Where the A.'.A.'. meets Zen Buddhism

 Those who have followed this increasingly sporadic blog over the years (very few I know), will notice a gradual pulling away from Thelemic interests, through different traditions and practices. What started as the blog of an A.'.A.'. aspirant, to Zen Buddhism over the last few years. That via explorations into Christianity as I unpicked my cultural upbringing. Not an uncommon transition it seems, I know a few people who have done similar, but I think it's worth exploring how such a transition came about.

I signed the Probationer oath in A.'.A.'. in 2010, and (full disclosure, it's relevant), completed the Outer College work, being accepted as a 5=6 (without) in 2015, before my superior in A.'.A.'. resigned, leaving me without a teacher for about a year, and students to oversee.

In 2016 I forged a link with a person, quite well thought of in Thelemic circles, and after a sever grilling over several weeks, this individual recognised me as a 6=5 (Adeptus Major). That was eight years ago now, there has been no progress since, I'm not any wiser or more powerful, but I have given plenty of thought to the meaning of this grade. 

So, what is an Adeptus Major? He (she) is one who "Obtains a general mastery of practical Magick, though without comprehension."

Have I done this? I think the grade really, in my case, has nothing to do with ones ability to perform rituals, cast fireballs, or use force to obtain ones objectives, as one might expect with a martial grade. The key word here is 'practical'. Whereas a Practicus is in grad-school, learning to do practical things like talk to Angels via Enochian and study the Qaballah, the Adeptus Major works in the Arena of everyday life, school is out, the real world is where he works. Here and now, with the actual conditions of ones incarnation. Geburah is martial, and anybody who has ever been in a warzone knows that theoreticals take a back seat to practicals. Reality hits hard, doesn't pull punches, and is merciless with dreamers and fantasists. Life as it is, grit and dirt and all, is the arena of the Adeptus Major.

Personally speaking, I spent decades achieving things, getting a PhD, getting a black belt in a martial art, and advancing along the A.'.A.'. grades, yet after all this, I'm still me. 

Wherever you go, there you are. 

For years I was essentially goal based in my practice and attitude, always aiming for the next grade, the next rank or attainment. But in the last few years, the academic qualification attained, the A.'.A.'. grade bestowed, the martial arts rank recognised, and after each one of these long sought after events, there I am, still me, still dumb and confused, a deluded being, but at least acknowledging my deludedness. 

At some point I stopped chasing, stopped running, and gradually came to recognise that life would go along in its own way, and my pushing and struggling wouldn't really alter the fundamental facts. I wasn't going to escape the fundamental problems of old age, sickness and death by attaining a grade in the A.'.A.'., and even if I was recognised as an Exempt Adept (7=4), these issues would still be here. In short, I recognised that, since I couldn't get anywhere, I might as well sit down.

An old teacher of mine once said, "you never actually get anywhere in life, so you might as well take the scenic route", and I've certainly done that. But now life is still essentially what it was in my 20's. Different job, different country, I'm married and have a young child, I work, my knees ache and my body is showing the first telltale signs of age in my mid 40's the wear and tear of an active life. I might have seen some interesting things, had some interesting experiences both in life and as an A.'.A.'. initiate, but after all that, here I am still. Chasing, obtaining, achieving, doesn't help, doesn't address the fundamental problems, I can't get on by getting on, so instead of endless 'going', 'being' has become more important.

Zen Buddhism is exactly this, and is the natural outcrop and expression of being, life just as it is. The religion has it's own temptations to be sure, Jukai, receiving the precepts, the temptation to ordain as a priest, shave my head and wear a robe, but I'd just be me in a robe with a shaved head, it'd make no difference. The heart of Zen is Zazen, shikantaza, just sitting. Enlightenment, instead of being some far off ideal never to be attained, is this very moment, right now, suchness, as it is in itself. 

For me, after all my struggling and straining, there is nothing else to do but carry on with life as it is. Do my job, raise my son, enjoy life as it is, spend time each day just sitting, not any special zazen, but just sitting without expectation of getting anything out of it.

So for me, Adeptus Major is not about flexing ones muscles, forcing oneself on the world. Practical magick is exactly life as it is, day to day concerns, making a living, paying my bills, raising my son, study, maintain my health, and stopping regularly to just sit and breathe. No success or failure, only each moment, each breath, each step. 

I'm not going anywhere, so I'll just enjoy the scenery.