training. She, being a martial artist and Yoga practitioner, recognised the validity of what I was doing and its applicability to the A.'.A.'. work, and passed me on those grounds, For this reason I employ the same methods. 

 Love is the law, love under will.

Meditation Demystified 1 (Asana)

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The training of the mind is central to the curriculum of the A.'.A.'. and can fit nicely into practically any spiritual tradition due to its non-sectarian, empirical nature. Crowley wrote extensively on the subject, and his 'Eight lecture on Yoga' is a classic that I think anyone wishing to take up the practice should acquire.

There is, as Crowley notes, more nonsense written about yoga, than about anything else in the world. I can only echo him when he states; "There is nothing mysterious and oriental about Yoga". I would venture that despite recognising this fact, he himself wrote a fair amount of nonsense on the topic, and going by an examination of Liber E seemed to regard yoga as a branch of athletics where the aim is to gradually deepen ones pranayama and lengthen the time spent in asana.

Having gone through these practices and also trained in another school of Raja Yoga I am pretty confident in stating that there is no goal to this practice; meditation is as useful as drinking wine and listening to Mozart. It serves no purpose, you won't get anything particularly useful out of it, you do it because you 'dig it', and Alan Watts puts it. Reality is an acquired taste and most of us are engaged in various forms of escapism much of the time. If your yoga practice is producing visions and strange effects then you are not in fact meditating, but in fact doing something else. 

It should be noted though that Liber E is really no more than an aid-memoir, and the student should really discuss methods with her supervisor who should be in a position to advise. I would also recommend enrolling in formal sessions of yoga or zazen, if these are available, since nothing beats first hand instruction. 

Meditation is central to the A.'.A.'. curriculum, so I want to address the topic in as simple a way as possible. While I have stated that meditation is useless, it is interesting. Just as our Mozart and wine connoisseur will learn to discern nuances and details inaccessible to the tyro, the meditator will also in time come to appreciate the movements of the mind in ways not apparent, and in this way acquaint himself both with the mind and with reality as it is in itself, and this constitutes illumination. 

While the Hindu tradition says a lot about Yoga that the practitioner can only confirm or deny by experience, I feel that it has the potential to be misleading. This is because it starts from a religious perspective, positing a definite doctrine and cosmology and expecting experiences to conform to this. For the A.'.A.'. student this may also be the case and he is liable to ascribe all sorts of meaning and mileposts to his 'results' based on a Thelemic understanding of things. Personally I prefer the zen approach, which does not assume anything or set definite goals, but proceeds empirically, is entirely observation based, and (in my opinion) better suited to the 'method of science', that the A.'.A.'. purports to teach. However, Crowley knew little of zen (at least he wrote little about it, if anything except indirectly when he discussed Taoism) and his Buddhism seems based largely on reports of 19th century commentators who interpreted it as a sort of nihilistic, world denying death cult. But that's a different topic, I digress...   

In this post I would like to outline my approach to meditation and yoga. I will not discuss here things like astral travelling or the spirit vision, which do not really relate to meditation and in fact serve the opposite purpose. Meditation is not about 'transcending' the real world. Nor is it about going on intense inner journeys or safaris in ones' own mind or on the astral planes. It is not about getting outside the body, talking with spirits or angels, and most definitely not about obtaining visions. While meditating these things, if they arise, should be considered breaches in the magicians circle. The Japanese word for them is Makyos, and they constitute the hallucinations and mental distortions that arise in the course of meditation. They can easily be mistaken for results by the inexperienced practitioner, but are best brushed aside. As a rule of thumb, the meditator should ignore anything that arises in his meditation.

While astral work and the rest are part of the A.'.A.'. curriculum, and necessary for formal progress in that system, they have the potential to do damage to the initiate, to 'loosen the girders of the soul', and are purposely destabilising. Meditation serves as a counter balance, a tether in ordinary life. This is why, immediately after the completion of the 1=10 grade, in which the aspirant is purposely shaking things loose, she is expected to step up her meditation practice and get well and truly grounded. The practices given for this are those of meditation, specifically Raja Yoga but other options are, in my opinion, perfectly fine.

1: Posture

The first thing that needs to be done is the stilling of the body. The practitioner wants to be able to think (or not think) without undue disturbance from the body, something that will be essential when she comes to tackle Pranayama and Dharana later on. The classic practice for this is Asana. A look at Liber E shows a range of postures, derived from classical sources. They all have their potential benefits and drawbacks. rather than go through each exhaustively I will discuss what I feel a good asana should consist of.

Crowley states that an Asana is that which is 'steady and easy'. It is then any posture that keeps the body upright, preferably with minimal external support, and allows for total relaxation. The spine should be upright and straight, and definitely not leaning on the back of a chair. The breathing should be totally unencumbered. I like to sit cross legged, but in such a way that the knees are not twisted, so full-lotus is out. Knee joints only have limited torsional strength, and once they give way they will always be weak, so a position in which they are neither twisted, nor hyper-extended is best. The Dragon, otherwise known circles as Seiza, can be useful if taught correctly, which it usually isn't. In the dragon posture, care must be taken to not slump back onto the heels and the body should be aligned so that the weight is directly between the knees and ankles, not over one or the other. While many traditions involve long periods in this posture, it can get uncomfortable, particularly if you have a large frame. 

The spine should be straight whatever asana is chosen, and the head upright, facing forward, with the eyes either straight forward or gazing gently at a spot on the floor two metres from you, assuming you are sitting on the floor. You should not be looking down, as this tends to withdraw awareness. In zazen the eyes are not closed, but do not look at anything in particular. Closed eyes will cause the awareness to withdraw and mental traffic to increase, and the intention is not to block out the world around you, but to become part of it. If you wish to escape reality then there is always alcohol, sleep, or TV. 

I like to use the half lotus posture, sitting cross legged on a small cushion, left foot over the right knee, spine straight and hands cupped in my lap in a mudra, left hand over right, both palms up and thumb tips lightly touching. A small cushion under the bottom can help elevate the body a little, assisting the posture. If the weather is cold a blanket across the knees is also useful. Once the posture is assumed it should be perfectly balanced. Spine straight, as it the head were being lightly pulled upwards by the crown. The neck, shoulders and arms should be relaxed. The chest should be neither thrust out or collapsed inwards. After ten minutes or so an unbalanced posture will become painful at the point of greatest strain, typically the lower back. You can always adjust and in time and a little experiment the best posture will become apparent. 

The place of practice should be quiet, clean and uncluttered with no cold drafts and little to draw the eye. I like to face a wall and will sometimes burn a little incense. Music it not required since the objective is presence in the here and now, with little to distract and only the mind and five senses for company. Avoid anything extra and anything that might draw the mind into mystical speculations or internal ruminations. The mental attitude is as important as the physical one, and in asana the best way is to not try to stop thoughts, but to be aware of them in the same way as you would be aware of birds singing.

I will cover some of the methods of breathing in detail later, when I discuss Pranayama, but for simplicity you can breath gently through the nose, follow the feeling of the breath or count each breath cycle from one to ten. Breathing should be soft, natural and easy. We are not trying to control anything at this point but instead allowing the body to  adopt its natural activity. Essentially, movement of the chest is minimal, let the stomach expand and contract lightly and easily, there should be no gasping and the breath should be deep and slow just as if you were asleep. 

While there is no point in waiting for Asana to be perfect before moving on to Pranayama, I would consider this the fundamental practice, the one on which all others are build, and probably only the really important one since it contains all of the critical elements of body and mind. These days it is the one practice that I do most often, and it really is the cornerstone of my practice.

A word on asana relating to the zelator grade of A.'.A.'.. As per tradition, she must sit in her asana for one complete hour without moving, shifting or scratching, in order to be formally passed to the grade of practicus. In order for this to be possible she must have selected a posture which is comfortable, balanced, and relaxing. One hour is a long time to sit entirely motionless and if your posture isn't really good by the time you go for testing it's going to be hell. Remember also that asana isn't a competition, and while an hour is mandatory for the A.'.A.'., in daily life you need not sit this long. I typically sit for 10-15 minutes, occasionally longer. One thing I do insist on, is that during the test, the examiner sits with the zelator, also in their asana, for the whole hour. Not only does this demonstrate commitment on the part of the examiner, but also gives support to the zelator and enables them to sit, not with the feeling of being watched, but in the common experience of sitting, which is something I feel is missing from the solitary life of an A.'.A.'. aspirant.

Love is the law, love under will.

 

Outgrowing Thelema

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

A little over a year ago I was talking with a friend and brother and I informed him that I was no longer a Thelemite. At the time I didn't entirely know what that meant, I only knew it to be the case. I was no longer saying Resh, facing Boleskine, doing Star Rubies or even reading Crowley's works. His philosophy, while interesting, no longer seemed, or seems real to me, and no longer touches me on any deep level. I am no longer a Thelemite, although it is part of my makeup. But then so are a number of other traditions.

I have now been actively involved in the A.'.A.'. for coming up to ten years. I have memorised Holy Books, performed magickal ceremonies and workings, invoked under the stars with wine and strange drugs. I spent 5 years in the OTO, leaving when it became apparent that they were not really 'doing the work', but instead engaged in an elaborate laarp (an understanding that hit me like a flash right in the middle of my II* initiation ceremony), and was rapidly being infiltrated by the alt-right, cleft by identity politics, intrigue and accusations of sexual misconduct as well as battles for hegemony a sort of thelemic hegemony contentious factions, and in general becoming entirely secular in its concerns. If that's organised Thelema I wanted none of it.

Though I have been involved in occultism since my teens, Thelema didn't really take off for me until my 20's. One fine, clear night in the very early spring of 2001 I was approaching my 21's birthday. I recall thinking that I was unhappy with where I was in life, having left school at 16 with only a single GCSE to my name and no discernible future. I had spent a lot of the time taking hallucinogenics and doing magic. All I really knew was that I didn't want to still be in that loop in ten years time. I recalled that night Aleister's words: "If you want to change your luck, you have to do something out of character". I took him at his word, and to the shock of most of my friends I signed up for 4 years in the British Army, where I was involved in surveillance and target acquisition and did two tours of active service.

That got the ball rolling. You could call it an act of Will, i.e. probably the first thing I had ever done that wasn't an automatic response to circumstances. But get the ball rolling was all it did, and it was several years before I learned to steer. When I got out of the Army I immediately went into autopilot, very nearly getting married to an alcoholic and settling down to a life that promised nothing but mediocrity and boredom punctuated by drunkenness and resentment. Luckily Uncle Al came to the rescue again and by way of escapism I began reading Thelemic works again and started quietly looking into the A.'.A.'.. After a betrayal of trust on her part I left my fiance, skipped town, joined the A.'.A.'., and the following year enrolled in university, where I spent eight years training to be a scientist.

Now looking back it appears something of a roller-coaster ride since that starry night 19 years ago. I am of course thankful for the Thelemic mindset. It gave me a lot of grit and determination. It is for this that I selected the motto 'Pertinax' (Stick to it). As far as the Outer College work goes, persistence is key. As in life, if you want to attain a set goal, persistence is key. Yet I maintain now that I am not a Thelemite. Not any more, at least not in the strict sense.

In terms of Doctrine, much of the bells and whistles of Thelema no longer ring true for me. I don't believe the reception story, I personally think that Crowley wrote Liber Al whilst on a sort of mental high or ecstasy, something that he himself said he was capable of. It's full of his style and bluster and I see no reason to believe a preaterhuman consciousness dictated it. I do however accept the basic premise Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law, and that Love is the law, love under will, and the metaphysical concepts described as Nuit, Hadit, and Ra Hoor Khuit, so perhaps I'm a Thelemite afterall, but these are only words to me, they point to things but in themselves are misleading. Babalon to me is overly sexualised and tends to short circuit the end it is intended to serve, defeating its own object and causing the mind to focus on the distractions of procreation. As for the A.'.A.'., well, there clearly are no Secret Chiefs. I agree with my supervisor that the A.'.A.'. is a spectrum of consciousness that anybody can plug into. The mundane order by that name that Crowley founded is only a syllabus and a structure. Nonetheless the spectrum of consciousness remains, and many of us have been successful in implementing the syllabus he gave and integrating it into our lives to great success.

The last couple of year have been about burning up old karma. About neutralizing the effects of previous causes, and what Castaneda called 'erasing personal history'. The sum total of my actions over the last 19 years is rapidly approaching completion. This is by no means permanent, and like anybody else I have to plan for inevitable change. Unlike before however I have no defined goals, the HGA didn't leave further instructions beyond what I am doing now. I have no True Will as such. One of the first things that happened when I was admitted as a 5=6 is that the HGA, up until that point a constant guide and companion, disappeared. The vision and name obtained prior to that proved empty signs, fingers pointing to the moon. I had my marching orders back in 2015, which I duly obliged, and by doing so found myself exactly where 16 year old me had dreamed I might end up, although at the time it was only a fantasy. It is now down to me to reach my own understanding, without having it given to me by an apparent outside force, and I am fine with that.

Now I am here, and by a much stranger route than I would have imagined. Nearing the completion of that particular karma, there is nothing left to will, no right or wrong path, only decisions that I make in the presence of the eternal. From here it's less about True Will and more about momentum. I am like a planet cast out of its original orbit around its birth star, out into the wilds of space. How far I go and how fast depend on momentum built up, and whether I hit something in the meantime; life can always throw a curve ball. 

I am less inclined to force anything, let alone set my will going in any particular direction. I have become more acquiescent, reflective. "Behold where thine angel hath led thee", now jump! My daily study and practice is that of Zen, and the Christianity that I was originally brought up in, now understood afresh from the perspective of an initiate. The significance of the crucifixion, original sin and other core elements beyond the mass of cultural accouterments and biases added to it from its inception in the 1st century. Not that I believe it in any literal sense, only that I understand the formula and can thus accept it as a praxis. A deepening appreciation of existence as it is, rather than what I would like it to be. Presence, mindfulness really, and a connection to life on its own terms, as per the Golden Dawn 5=6 ceremony: "even as we are bound to the cross of suffering", the only way to get on with life is to accept it, warts and all, without evasion or fear. I suppose I am reaching middle age, being 40 this year. Gone to seed, as a younger, more condescending me might have said, with a slight sneer no doubt. I will never be the sort of Christian that the church likes, an obedient sheep, and I am probably a poor sort of occultist, not rejecting Christianity wholesale as I did in my youth, but instead wearing it like an old jumper, a bit ragged and sometimes itchy, with holes and stains, but undoubtedly comfortable.

While I myself am no longer a Thelemite, I don't disregard it's value. Thelema is like a dose of salts, it gets results, and quickly. Anyone who takes up Thelema as a core philosophy should hold onto their hat. For those stuck in a rut it's just the thing, as well as for those indoctrinated with the more pernicious fundamentalist sorts of religion I would recommend a prescription of Thelema, as well as to anyone who's life has stalled and looks set to crash on takeoff. For this reason I continue to work within the A.'.A.'. system, as a spectrum of consciousness rather than a dogmatic position' Let others make a new religion of Thelema, I am quite content to just quietly tend my own garden.

Love is the law, love under will.